


I Remember You

by cernicalo



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Religion, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-05
Updated: 2010-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-21 21:39:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 45,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cernicalo/pseuds/cernicalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gibbs is accidentally dosed with a medication.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The late afternoon sun shone warmly on the walkway entrance to NCIS headquarters inviting pedestrians to slow down and enjoy the unusually temperate early spring weather.  Most did with one notable exception.  Supervisory Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs maintained his usual ground-eating stride as he walked towards the building.  He barely slowed down when he reached the security desk.  A quick flash of his badge and a nod to the well-known guards had him breezing by other less distinguished entrants who were delayed by required physical searches of their persons.  As usual, the guards assumed Special Agent Gibbs was hot on a case and no one with any bit of sense wanted to delay the top agent with the notorious temper.  Besides, they both liked and respected the dedicated agent who was also known to bring by midnight rounds of coffee or snacks for whoever was pulling late duty.  But they would never have guessed the actual reason for Gibbs’ determined stride.  In fact, no one would ever know because Gibbs made extremely sure the reason for his urgency was never obvious to anyone.  Because of Rule #12 Gibbs would never let anyone know that he simply needed a DiNozzo fix.

 

 

 _Has to be the warm sun_ , he told himself with a smirk as he slapped the button to the elevator that would take him closer to the object of this afternoon’s fixation.  And not just this afternoon, his fixation seemed to be a perpetual condition.  He just wasn’t at ease unless he knew exactly where DiNozzo was and what he was doing.  He told himself that it was just so that he could keep his eye on the overgrown trouble-magnet but the fact was he dreamed not only of his eyes on DiNozzo, but his hands, his mouth and his body covering every inch of Tony, from the top of his salon-styled hair to the tip of his designer shoe clad toes.  And as much as he tried to fight his fixation on the rampantly heterosexual playboy, as often as he told himself that any move on his part would make Tony turn in his resignation, he still found himself constantly fending off fantasies of Tony bent over his desk as Gibbs rammed his cock deep inside of him, of Tony splayed out across a chair in MTAC while Gibbs sucked him down to the root, of Tony on his back on the Director’s desk screaming to high heaven while Gibbs pounded into his prostate over and over again…   _Damn sun was too hot,_ he told himself as he ran a hand across his brow making sure that his thoughts were nowhere evident on his face when the elevator doors opened.

 

 

“Ooh, that one’s nice…if you like the real fancy ones…” Abby grinned and pointed to Tony’s screen. 

 

“And we all know Tony does,” chimed in Kate with a smirk.

 

 

“Yeah, he does everything he can get his hands on, blonde, brunette…”

 

 

“Sounds like jealousy rearing its ugly head again, 

 McCelibate…”

 

 

Abby laughed and tried to bring the group back to the subject of a birthday present for Ducky.  

 

 

“Come on, guys, look at the one in the middle…pretty curves and a long…”

 

 

“Hey!” Gibbs barked as he turned the corner and was only partially satisfied when Kate and McGee suddenly buried themselves in paper.  Tony on the other hand leaned back with that bright smile which only served to darken Gibbs mood at seeing Abby practically sitting on Tony’s lap.  He at least gave DiNozzo points for not even trying to fake like he was working.

 

 

“Abby, did you get those results I was waiting for?”

 

 

“My babies are still running, Gibbs, you know I’ll get it to you as soon as it’s done…”

 

 

“Well go check on them…” Gibb said with a wave of his hands in a scooting motion which made her smile as she bounced away.

 

 

“DiNozzo, you lookin’ at porn on a government computer?” Gibbs growled at the thought of DiNozzo and some female…any female. 

 

“What?  No, Boss!” Tony said with a surprised look.  “We were looking at teapots for Ducky’s birthday…” but his words were stopped by a slap to the back of his head.  

 

 

“Oww!  What was that for?” he asked.

 

 

“For keeping everyone else from their work…” Gibbs growled as he moved back to his desk. 

 

In actuality he’d been jealous of Abby’s proximity and easy relationship so he reached out in the only way he felt was remotely acceptable in the work place.  Still, his envy at seeing them so close didn’t stop the inevitable fantasy as Tony reached up to smooth down the back of his hair and Gibbs imagined both of his wrists over his head, secured by a pair of leather cuffs.  He forced down the mental picture and wondered if his bourbon and boat were going to be enough tonight.  He thought about calling one of the ladies he occasionally saw but he wasn’t in the mood for the hopeful looks he’d get afterwards knowing he still couldn’t offer what they were looking for.  He was too honest a man to just use someone or to string them along.  The truth was that ever since Anthony DiNozzo entered his life, no one else would do.  And if the sum total of DiNozzo in his life entailed nothing more than dreams and fantasy, so be it.  It was more than he’d had in years.  So, looks like it would be the Gibbs B&B again after all.

 

 

Tony made a note of the webpage they’d been looking at and switched back to the report he’d been working on, his mind idly wondering what had Gibbs’ back up this time.  _Man needs to get laid_ , he thought not for the first time.  And not for the first time he wished that it could be him that stepped up to the plate.  He’d been in lust from the first moment he’d seen Gibbs stride into his Baltimore office.  After coming to work for the man that lust had turned to love though he’d never make any moves in that direction.  Gibbs was too mired in his bourbon, his boat and his redheads.  Not to mention the fact that Tony valued his skin too much to even approach the obviously straight former Marine.  With a sigh he again buried himself in his report, double and triple-checking his facts before writing them up.

 

 

Sometime later Gibbs phone rang.  After a few words he hung up.

 

 

“Gear up…hostage situation.  McGee, pull up the schematic of the psychiatric wing at the VA Medical Center downtown, Kate get the van.  Tony, go to the armory.  Get whatever you think we’ll need.”

 

 

Within moments the schematic flashed up on screen and Gibbs studied it for a moment.  “Let’s go,” he said and less than five minutes after receiving the phone call, they’d mobilized and were out the door.

 

  

Gibbs drove to the site all the while listening to his team talk about where they’d lived when they were happiest.  The conversation had sprung up because of the hostage situation they were going into.

 

 

“What we know, Tim, is that this guy is schizophrenic.  It doesn’t have anything to do with his being happy or unhappy,” Kate remarked over her shoulder to Tim who was leaning through the small window that opened up to the back of the van.  “He’s probably had a break from reality and this is the result."

 

 

“Yeah, but I still think that when you’re unhappy it triggers chemical reactions in your brain.  So if the guy had a tendency towards this anyway, it was set off by his time in Iraq.  Stressful situations can trigger all kinds of latent tendencies.”

 

 

“So then we all need to stay in the place where we are the happiest and the world will be a lovely place, is that right, McPollyanna?”  Tony’s response was a roll of Tim’s eyes.

“Oh and, let me guess, you want to live at Disney World because it’s the Happiest Place on Earth, right?”  Tony finished with quotation mark fingers.

 

 

“No, not Disney World, Tony…the place where you never grow up is definitely more your bailiwick,” McGee answered with a grin.  

 

 

“Nah, my happy place is back in Ohio, back in the old college days… playing sports during the day and playing with the coeds at night…” Tony answered with a slightly dreamy look.

 

 

“I can appreciate that,” Tim responded.  “I loved my time at MIT…”

 

 

“Yeah, computers during the day and…computer games at night, Elflord,” Tony said and then leaned over to Kate.  “I’ll bet the only thing he slept with was his mouse…” Tony finished to the sound of Kate’s answering chuckles.  And before McGee could defend himself Tony turned to Kate.

 

  

“What about you, Kate…maybe your time in convent school with all those other little girls in their short plaid skirts…   Ummph! ” Tony grunted when Kate elbowed him in the ribs.  There were definite drawbacks to having Kate wedged in the seat in between him and Gibbs.  _Definite_ drawbacks.

 

 

“Enough!” Gibbs barked out as he stared straight ahead and hoped the amusement didn’t show in his eyes.

 

  

“We’re here,” he said and then jumped out of the van before Tony had even opened his door.  As soon as he was out of the van Gibbs moved over to the mobile command post that had been set up.

 

  

“Gibbs, NCIS,” he said to the officer in charge.  “What’ve you got?”

 

 

Army Captain Joyce pulled out his notebook.  “Marine Lance Corporal Terrence Hoskins.  Recently brought back from Iraq, initially thought to have been suffering from PTSD but he’s now is diagnosed with schizophrenia.  According to his doctor he stopped taking his medications several days ago and is now experiencing a psychotic break.”

 

   

Captain Joyce paused as Hoskins began yelling and he grabbed his radio.  “Bravo 1, Alpha Lead…report!”

 

 

The radio crackled and Gibbs listened to the response.

 

 

“Alpha Lead, Bravo 1… suspect is yelling and moving about room but has not…repeat…has NOT made any hostile moves toward hostages.”

 

“Copy,” answer the Captain.  “Be advised NCIS is on site.  Maintain visual contact with suspect and standby.” 

 

 

“Copy, standing by.  Bravo 1 out,” came the reply.

 

 

Captain Joyce turned back to Gibbs and pulled out a schematic of the floor plan.  “He has three hostages.  A male orderly that is unconscious on the floor, northeast corner of the room and a female nurse that he has tied up and sitting on the floor, center west wall and a civilian security guard, condition and location unknown.  Hoskins has his service weapon.  My men are here and here,” he said while pointing to two other locations.

 

 

Gibbs nodded.  “Is he talking…what’s he want?”

 

 

Captain Joyce shook his head.  “It’s not real clear.  He says he wants to talk to someone in charge but refused to speak with me.  He says he wants to talk to a Colonel Brandt but then he pulled back and started yelling again and taking a few pot shots at us.  We’ve got the Marine Liaison trying to locate Brandt.”

 

 

Gibbs turned to Tony who was standing behind him.  Tony grabbed his cell phone and called McGee who was waiting at the van with his laptop open.

 

“Boss, Colonel Harold Brandt is…was…Hoskins’ commander in Iraq.  He’s still over there,” Tony supplied a few moments later.

 

 

Gibbs nodded and moved forward.

 

 

“Boss…?” Tony asked although he knew exactly what Gibbs had planned.

 

 

“I’m going to talk to him,” Gibbs said as he checked his weapon and tucked it back into his holster.

 

 

“Gibbs, I wouldn’t recommend getting too close to this guy.  He popped a few off at us but he’s proven that he can hit what he wants to,” Joyce said and gestured to a radio that had been destroyed.  “He shot that out of my hand when I tried to talk to him earlier.”

 

 

“Yeah…he’s a Marine,” was all Gibbs said as he stood and moved around the side of the van.  He could feel Tony close behind him. 

 

“Stay back, Tony,” Gibbs warned.  It felt good to have Tony close but he also wanted him to stay back and under cover.

 

 

“Sure, Boss…” Tony replied and Gibbs turned enough to see DiNozzo’s unrepentant grin.

 

 

Gibbs glared back and called out to Hoskins.  Gibbs identified himself and started talking.  He learned right away that Hoskins felt they’d been using him for experiments.  He said they always used Marines because they’re first line for everything.

 

 

“You don’t know…you’re a civilian…”

 

 

“No, I was a Marine, too.  Gunnery Sergeant,” Gibbs said.

 

 

“Gunny?  Then you know…you know what it’s like…”

 

 

“Let me come in and talk to you, son,” Gibbs asked in a reasonable voice and he heard Hoskins hesitate a bit before answering that Gibbs could come closer, but only if he could see that Gibbs wasn’t armed.

 

 

“Okay,” Gibbs said and he heard Tony blow out a breath _._   He knew Tony was pissed.  He began to stand but Tony put a hand on his arm.

 

 

“Then I’m going, too,” Tony said as he pulled his windbreaker on over his vest.

 

 

“No, and that’s an order,” Gibbs stated implacably and then he stood with his hands up so that Hoskins could see him.  He took off his holster and set it down on the ground.

 

 

“Take off the vest, Gunny.  Show me you don’t have any weapons!” Hoskins yelled.

 

 

Gibbs moved to un-strap the vest and he heard a hissed ‘ _no!_ ’ from the side of the van but he continued and placed it on the hood of a nearby truck.  

 

 

“Show me your pant legs!” Hoskins yelled and Gibbs did, lifting his pants to show that he had no other weapons.  “Okay, Gunny…you can come closer!”

 

 

Gibbs nodded and took a step forward.  He could hear movement behind him and knew that Tony was moving into another position.  Slowly, he made his way to the building and Tony moved in closer with Bravo 1.  The door opened at Gibbs’ approach and he entered.  Hoskins stood against the back wall holding the nurse around the neck with the gun at her temple.  He scanned the room noting the orderly and the security guard who was also unconscious but lying against the wall under the window.  He wasn’t visible from the outside.  His location put him at risk of shots coming through the wall. 

 

“Tell me what you want, son.  I’ll see that you get it,” Gibbs said in a soothing tone.

 

 

“I want them to stop using me as a guinea pig!  They’re shooting me full of that stuff and they don’t even know what it’s doing to me!” Hoskins explained and gestured to a plastic tray holding some alcohol wipes and a syringe.

 

 

“So what do you want to do?” Gibbs asked and edged a little closer.

 

 

“I’m going to give it to her…make her understand what it does to your head!” Hoskins replied.

 

 

“Okay, son, you can do that and then you’ll know that it won’t hurt her.  It’s meant to help,” Gibbs said softly.  “You can put the gun down and give it to her.  She won’t fight you because she knows it’ll only help, right Miss?” Gibbs said directing his comment to the nurse.

 

 

She opened her eyes wide.  She wasn’t about to let this patient inject her with that medication.  She _didn’t_ know what it would do to a healthy brain.  But the alternative was the gun at her temple and she looked into the cool blue eyes of the silver-haired man and made her decision.  

 

 

“Of c-course it won’t hurt me…you can g-give me the injection,” she stammered fearfully.

 

 

“Alright, Hoskins, just put the gun down and pick up the syringe.  Do you know how to do it?  You’ve got to wipe the area clean with the alcohol wipe first.  Don’t want to give her an infection, right?”

 

 

Hoskins nodded slightly and put the gun down.  He picked up the syringe and looked at the nurse for a moment in confusion.  How would he hold her and use the wipe, too?

 

 

“Need some help?” Gibbs offered surprised that Hoskins seemed to be going along with his suggestion so easily.

Hoskins looked at the nurse and then at Gibbs.  Slowly he nodded and Gibbs moved closer, his hand moving to the tray to get the wipe.  As soon as he was close enough he reached forward and grabbed Hoskins’ wrist and Hoskins let go of the nurse to struggle with Gibbs as he howled “NOOOOO!”

 

 

The nurse scrambled away as soon as she was free.  Gibbs and Hoskins struggled for a bit and with unbelievable strength he pushed into Gibbs forcing him backwards and landing on top of him as he continued screaming.  Bravo 1 and Tony burst through the door at that moment and pulled Hoskins off of Gibbs.  Hoskins continued screaming and fought like a wild animal but he was subdued by several men.  Tony moved to Gibbs and helped him up, neither of them noticing the used syringe lying on the floor.  The only thing that Gibbs saw was the fury in Tony’s eyes.  It was the nurse who noticed the empty syringe first and then turned to Gibbs.

 

 

“Did he inject you with this?” she demanded.

 

Gibbs looked at the syringe and then reached up with one hand to his neck.  His fingers came away with blood and he looked up into Tony’s wide eyes.  That was the last thing he saw before the room began to swim and darken.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	2. Chapter 2

Gibbs remained unconscious while the lab tech took yet another blood sample.  Ducky sighed and went back out into the waiting room where Tony paced and Director Tom Morrow and Abby both sat, Abby with her knees pulled up under her chin.  Her wide green eyes watched worriedly as Tony moved back and forth, his hands flexing and closing.  She knew how angry he was and so was she, but she was more worried than anything else.

 

As soon as Ducky entered Tony moved right up to demand a status.  Director Morrow and Abby right beside him.

 

“He is still unconscious.  The doctor is monitoring his vital signs as well as his blood chemistry,” Ducky began but Abby cut him off.

 

“But he’s going to be alright, isn’t he, Ducky?  He has to be, I mean the drug has to wear off sometime and then he’ll be alright, right?” she asked while bouncing slightly from one foot to the other.

 

“Ideally the medication will wear off without side effects but at this time we simply aren’t sure.  The effects of this medication on a healthy brain are not completely known...”

 

“So they don’t have any idea at all about how he may react?” Morrow asked.  

 

 

Tony listened but it took everything he had not to rush back into the room he’d been evicted from earlier.

 

“I’m afraid not, Director.  All we can do is wait and see,” Ducky said sadly. 

 

 

Tony nodded and then ran a hand over his face.  Fortunately, he’d already made his report to Morrow and had received the expected dressing down for allowing Gibbs to go in without back-up.  Still, it was nothing compared to what Tony had been putting himself through.  It was going to be a long night and Tony was glad he’d sent Kate home with McGee.  They would come by the next day to give the rest a break.  There was no way in hell he was leaving.

 

“Very well, Doctor.  Please keep me informed,” Morrow asked and then gave Tony a hard look.  “Agent DiNozzo, your team is on leave for the next 24 hours and then I expect to see your report.” 

 

 

 

“Yes, Sir,” Tony answered.  Then, with a nod to everyone present, Morrow turned and left to go back to NCIS.  

 

 

So, the three continued their vigil, each one taking turns sitting with Gibbs and hoping he’d awaken soon.

 

Kate and Tim walked in to the waiting room the next morning with a bag of breakfast rolls, several cups of hot coffee and one Caf-Pow.  They found Abby asleep on the couch and Ducky dozing in a lounge chair.  Tony must be in with Gibbs, Kate realized.  

 

 

Almost on cue Tony walked into the waiting room.  He looked exhausted and gratefully accepted the coffee McGee handed him.

 

“Any change?” Kate asked once Tony had taken his first sip.  

 

 

“No,” Tony said somewhat hoarsely with a slight shake of his head.  He looked at both Ducky and Abby who were starting to rouse.  They both looked as exhausted as he felt.  

 

 

Once everyone was awake and had begun their coffee it was agreed that McGee would take Abby and Ducky home so that they could shower and get some rest.  When he returned, Tony would also take a quick break.  Soon the team parted and both Tony and Kate returned to Gibbs’ room.  

 

 

Tony did a thorough visual inspection when he returned to the room.  He saw that Gibbs remained as still as before with no change to any of his monitors.  With a sigh Tony returned to the chair next to Gibbs’ bed and began a monolog consisting of the storylines to various movies Tony was positive Gibbs would like to see.  

 

 

Kate took a seat near the window with a bemused expression on her face.  Tony must have spent the entire night just talking to Gibbs.  She’d heard that people in comas could often hear what was going on around them.  Tony must have taken that to heart and had decided on movie plots to pass the time.  Poor Gibbs, she thought.  Ducky was known to be long-winded, but to have Abby and Tony chatting him up as well was probably more than the man could take.  He’d probably wake up just to get them to be quiet.  She smiled at that thought and hoped she’d be present to hear Gibbs tell Tony to shut up.

 

A short while later Tony’s phone rang.  It was the Director requesting an update so in keeping with hospital policy Tony stepped out of the room to take the call.  Kate took that opportunity to move over next to Gibbs.  She began talking to him as well, relating what had happened to Hoskins.  Kate noticed that Gibbs seemed to have a slight twitch in his left hand which was under the cover.  She stood and reached over to move the sheet back when her wrist was suddenly seized in an iron grip.  Before she even had a moment to call out she was flipped and Gibbs leaned over her with a hand over her mouth. 

 

Tony finished his report to the Director and shut his phone.  He was tired…and worried.  The doctor didn’t even know if this lengthy unconsciousness was to be expected or not.  They just didn’t know _what_ symptoms would manifest through accidental injection of this medication.  It really pissed him off that they couldn’t at least predict what problems Gibbs might have.  Their only surety seemed to be that whatever symptoms he might have would only be temporary.  Tony was at least grateful for that.  He couldn’t bear the thought of Gibbs being forced into a medical retirement and having to undergo some kind of therapy for the rest of his life.  Pushing those thoughts away he headed back into the room.  He’d just pushed the door open when he saw some movement out of the corner of his eye.  Someone headed down the stairs.  He looked back into the room.  It was empty.  He moved to the bathroom but it, too, was empty.  In a flash he was running towards the stairs.

 

Tony raced down the stairwell.   He hit the next landing and reached for his phone to call McGee but there was no reception in the stairwell.  He cursed and continued running down the stairs.  He slammed through the door leading out and paused to scan the area.  He never saw the gun that came down on the back of his head.  

 

 

Kate watched from her position lying face down on the ground.  She struggled to rise as soon as Gibbs foot was off of her back but it wasn’t in time to prevent him from hitting Tony.  She looked around the parking lot frantically.  Where the hell was everyone?  It wasn’t that early!  But they were alone.  In seconds Gibbs had Tony handcuffed with his own cuffs just as she was.  Her own gun was pointed at her head and she lay back down on her stomach.  She was pissed and boy, was she ever going to make Gibbs pay her dry cleaning bill for this. 

 

Gibbs took another strip of cloth that he’d torn from his hospitals sheet and gagged Tony just as he’d gagged Kate.  His gun was securely tucked into the back of Gibbs’ pants.  Kate’s gun remained in his hand.   Gibbs looked through the parking lot and saw a government vehicle.  He looked at the plates and then at the tag on the keys he’d pulled from Kate’s pocket earlier and noted they matched.  Tony moaned a bit.  He reached down and with a strength that surprised Kate, hauled Tony to his feet and then motioned for Kate to get up.  Slowly they made their way to the car and he opened the back door and shoved Tony inside face-down.  Kate took that moment to try and make a run for it.  She didn’t make it very far.  Gibbs put Kate in the front seat and buckled her in before moving back to Tony.  Kate couldn’t see what other actions he took to secure Tony in place but she heard him moan again.  Within moments Gibbs was in the driver’s seat and they were driving away at Gibbs’ usual breakneck speed.  

 

 

Tim walked down the hallway to the waiting room.  He noted that the nurses seemed agitated.  Without stopping he stepped up to the desk with his badge in hand only to learn that Gibbs was gone.  He ran back to the waiting room and found it empty.  McGee grabbed his cell phone and called for back-up.  He paused for a moment and then ran to the elevator.  It was in use so he started down the stairwell.  He knew where Kate had parked the car they’d driven that morning.  She still had the keys.  He slammed out of the same door that Tony had earlier and scanned the parking lot.  He didn’t see her car.  Turning to go back in he spotted a cell phone.  He pressed a few buttons and saw that it was Tony’s and he felt a chill go through him.

 

Almost immediately he had a BOLO out on Kate’s car and he had Abby begin a GPS search for Kate’s phone.  His next call was to the Director with a report and then to Ducky.  He needed to know more about what the drug was capable of making Gibbs do and he knew he’d need Ducky to be there when he talked to the doctor.  A few moments later his cell rang.  It was Abby saying that Kate’s phone was somewhere in his vicinity.  Damn, that meant that they’d left it behind, too.  He dialed Kate from his phone and within moments learned that it was found in Gibbs’ bed.  All he could figure was that she’d lost it in a struggle with Gibbs.  It was the only thing that made sense.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	3. Chapter 3

He looked around the parking lot from his hiding spot behind the dumpster, his eyes automatically seeking out camera locations.  The two he spotted both appeared to be non-functional.  Sloppy, but it served his purpose here.  His hands itched to be holding something but he didn’t know what.   He had some flashes of hiding down, peering over his cover and watching someone he hated.  Again he felt that he should have been holding something and then his mind flashed on a rifle, one with a scope attached.  He was watching a man drive a truck and he knew he hated that man with everything in him.  That man had taken that which was most dear to him.  He remembered red hair, a red-haired woman and a girl with dark hair.  But then he remembered green eyes and he thought of the young man he’d left tied up in the car, the car that was hidden behind some brush and trees on some property with a For Sale sign.  The young man was safe for now but he had to get another car so that they could keep moving.  Was it that man in the truck that was following them?  He wasn’t sure but he had the feeling that the man in the truck also posed danger to the young man.  Not acceptable.  His hand went to his side as though searching for something but he wasn’t sure what it was.  All he felt were indentations on the belt that said whoever had worn these clothes had clipped something in that spot and he thought of a holster.  Great.  He’d stolen clothes from a plainclothes cop or something.  He’d found this bag at the hospital when he was trying to get out.  The bag had GIBBS, L.J. printed on a tag but he didn’t know who that was.   At least he’d gotten rid of that stupid little hospital gown and these clothes fit him fine.  No help for it now, though, he thought and rubbed his temples.  The headache seemed to be getting worse but he pushed aside the pain.  He needed a different car.

He again scanned the lot.  The car needed to be something unremarkable that wouldn’t be missed for several hours.  He watched as a young man jumped out of a car and practically run into a sports store.  He was wearing a sports jersey with a name tag so he was probably an employee.  No doubt late for work, it would be awhile before he’d be looking for his car.  It would do.

Later he moved quietly to where he’d parked the other car in some brush.  He could see the young man he’d left sitting up and struggling.  The girl still seemed well secured.  He wondered about the young man, wondered why he’d been dreaming about him.  He watched as he continued his attempt to loosen his bonds but he wouldn’t be able to.  He shook his head a bit and pinched the bridge of his nose.  He knew how to tie somebody up so they wouldn’t get away but he didn’t know he’d acquired that knowledge.  There was a lot he didn’t know, like his name or who those people were that he had with him in the car.  All he knew was that he had to get them away but he specifically had to get the young man away somewhere safe because they were being followed.  By who or what he also didn’t know, but it didn’t matter as long as the young man with the beautiful eyes was safe. 

He moved up to the side of the car and scrunched down near the wheel well.  He placed his hand on the door handle and yanked it open knowing that he’d scare the crap out of the young man.  He somehow knew that it was fun to sneak up on him and he proved it yet again, finding the gagged yelp and wide green eyes to be very amusing and highly satisfactory.

“Come on,” he said and pulled the young man out of the car and made him lie face down in the dirt.  With his gun in his hand he opened the passenger door and unbuckled the woman.  He didn’t know who she was but he knew that he liked her, liked the flashing brown eyes that didn’t hide the spunk she’d shown when he first subdued her.  With his gun he motioned the two of them away from the car. 

As they walked he brushed a long branch behind them to obliterate any trail they made.  The young man saw him do that and rolled his eyes which made him smirk.  He led them to the new car he’d stolen which was parked off the road on a partially finished entrance to the overgrown property they were on.  He knew that there wouldn’t be any tire tracks left to trace.  He wasn’t sure how he knew all of this but he trusted his instinct and knew they’d get away without anyone trailing them.  He would have to switch cars again, but figured he’d have at least two or three hours before that was needed.  He secured his guests in the new vehicle, the woman first and then the young man.  He straightened partially from buckling the seatbelt around him and then paused to look into those hazel green eyes.  Yes, he had to protect this one.  With a quick movement he ran his hand over the young man’s head feeling his silky hair.  He saw the eyes widen in surprise and he smiled.  As he stood he ran his hand in a quick caress across the slightly stubbled jaw and then closed the door.  Time to move.

Kate looked at Gibbs as he drove silently down a series of back roads.  She wondered if she could move her hands to the buckle without him noticing.  She inched her left shoulder forward a bit to give her arms a bit more space to move.  She’d just slid her hands slightly to the left when Gibbs’ hand settled on her shoulder.

“Please don’t do that, Miss,” he said.  “I don’t want to have to put you on the back floorboard.  It wouldn’t be comfortable.”

Anger and frustration darkened the brown eyes next to him and he chuckled lightly.  

Tony sat in the back and pondered their situation.  And not just the fact that they’d been taken hostage by Gibbs, he also wondered just what the hell that had been back there.  Gibbs had stroked his head and had _caressed his face_.  At any other time the gentle touch of that calloused hand would have had him melting on the spot.  He’d had fantasies of Gibbs’ touch for years.  And not all of them had been gentle touches.  Oh, no…he’d thought about….whoa.  Now is NOT the time to be indulging in all those dominant male fantasies.  Yeah, the only problem was that there wasn’t a whole hell of a lot else to do.  Gibbs wasn’t talking and wouldn’t allow them to talk.  He didn’t turn on the radio seeming to prefer total quiet leaving them to just sit there.  Great.  Here they were, both he and Kate tied up (damnit, do not think about Gibbs tying you up…) and being taken on a ride to God knows where…and isn’t _that_ going to look wonderful in the report…two federal agents being taken down by one guy who’d just woken up from a _coma_.  Come on!  Even if that man was Leroy Jethro Gibbs it still didn’t look _good_ …!  But the fact remained that this strange version of Gibbs was in control and still needing medical help and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.  Okay, so with that thought in mind, maybe it was the time to indulge in a little bondage fantasy…yeah, instead of metal cuffs maybe they could be leather…

Awhile later they switched cars again and he’d gotten them some sandwiches from a gas station and had hand fed his companions telling them they’d get food as long as they didn’t talk.  He laughed at the fiery eyes of the woman who seemed so affronted at what he’d offered.  What was wrong with the Italian sub he’d bought?  It was that or nothing, he’d told her and she’d acquiesced with ill-grace and he’d laughed again.  The young man hadn’t seemed to mind and had gobbled everything he’d held out to him.   It was a good thing he’d fed him in the back seat.  Slipping little bits of food into that sweet-looking mouth had made him hard and the man had seen that but it was hidden from the woman.  Surprise and longing had flashed briefly in those green eyes as his tongue lightly caressed his fingers but it was replaced with a look of sadness that made no sense.  He’d have to think about that later.  Right now his head was hurting again.  He needed to find a place to spend the night.

Several hours and another car change later Tony watched Gibbs drive from his new vantage point down on the seat.  Gibbs had used another strip of hospital sheet to secure him so that he couldn’t lift his upper torso from the back seat.  Yeah, he gets extra restraints and Kate gets her gag removed.  Life just wasn’t fair.  He was still amazed that Gibbs had been able to bend him up like a pretzel the way he had but he would have been much more appreciative of Gibbs’ ability if he could just dig his own foot out of his ass.  He sighed and craned his head to look around.  He could just make out Gibbs looking around before driving forward and parking.  

Gibbs turned to Kate and told her not to say a word and that he’d be watching to see if her lips moved.  Kate agreed and then Gibbs got out for a few minutes and then returned to drive several more yards.  Tony could tell they were in a poorly maintained parking lot because he could just make out some darkened light poles if he cranked his head hard to the left.  Gibbs again parked the car and then reached back to untie the latest restraint.  Tony groaned deeply as he pulled his legs forward.  He could see Gibbs’ smirk once just before he unbuckled him but then he turned around and got out of the car.  Tony watched him gauging if he could maneuver a kick to the door when Gibbs opened it.  He angled himself slightly in preparation as Gibbs walked around the car.   Gibbs again scanned the area and opened the front passenger door instead of the rear.  He unbuckled Kate and pulled her out and made her stand with her back to Tony’s door and then he stepped back but kept his gun leveled at her.

“Open it,” he ordered.

Kate bent a little at her knees but was able to reach the door handle.  She opened it and stepped forward a bit to pull the door with her.  It was awkward and she hoped their weird movements were noted by someone but from the darkness of the lot she doubted it.  

Tony blew out a disgusted breath.  Shit!  So much for kicking the door open on Gibbs.  He pushed the door open all the way as soon as Kate stepped away and levered himself out of the car.  Gibbs gestured with his gun and then they all moved into what was obviously a cheap motel room.  

He had them both lie on the floor on their stomachs and then proceeded to tie Tony’s ankles together and then he pulled Tony’s legs back and secured them to his wrists effectively hog tying him again.  He again gagged Kate but she tried to fight a bit, kicking out and wriggling on the floor.  It wasn’t gaining her anything and Gibbs took a swat at her head.  He chuckled at her outraged expression.  He turned to look at the young man and saw a mischievous glint in his eyes.  Without thought, he slapped him on the back of his head as well and then wondered why he’d done that.  But what was more confusing was the hopeful look in the young man’s eyes.  He shook his head and brought a hand to his temple and rubbed it.  For a moment there he’d had a flash of memory involving the young man, he remembered seeing him lift a hand to smooth down the back of his hair.  Then that memory changed to one where the young man was standing with his hands secured over his head and he was wearing that same hopeful look in his eyes.  Hope mixed with a healthy dose of lust.  He closed his eyes as the pain throbbed in his temples.  

Tony and Kate exchanged worried glances.  Gibbs looked like he was in pain and they both worried over what damage that injection was causing.  But then Gibbs seemed to shake it off and he moved to the bed.  Tearing a few more strips of cloth he tied one to the frame at the head of the bed and the other to the frame at the foot of the bed.  He returned to Kate and pulled her to her feet then pushed her over to the tiny bathroom.  Unlocking the cuff on her left hand he pushed her towards the toilet and then pulled her arm down and cuffed her right hand to the pipes under the sink.

  

“You have three minutes.  Do _not_ remove your gag,” he said gruffly and then moved out of the bathroom but left the door open.

Kate was pissed.  She twisted her wrist in the cuff but it was too tight.  Angrily, she yanked off her gag and called through the door.

“Can’t you at least close the door?”  

“Two minutes fifteen seconds,” came the reply from an annoyed looking Gibbs who was now standing in the doorway.  “One last chance and then I don’t care if you piss your pants.”

She growled in annoyance but began to unbutton her pants pausing only to look at him pointedly.  After a brief moment he turned and left her.  Roughly two minutes later Gibbs came back into the bathroom to see Kate attempting to wash her one hand.  He smirked and then released the cuff around the pipe and re-fastened it around her wrist.  He pushed her back into the bedroom and Kate saw Tony lying in the same position as before.  Gibbs kept pushing her until she was seated in the only chair in the room.  He tied her to it and then re-tied her gag.  He then moved to Tony and removed the cloth that secured Tony’s ankles to his wrists and then Gibbs repeated the bathroom procedure with DiNozzo but without untying his ankles which forced him to hop.  And this time, much to Kate’s embarrassment, Gibbs stayed in the bathroom with him.

Gibbs kept a firm grip on Tony’s bicep as he helped him hop into the bathroom.  He led him over to the toilet and stopped him for a moment with his hand on Tony’s elbow.  Tony felt Gibbs’ other hand go into his back pocket to pull out his wallet and then shove it into his own pocket.  At that moment Tony threw himself into Gibbs but it seemed Gibbs was waiting for Tony to make a move.  He took a single step back absorbing Tony’s push but then he squeezed a nerve in Tony’s arm and Tony groaned as his legs began to buckle.  As quickly as Gibbs had squeezed he then released his hold.

“Bad idea.  Don’t do it again,” he said softly and then helped Tony stand up straight.

Tony just nodded and Gibbs pushed him over to the toilet.  He kept hold of Tony’s arms and reached over with one hand to unzip Tony’s pants.

Tony’s eyes widened momentarily in shock and he instinctively pulled away but Gibbs held on.  Tony’s eyes closed in embarrassment as Gibbs again reached for Tony’s zipper and then opened it.  He slipped his hand into Tony’s pants to pull his dick out for him.  Tony could feel the color rising up his face and he suddenly doubted he’d be able to piss at all.  In fact, it was taking everything he had to keep from getting hard at the thought of Gibbs’ hand on his dick.  He kept his eyes closed and began some breathing exercises as he tried to control himself.  He heard Gibbs chuckle.

“Ya need me to turn on the faucet?”

Tony snorted and then groaned and he damned himself for his childish sense of humor over Gibbs’ wording.  He shook his head and forced himself to relax enough to piss.  He was amazed when he did and he wondered briefly if Gibbs would shake it more than twice.

“Naw,” Gibbs whispered in Tony’s ear.  “You’ll know when I play with you…”

When they were done Gibbs led a hopping Tony over to the bed and pushed him down onto it and unlocked one of the cuffs.  He kept the gun pointed at Tony while he rotated his shoulders a bit but then he made him secure his hands in front of himself.  Tony did as he was told and then Gibbs secured his arms over his head using the strip he’d tied to the frame earlier.  He did the same with Tony’s feet.

Gibbs was breathing heavily at this point and kept pausing to rub at his head but he kept moving.  He grabbed a plastic cup from near the sink and unwrapped it.  Filling it with water he returned to Kate and removed her gag.  She immediately started to talk but he shushed her with a finger.  

“No talking,” he said quietly and then he helped her drink.  

After several swallows he lowered the cup.

“Gibbs, you’ve got to let us go.  You’re sick…you need a doctor…” Kate tried again but he ignored her and fixed her gag.  Then he turned to Tony.

Tony looked up into Gibbs’ face.  He could see the lines of strain around his eyes and mouth.  

“She’s right,” he said quietly when Gibbs removed the gag.  “You need help.  And doing this will only make things harder…”

Gibbs closed his eyes for a bit but then opened them again.  “No…we have to get away.  You don’t understand…it’s not safe.  I have to keep you safe…”

“Safe from who, Gibbs?” Tony said but Gibbs stopped him with a finger to his lips and then brought the cup up for him to drink.

“Don’t call me that,” he said while Tony drank.

 “Gibbs, you gotta listen to me…” Tony started again when he finished drinking but Gibbs picked up the gag and tied it back around Tony’s mouth. 

“Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?” he asked and then moved over to the other side of the bed.  

Gibbs sat down on the edge with his back to Tony and then pulled out Kate’s purse. Kate watched him with wary eyes and wondered what he was looking for.  He pulled out her wallet and went through it.  He pulled out her badge and stared at it for a moment before putting it back.  He dug through her purse some more and then palmed something.  Kate thought furiously for a moment as she mentally went through everything in her purse that would be of a size that he could palm so easily.  The only things were makeup and lotion which gave her no clues at all.  Whatever it was Gibbs put it in his pocket and then pulled out what Kate recognized as Tony’s wallet.  He went through it just as thoroughly before putting it back in his pocket.  Then, much to her chagrin, he laid back on the bed next to Tony and reached over to shut off the light.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	4. Chapter 4

“What is the status of the BOLO, Agent McGee?” Director Morrow asked calmly sparing only a glance at his lab technician who was bouncing from foot to foot behind Agent McGee.

 

Tim looked up at the calm inquiry but his attention was caught by hand that was twitching at Morrow’s side in a manner completely at odds to Morrow’s tone of voice.

 

“Uhh,” McGee said and then forced his eyes away from that toothpick.  “I’ve updated the BOLO to reflect the latest vehicle that I believe Agent Gibbs sto…ah…bor-rowed…borrowed” Tim said stumbling slightly, his voice firming up over the last word.  “I believe he’s traveling generally in a north-western direction…”

 

“Why?”

 

Tim turned to his computer and clicked a few keys.  In seconds a map came up with several points highlighted.  

 

 

“Agent Todd’s government vehicle was found at this location…” he said while pointing to a highlighted spot on the map.  “Three vehicles were reported sto…missing…from the same general location.  Only one was found, a Ford Taurus.  It was abandoned at this mall parking lot here,” he said and pointed out another spot, “nearly 80 miles northwest from where we found Agent Todd’s car.”  

 

 

Tim paused to look at Morrow but the man remained stoically looking at the map.

 

“Mall security then received a report of a missing vehicle approximately two hours later.  That vehicle, a Toyota Camry, has yet to be located.  The mall is located near this junction which would allow Agent Gibbs to go either north, northwest or south,” Tim said as he pointed to the junction.

 

“If Agent Gibbs continues on approximately the same heading as before, my guess would be that he took this highway,” he said pointing to a particular highway marked in yellow.  “But until we get a report on that vehicle, either spotted on the road or abandoned, it’s still a waiting game.”

 

At that moment Ducky walked into the bullpen.  

 

 

“You asked to see me, Director?” he asked as he approached.

 

“Yes, Doctor.  Have you received any other information from Bethesda on what they think might be happening here?”

 

Ducky sighed and shook his head.  “I’m afraid not, Director.  All they can surmise is that Agent Gibbs might be suffering from amnesia with a potential for delusional behavior.  He might shows signs of paranoia or possibly some form of dissociative behavior.  It’s really up in the air so to speak, Director.  Their main concern is that Agent Gibbs might suffer from debilitating migraines…”

 

“But wouldn’t that cause him to seek some form of medical attention?  Doing so could lead us to him.”

 

“While that is true, there is also the possibility of damage from the chemically-induced migraines.  We need to find him as soon as possible, Director.”

 

Both men paused to look at Abby who had gasped when Ducky mentioned possible brain damage.  Ducky was proud of her, though, for keeping very quiet despite the tears that stood out in her eyes.  He was equally proud of McGee as he silently reached up to grasp one of her hands in comfort.  They were a family.  No matter what, they’d see one another through this terrible incident.

 

“We’re working on it, Doctor,” Director Morrow said.  “As a close friend of Agent Gibbs I was hoping you could shed some light on where he might be going,” Morrow said as he pointed to the map.

 

Ducky peered through his glasses and looked up at the screen.  

 

 

“Normally I would have assumed that Jethro would have been pulled to go home to Pennsylvania, but lies north.  I can’t really say why he would be moving in that direction, I’m afraid,” Ducky said while pointing to the map.

 

“We’ll find out why as soon as we catch up to him,” Morrow said with certainty and then turned to McGee.  “Keep on it, Agent McGee.”

 

“Yes, Sir,” Tim answered.  

 

 

“Ms. Sciuto,” Director Morrow said, addressing Abby in the corner.  “Do you have anything to keep you occupied while we search for Agent Gibbs and your team mates?”

 

Abby gave a tremulous smile at the Director for including her in Gibbs’ team. 

 

 

“Not right now, Sir,” Abby said suddenly afraid that he’d come up with something that would take her away from Tim’s side.

 

“Well then, Abby,” the Director said with a smile.  “Knowing how good you are with computers, I expect you to help Agent McGee with the search until you’re needed elsewhere.”

 

He was rewarded by a wide smile and bright “Yes, Sir!”  Then, with a nod to three of the finest members of NCIS, Director Morrow turned and left the bullpen.

 

\-----------------------------

 

Tony looked around the darkened room.  He had no idea what was going on.  Why was he lying on the bed with Gibbs?  Why had Kate been tied to the chair?  And what was up with that boner Gibbs had gotten just from feeding him?  He struggled against his restraints a bit more but knew that he was secured too well.  He looked over at Gibbs whom he could see pretty well because of a strip of light that entered the room and lit it up pretty well.  It bisected Gibbs body as well as his own and he could see Gibbs’ even respirations which told Tony he was asleep.  He really hoped Gibbs would be more himself after a few hours of rest.  He thought back to that sandwich.  Under any other circumstances being hand-fed like that could have been fun but he’d had to remind himself that this wasn’t really Gibbs.  His Gibbs didn’t want him like that.  He looked passed Gibbs to see Kate’s silhouette.  She was still and he wondered if she was awake or asleep.  Probably asleep he decided and he dropped his head back onto the bed deciding that he needed to try and sleep too but he froze when he felt movement next to him.  

 

 

Slowly Gibbs rolled over towards him and very gently laid a hand on his chest.  Tony felt his heart rate jump up as the breath stilled in his chest.  He wondered if Gibbs could feel it.  He decided that he had because the hand began to caress his chest in small, soothing circles.  After a bit the circles became larger and that warm hand began to rub lightly over his belly and across his chest.  After a moment he felt the hand begin to unbutton his shirt and his breath again caught in his throat.  He should stop this, say something…  _You’re gagged, you idiot_ , he reminded himself as the warm fingers caressed his skin and tugged lightly at his chest hair before moving over to rub a calloused thumb over his nipple and he arched into the touch but remained silent.  Gibbs tying him to the bed suddenly made sense to Tony.  He’d obviously planned this and again Tony thought to at least make some noise but the intent never made it to his mouth.  He’d dreamt of this for too long.  

 

 

Gibbs shadowed face moved closer as he leaned over Tony.  After a moment the gag slipped away and Tony opened his mouth but with a swift move Gibbs claimed it in a demanding kiss.  Tony had no control over the moan wrested from him this time as Gibbs’ tongue began to explore.  Gibbs took what he wanted in that kiss and it was everything Tony had ever dreamed of.  Gibbs sucked Tony’s tongue into his mouth and ran his heavily calloused hand up Tony’s side.  Tony felt his stomach muscles quiver at the touch.  His breath hitched as the hand again found his nipple and pinched while Gibbs nipped lightly at Tony’s tongue.  Tony was panting now and beginning to squirm in his effort to rub himself against Gibbs.  _Christ!_   To be here, tied to the bed…it was one of his fantasies come true.  

 

 

At some point in the rush of sensation Tony became aware of Gibbs fingers skimming over his cock.  He hadn’t been aware of Gibbs unfastening his pants and pulling down his underwear.  He’d been too lost to the mouth over his and the fingers pinching and stroking his nipples.  Everywhere Gibbs touched felt like fire but Gibbs’ hand was hotter still as he closed his fist over Tony’s dick and his mouth closed over the swollen hard pebbles on his chest.  Tony moaned again and he became aware of more warm skin covering his own as Gibbs pushed Tony’s clothes out of the way and removed his own, still touching and stroking, licking and sucking Tony as he worked.  Tony was only barely aware of having one ankle released as his pants and underwear were pushed down around the ankle still secured to the bed.

 

Gibbs kept up the maddening touches and Tony desperately wished he wasn’t tied up so that he could join in.  But he _was_ tied up…and this _wasn’t Gibbs_ , not the Gibbs he knew, and Gibbs didn’t feel this way about him.  He had to stop this.  If it continued who knows what would happen when Gibbs was well?  Would he remember?  And if he did, Tony didn’t think he’d be able to live with whatever disgust Gibbs would feel for him and for himself when he got better.  And Kate was listening to everything…she had to be.  

 

 

Kate was.  She’d slipped into a light doze but had been awakened by the rustling movements coming from the bed.  Her eyes widened at what was dimly visible in the darkened room.  Gibbs was leaning over Tony, she could hear Tony moan and her heart caught up in her throat.  What she was seeing, hearing, couldn’t possibly be happening.  Gibbs wouldn’t…couldn’t…  Oh, dear God… _Tony!_  And as she looked towards the bed she found that she could just make out the sight of pale skin and firm muscles and dear Lord, why hadn’t she ever realized what a great butt Gibbs had under those slacks?  She watched mesmerized while her imagination filled in anything her eyes didn’t quite pick up.  

 

 

And it was amazing.  The sight of Gibbs rubbing his body over Tony’s while Tony writhed and arched under him made her head reel and she felt a tingling in her crotch at the sight which was stopped dead at Tony’s next words.

 

The thought of Kate listening brought a small modicum of awareness back to Tony and he gasped. “Gibbs, please don’t… _not in front of_ _Kate…!_ ” 

 

But Tony was stopped by Gibbs’ hands pulling his head back by his hair. 

 

“Don’t call me that!” Gibbs growled down at Tony angry and not caring about an audience.

 

The only thing Kate could hear were Tony’s words…pain-filled words that begged for Gibbs to stop what he was doing.  Disgust filled her, both at Gibbs and at herself.  She’d allowed herself to be entranced by the beauty of the two men together but she would never sanction rape.  Yet she was powerless to help Tony and that guilt piled on top of the guilt she already felt for the sin of finding pleasure in what she’d seen.  She closed her eyes and began to pray.

 

 “That’s who you are…” Tony grunted out against the pain in his scalp where Gibbs fisted his hair tightly.  

 

 

“No!  I’m not him!” Gibbs hissed.  

 

 

“Jethro…” Tony tried again all too conscious of Kate listening in.

 

But he was quieted when Gibbs bent his head down to whisper in Tony’s ear.

 

“I don’t wanna _be_ him…”

 

Gibbs lifted his head to stare into Tony’s eyes but Tony couldn’t see his.  Still he could feel that gaze burning into him and he looked into the deep shadows of Gibbs’ face.

 

“Why?” 

 

In answer Gibbs brushed his lips over Tony’s as he moved to the other ear.

 

“His life is dark, full of pain and loneliness… so many regrets.  And it hurts so much every day.  There are days when he can barely stand to get up in the morning.  I don’t want that…” the voice explained in a pained, desperate whisper that tore at Tony’s heart and brought tears to his eyes.  

 

 

He’d never realized how unhappy Gibbs was and cursed himself for thinking that he knew Gibbs so well.  _God, you’ve got your masks, too…_

 

“Please…you’re the only light…” The need and fear dripping from that word were like drops of acid burning into Tony and he couldn’t help but respond. 

 

“What do you want?” Tony asked, his breath hitching at the pent up emotion in his chest.

 

“You…just you,” Gibbs whispered in a dark voice that sent shivers down Tony’s spine.  “I want to bury myself deep inside of you again…like I did over your desk…” 

 

Tony gasped out a sob at Gibbs’ words because it was more evidence of how wrong this was and how very badly it would turn out and he turned his head never feeling the tears that were finally released to slide down his cheeks.  What Gibbs was saying had never happened and Tony didn’t know if Gibbs was remembering a fantasy or if it was some figment of a coma-induced dream.  Hell, he didn’t even know if you could dream while you were in a coma.  And Gibbs in his right mind would _never_ fantasize about him…

 

But Tony’s thoughts were lost as Gibbs brushed against his anus with a fingertip and Gibbs’ mouth stopped any more protests as Gibbs slowly pushed his finger into him and gently stroked inside.  Gibbs slipped from Tony’s mouth and licked and kissed Tony’s cheeks and eyes in so tender a manner it took Tony’s breath away.  In all Tony’s fantasies Gibbs would pound into him, nailing him until he was howling in need.  But he’d never imagined this sweet domination, this incredible intimacy that went beyond lust and that carried Tony away in a flood of sensation.  He moaned and briefly wondered at the slickness of Gibbs’ hand as he patiently finger-fucked him, stretching him, all the while keeping him quiet with his mouth and his tongue. 

 

 

 _This is all so wrong…you’re not really Gibbs…Kate was listening, maybe seeing…_   And despite the thoughts running through Tony’s head he couldn’t get passed just how damn good it felt.  But somehow he found the will to again try to stop what would happen because the inevitable result was too painful to consider.  He tore his mouth away from those lips that were driving him mad.

 

“Gibbs _,_ NO! _Please… don’t…”_   

 

 

Kate nearly sobbed at hearing Tony questioning why and begging him to stop but she couldn’t hear Gibbs’ responses though there couldn’t be any justified reason for rape.  She felt her own tears leaking down her face stopping only because of her gag but she tried with everything in her not to betray the fact that she heard everything, that she knew what Gibbs was doing and that she’d heard Tony beg not to be raped with hitched breaths that sounded as though he was crying.  Then she saw the glistening trails of tears on Tony’s cheeks and her heart broke even as white hot anger at Gibbs burned through her and killed every bit of her earlier reaction.

 

 _Not like this, Jethro…not when remembering this later will destroy you…_  Tony thought but then his thoughts were lost to the burning stretch of Gibbs’ fingers and the lust that was burning through his own body.  Tony’s cock was hard and leaking and he cursed his inability to stop his response especially when Gibbs pushed up against his prostate while biting down on his nipple.  He tasted blood as he bit the inside of his mouth in his effort to stay quiet and he prayed that Kate was asleep because he wanted this like he’d never wanted anything else in his life.  It seemed to go on forever and Tony felt more coolness added to Gibbs’s fingers as he continued stretching him and he moaned at the sensation of Gibbs’ returning what felt like his whole hand to Tony’s hole and he thrust up against it, welcoming it.  Then the hand moved away only to be replaced with something else and Tony found himself eagerly opening up as Gibbs slowly pushed his way into him, filling him completely and he cursed the fact that despite the situation it all felt so very _right_ …  

 

 

When Gibbs lifted Tony’s thigh, a heavily muscled thigh Kate noted, to drape it over his shoulder, Kate shut her eyes and turned away as the words to prayers rolled through her mind.  She was trying desperately to shut out the sound of Tony’s rape, the slap of flesh on flesh and the smell of male rutting, all the while damning herself for her earlier reaction. 

 

Gibbs again thrust deeply into Tony, his body thrumming with pleasure he hadn’t known in ages, pleasure so intense he felt as though he was about to explode into a million pieces.  So hot, so very tight, his taste and scent…  Gibbs was lost in sensation as he pushed in harder and faster and although he could feel Tony closing around him, inner muscles grasping him tightly, he was unaware of how silent he was.  Blindly, he reached out and grasped Tony’s cock in his hand and squeezed once before stroking him.  The next thing he knew was the moment when Tony clamped down around him with a low groan which he unknowingly matched as his own climax burst inside of him shattering any remaining sense of awareness.

 

Slowly Tony became aware of Gibbs leaning over him and panting lightly causing a draft across the cooling puddle on his belly but it was nothing compared to the cold he felt inside.  Gibbs was still buried inside of him but Tony could feel him slipping away, no doubt a prelude to what would happen in the coming days when Gibbs remembered what he’d done this night.  Finally Gibbs slipped out and Tony shuddered at the sudden chill when Gibbs moved away and he refused to acknowledge the intense sense of loss he felt at that moment.  The thought came to him that at least he had a bit of Gibbs still inside of him for a little while, fleeting though it would be.  He turned his face into his arm and tried desperately not to cry.   

 

 

Sometime later, after several deep groans, Kate listened while everything quieted down and the only sound was of panting breaths.  She opened her eyes to see the pale sheen of a naked Gibbs entering the bathroom.  She looked at Tony but he had his head turned away.  She heard the sound of running water and then a footstep but Kate closed her eyes.  She didn’t trust herself not to stare but she did peek to see him gently wiping Tony off and her eyes narrowed in anger.  How dare he try to be gentle after what he did?  

 

 

Gibbs finished wiping Tony off and then he wiped himself.  He made no other sound as he again got into the bed facing away from Kate.  Tony never said a word and she wondered if he was even conscious but she chided herself.  Tony was hurt but he wasn’t the type to faint and it would be best for her to just stay still and pretend to have slept through it all which she hoped would save Tony some embarrassment.  She closed her eyes but sleep wouldn’t come.  All she saw were the images of the two men together and she wondered what her penance would be at her next confession.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	5. Chapter 5

“Sir, there’s been a sighting of the latest car Agent Gibbs was using,” McGee reported excitedly as he hung up the phone.  He’d been at his desk all night hoping someone somewhere would see something and it had finally happened.

 

Morrow was about to ask McGee to put it up on the screen but saw that he was already in the process of doing so.  He nodded in approval of Gibbs’ newest agent’s ability to anticipate his needs.  But then Morrow knew all of Gibbs’ people were just that good or he wouldn’t have had them on his team.

 

“They’re here, Sir, still headed in a northwesterly direction.  I’ve got local LEOs blocking the roadways here and here,” McGee said as he pointed out the locations on the screen.

 

“Then what are we waiting for?” Morrow asked as he left the room.

 

McGee paused for just a second before grabbing his coat and racing after him.

 

\---------------------------

 

Tony had slipped into a sated sleep after Gibbs had wiped away the evidence of their pleasure.  So many regrets because of what had just happened and yet Tony had loved the feeling of Gibbs buried deeply inside of him and he knew, regardless of the pain to come, that he’d remember this for the rest of his life.  Gibbs returned to the bed to lie next to him and Tony listened to Gibbs’ slightly labored breathing until it evened out in sleep.  Only then did he close his own eyes and let himself drift away.

 

He was awakened the next morning by the feel of fingers again exploring his ass.  He relaxed into it and buried his face into his arms which were still secured over his head.  He was on his side with Gibbs spooned up behind him and relished the feel of warm skin against his back.  He didn’t know what would happen but he’d decided before sleep had taken him the night before to just go with it and to store up whatever memories he could before it all came crashing down.

 

 _Ahhh_ , he breathed into his bicep.  Gibbs was good…very good…and Tony could feel the pleasure building up at Gibbs’ ministrations.  But try as he might, the pleasure couldn’t completely override the thought that this would be the last time he’d ever know this.  McGee was no doubt hot on their trail and probably had Morrow on his back, too.  If Gibbs hadn’t been suffering from such major headaches they would still be moving.  But they hadn’t and it probably gave McGee time to find them.

 

Gibbs pushed Tony over onto his stomach and then moved over him.  Tony breathed in slowly as he felt Gibbs push his way back inside of him.  It burned a little but the pain slowly gave way to the pleasure of having Gibbs covering him.  He could feel Gibbs’ chest hair on his back and it sent little shivers scooting all over him.  Gibbs nuzzled him at his nape and then he rained little kisses across Tony’s shoulders.  It felt so good Tony could almost let himself believe that they were together for real and that this was the way Gibbs woke him up every morning.  It was a wonderful fantasy, but it was still a fantasy and Tony knew he’d never know this pleasure, this wonderful feeling of completeness again.  That thought brought such sorrow to him despite the amazing sensations he was experiencing that his eyes again filled with tears.   And so, while Gibbs loved him as thoroughly as he could, Tony stored away every touch, every sensation, knowing that in the future his memories would be all he had and upon that thought his tears again slipped down and away.

 

Kate opened her eyes to the still dimly-lit room only to awaken completely when she realized that Gibbs was again raping Tony.  Her eyes narrowed in anger as she watched Gibbs lean over Tony’s back.  He pulled Tony’s head back by his hair and forced a kiss on him before continuing his violation.  She saw Gibbs’ ass flex with every thrust into Tony’s body and she felt that violation in herself.  This time there was no thought given to how they looked together.   Instead she found herself wishing she could shoot Gibbs for hurting Tony so badly, especially when she saw Tony turn his head and she again saw the tears on his face, tears that ran from tightly closed eyes, across the bridge of his nose only to drip onto his arm.  Her heart broke yet again.  Not wanting Tony to open his eyes and see her watching she closed her eyes and turned away.

 

It took awhile but Kate steadfastly ignored the sounds around her until she was sure she heard clothes being donned.  She cracked her eyes open a bit.

 

“You can open them all the way.  We’re decent,” Gibbs said through gritted teeth.

 

Kate’s eyes flew open at the sound of his voice and she looked hard at the man who’d raped her partner.  But despite her fury she could see how pale Gibbs looked.  Pain etched deep grooves across Gibbs’ face and he appeared to be somewhat shaky as he moved around the room.  She looked quickly over to Tony whose eyes never left Gibbs.  She wasn’t sure what he was thinking, it almost looked as though he was worried about Gibbs but she wasn’t sure if he was worried he’d be molested again or if he was worried about Gibbs condition.

 

Gibbs moved over to Kate and they repeated the bathroom procedure from the night before.  He secured her back into her chair and then took care of Tony.   Kate noted that his movements seemed much gentler than the day before and she wondered if he was feeling guilt over his actions.  She hoped he did.

 

Moving again in that strange three-way dance Gibbs got them into the car and back on the road only this time Kate was sitting in the back seat and both she and Tony were left un-gagged.  She watched both men and tried to interpret their glances at one another.  She found she couldn’t and it broth frustrated and angered her. 

 

“Gibbs, you don’t look well…” she began but Gibbs turned towards her and pinned her with his glare.  She wasn’t really surprised that he hadn’t lost that capability along with his knowledge of who he was.

 

“No one speaks or I’ll gag you both again,” he bit out and then pulled out of the parking lot.

 

They’d been on the road just a few minutes before Gibbs suddenly swerved and pulled off.  He dropped his head into his hands.

 

Up until this point Tony had been suspiciously quiet but when Gibbs pulled off the road he leaned over to Gibbs.

 

“Jethro…please,” he asked quietly.  “Kate’s right, you need a doctor and I’m asking…no, I’m begging you, please listen to her.”

 

Kate waited for Gibbs’ response although she doubted he’d listened.  He hadn’t listened to Tony’s pleading the night before.

 

“I can’t stop…I’ve got to get you back…”

 

“Back where?  Back to NCIS?”

 

Gibbs looked up into Tony’s face with a slightly confused expression but then it hardened into a determined look.

 

“No…back to Ohio…”

 

That answer completely threw Tony for a loop.  Ohio?  

 

 

“Why Ohio?”

 

“Where you were happy…” Gibbs said and his face again dissolved into a slightly confused expression and he looked around.  “We need to keep moving…they’re following…”

 

“Jethro…” Tony began but Gibbs silenced him with a finger to his lips.

 

“Don’t make me gag you,” he said regretfully.  

 

 

Tony sighed and then nodded.  With a slight smile Gibbs again pulled out onto the road and they drove on.

 

\-----------------------------

 

McGee looked out through the window of the chopper they were in.  He heard over the headset that they were near the road block and he looked out immediately spotting the police vehicles as well as an ambulance and he hoped it was just to transport Gibbs to the nearest medical facility and not to deal with any injuries as a result of the blockade.  The chopper set down in a nearby field and both Morrow and McGee ran out.  They’d received word that the suspect vehicle had been reported taking this route so the officers manning the other blockade then raced to follow Gibbs hoping to pin him down from both directions.  McGee found himself saying a quick prayer that Gibbs would understand that they had no desire to hurt him.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	6. Chapter 6

Gibbs drove on but he suddenly noted that opposing traffic had dwindled down to nothing.  It sent alarms ringing through him and he slowed down while he considered his options.  They were in between off-ramps with nothing but fields around them.  The little car they drove wouldn’t make it far through the muddied fields assuming they even made it across the water-filled ditches.  They were still moving forward when he saw the flashing lights of the blockade ahead.  He stopped the car.  Some distance behind him he saw the flashing lights of more police vehicles.  There was a line of trees to his right but they’d only make it there on foot.  He pulled out a gun and then reached over to untie Tony’s feet.  It never occurred to him to leave Tony behind.

 

“Jethro, listen to me…we won’t make it on foot, either.  The logical thing to do is to just give ourselves up.  I’m sure they know you’ve been sick, they don’t want to hurt us,” Tony said quietly.

 

“They’ll take you away…” 

 

“No, I promise they won’t, Jethro.  I’ll go with you to the hospital, okay?  And I swear it to you, Jethro, you and I will go to Ohio…together…once you’re well,” Tony said with every bit of persuasion he was capable of, his eyes pleading for Gibbs to believe him.

 

Kate watched the two men afraid to make any sound that would distract Gibbs and ruin what Tony was trying to accomplish.  She looked around and noted the proximity of the police vehicles and she cursed silently to herself.  They’d moved closer in the few minutes they’d been stopped but she doubted Gibbs had been aware of that.  He was too focused on Tony and she hoped that their presence wouldn’t set him off.

 

“Gibbs,” she said quietly.  “The police are right over there.  Please put your gun down so that they won’t misinterpret your actions.  They think you want to hurt Tony but we all know better.  We know you won’t hurt him…hurt us…right?”

 

“No, never hurt him…” Gibbs said seemingly lost for a moment and then his face tightened again in pain as a bullhorn suddenly sounded.

 

_“Put down your weapon.  You are surrounded…”_

 

Gibbs hands went to his ears and he curled over in agony. 

 

 

“Jethro, I know you’re in pain but please, please open the window.  Let me tell them that you won’t hurt us…” Tony pleaded and then released a breath of relief when Gibbs fingers fumbled over to the door controls.  Both Tony’s and Gibbs’ windows opened.

 

“It’s okay…we’re okay…just stand down…!” Tony shouted through his window and Gibbs moaned again.  Tony turned to him.

 

“Jethro, please throw your gun out…they won’t stand down until you do…”

 

Somehow Gibbs understood through the white-hot pokers that were burning holes through his head and he succeeded in getting the gun to the window to drop it out.  Within moments the door was wrenched open and Gibbs was hauled out and thrown on the ground and cuffed.  Both Tony and Kate screamed at them to ease up, telling the officers that he was sick but several officers remained pointing weapons at all three of them.

 

It wasn’t until Morrow pushed his way through that the officers lowered their weapons.  He demanded that they release all three individuals but the other two officers who had frisked Gibbs and found a second weapon on him refused to release him and wouldn’t let McGee near him.

 

It wasn’t until Tony rushed to Gibbs’ side and Morrow demanded that he be allowed to come close that they backed away.

 

“Jethro…Jethro…” Tony called desperately as he patted Gibbs’ face but Gibbs was only semi-conscious. 

 

 

“We’ve got to get him to the hospital now!” he demanded looking at Morrow.

 

Morrow nodded and motioned for the ambulance crew to come up and then he turned to speak with the police.

 

Tony watched as the paramedics began treating Gibbs.  He turned to speak to the officer next to him.

 

“Please take off the cuffs,” Tony asked the one kneeling by Gibbs.

 

“I’m sorry, sir, the cuffs have to stay on until he’s proven to no longer be a danger.”

 

Tony gritted his teeth.  The officer was right, of course, but it infuriated him to see Gibbs secured like that.  

 

 

“Agent DiNozzo, we need to follow protocol,” Morrow broke in leaving no room for argument.  “He’ll be released soon enough.”

 

Tony nodded and stepped back as the paramedics lifted the gurney that held an unconscious Gibbs, now cuffed to the rail.  Tony knew that he had to act fast.  He turned and saw Kate with McGee.  She was rubbing her reddened wrist but was looking at Tony.  He walked over to them.

 

“Tony,” McGee said with a smile when he walked up.  “Are you okay?”

 

Tony couldn’t help but return the smile with one of his own.  It was obvious McGee was immensely relieved that they appeared to be alright but Tony needed to talk to Kate alone. 

 

 

“Of course, McBloodhound.  Good job on tracking us down,” he said sincerely and got a wide smile in return.  “Hey, I think Morrow is looking for you…” Tony said and watched as McGee scooted away.

 

Kate lost no time.  As soon as McGee was out of ear shot she turned on Tony.

 

“Tony, you need to go to the hospital.  They need to collect whatever evidence they can…”

 

“No, Kate,” Tony said implacably and watched as her eyes widened.

 

“But, Tony, you need to be seen…treated…” she said and Tony could see the concern in her eyes along with a healthy dose of anger.

 

“Kate, listen to me.  We’re both going to the hospital but the only thing they’re going to check are my wrists.  Nothing else, do you understand?”

 

“No!  I don’t understand!  What Gibbs did was…"

 

“Was under the influence of that drug, Kate, and I’m not about to ruin his career over something he had no control over.  I have no intention of pressing any charges and I’m not about to ruin the best job of my life over this.”

 

“Tony, think about it…you’re probably suffering from shock…”

 

“Kate, I need you to promise me that you won’t say anything…”

 

“No, Tony…”

 

“Promise me, Kate…please,” Tony asked looking hard into her eyes.  “Please,” he asked again.

 

Kate returned his look, her eyes searching for something to tell her that Tony wasn’t in his right mind but she found nothing except his serious intent to remain quiet over what had happened.  She also saw the pleading in his eyes and a vulnerability she’d never seen in Tony before.  Against her will she nodded and the immediate relief she saw soothed her somewhat but didn’t ease her concern.

 

“Thank you, Kate,” Tony said sincerely.

 

Just then McGee trotted back over to them.

 

“You guys ready?  We’re going in the chopper back to Bethesda.  Ducky will go with Gibbs.  Once Gibbs is checked over he’ll be transferred to Bethesda, too.”

 

Tony nodded and then he and Kate followed McGee.  Tony didn’t want to go in the chopper.  He wanted to go with Gibbs and he said so to both Kate and McGee.  As they approached Gibbs was placed in the ambulance and Tony made a move to go with him but was stopped by a hand on his arm. 

 

 

 

“We’ll follow,” Morrow said but Tony knew that what Morrow really wanted was an initial brief on what had occurred while he was held. 

 

 

 

Tony saw an officer enter the ambulance and then watched as it drove away.  He had no choice.  He nodded and then went with Morrow to the chopper.  

 

 

En route they briefed Morrow on almost everything that had occurred.  Tony steadfastly refused to look at Kate while he recited his version of events.  But he did let out a silent breath of relief when her story matched his. 

 

 

 

“Did Gibbs ever say where he was taking you?” Morrow asked.

 

Tony spared a brief glance towards Kate but her expression was unreadable.

 

“He said he was taking us to Ohio.”

 

“Why?”

 

“He thought we would be happy there,” Tony answered truthfully.

 

“Does Gibbs have any connection to anyone in Ohio?” 

 

“Nothing in his records, sir,” McGee added in.  He’d done his own review of Gibbs’ records when they figured out what direction he was headed.

 

“Tony mentioned that his time at Ohio State was some of the happiest of his life,” Kate added in unexpectedly.  “We had been discussing happy times in our lives just before the hostage incident occurred where Agent Gibbs was accidently dosed.  He probably fixated on that,” Kate answered with only a brief glance towards Tony who also nodded.  She noted a brief look of gratitude on his face but then she turned away.  She was still angry with Tony over his refusal to get treated and he knew it.

 

Morrow seemed to accept their statements without further question.  Moments later they were landing at Bethesda.  Once on the ground they received notification from Ducky that Gibbs had been deemed stable and had been cleared for transfer to Bethesda.  Now they only had to wait for him to arrive.

 

It took hours but eventually Gibbs was admitted to Bethesda.  Tony had been climbing the walls of the waiting room with the rest of the team waiting for some word.  Both he and Kate had been treated for the abrasions on their wrists but they both denied any other injuries.  Through it all Kate had remained silent although she kept her eyes on Tony.  McGee picked up on her concern so she eased back a bit and said it was just nerves which he seemed of accept. 

  

Ducky, however, watched the two agents and knew that something was amiss.  Tony and Kate often argued and disagreed, much like the siblings they seemed to be in their little NCIS family.  But the two were first and foremost partners and Ducky had a great deal of experience with just what being partners entailed and right now he could tell that the two had a fundamental disagreement over something very serious.  Just what he was not quite sure of but he decided to keep a close eye on the two. 

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	7. Chapter 7

One week later Gibbs stood by his hospital window and stared out into the night.  He was finding it difficult to sleep now that they were weaning him off the drug they’d used to combat the migraines he’d suffered as a result of that damned injection.  But he didn’t know which was worse, the pain of the migraines or the sleepy confusion.  He’d been told he was lucky and that there didn’t appear to be any permanent damage.  The chance that his memory of what transpired while he was under the effect of that drug returning, however, was questionable.  Either way it pissed him off.

 

And adding to that anger and confusion was the constant stream of visits from his team.  He didn’t want or need their sympathy and worried looks.  He just needed to get out of this hospital and back to his house.  But most especially, he didn’t need DiNozzo hanging around him with those wary green eyes.  What was up with him?  Yeah, he knew he’d kidnapped both Kate and DiNozzo, had kept them hostage while he was on some drug-induced mission.  But they hadn’t been hurt, just a few abrasions around their wrists from the restraints.  So what was going on with Tony and why was he hovering so damn close?  They needed to just back away like he’d told them, just leave him the hell alone for awhile.  So why did that hurt in those green eyes make his chest constrict and guilt flow through him?  It didn’t make any sense. 

 

 

 

The doctor was ready to release him to rest at home and that he’d be cleared for duty on Monday.  Gibbs couldn’t wait to get out.  He hated hospitals as much as DiNozzo did.  His doctor said to let the memories come in their own time, that he wasn’t supposed to push it, but Gibbs had the sinking feeling that something had happened during those few days, something important.  But just what he had no idea.  All he could do was hope that it had nothing to do with his feelings about DiNozzo.  That was his personal secret, one that he hoped the drug hadn’t forced him to reveal.  And if it had then he’d better be ready for the transfer or resignation letter he was sure would be on his desk when he returned.  And he’d better be ready for the pain he knew would come when Tony did finally leave.

 

\------------------------------

 

While Gibbs was in the hospital Tony and Kate had been given a few days off.  Now they were in the process of getting cleared to return to work.  First they had to finish the reports of their abduction.  Then they had to have physicals which included psych evals.  Tony’s physical was no problem.  He’d mentioned the hit on his head and had shown them the healing abrasions on his wrists and ankles and then denied having any other problems.  And it was true.  Gibbs had been very gentle and had stretched him well so there was very little residual pain and soreness.  As far as the psych eval, Tony had been prepared and had flown through the questions with ease while lying through his teeth at every turn.  He hoped Kate would be able to handle her eval as easily. 

 

 

 

Kate’s physical also showed nothing beyond the expected abrasions.  The doctor had asked, though, if there was anything else at all that she wanted to report.  Kate knew what they were asking and she wondered if they’d asked Tony that same question.  She doubted it.  She said no and they’d released her.  That evening while she switched items into another purse she noticed that her bottle of lotion was missing.  She flashed back to Gibbs going through her purse and she knew then what it was he’d palmed.  He’d used her lotion while raping Tony.  Her stomach gave a sudden heave and she ran to the bathroom to vomit into the toilet.  After coughing and spitting out the vile taste she flushed and sat with her back to the wall as the sobs forced their way out of her.  She sat there for a long time crying for her friend and fearing what the coming days would bring. 

 

Later Kate could only assume that the agency psychiatrist either just couldn’t read Tony at all or maybe it was that Tony was just that good, but he passed his eval without question.  She was a bit more concerned about her own but when she passed hers as well, she decided that the psychiatrist was probably like many other government service contractors who got the job just by being the lowest bidder.  Amazing.

 

\-------------------------------

 

Tony rolled over in bed resolutely telling himself that he was NOT going to look at his clock.  It was Sunday night, damnit, and he needed to get some sleep.  And just because tomorrow was Gibbs’ first day back everything would be alright.  He just had to get some sleep so that he’ll be at the top of his game.  He kept his eyes closed and began reciting Ohio State basketball stats to himself which devolved into the latest Miss America stats which then evolved into new names for McGee but try as he might he couldn’t fall asleep.  But why would he want to fall asleep anyway if all he did was dream about Gibbs, relive every moment of those two days?  

 

 

God, he hoped Kate didn’t think about those days but there wasn’t anything he could do about it if she did.  All he knew was that Gibbs didn’t remember anything about those two days nor of the day or so before that.  It was like that week had been obliterated from his memory.  Tony had hoped that his proximity would help jog Gibbs’ memory, but it seemed to have the opposite effect and the end result was Gibbs being very… _Gibbs_ , meaning the bastard part, of course.  It was like he couldn’t even bear to be around Tony.

 

Why?  The question kept rolling around in his mind.  Maybe the drug had dropped all of Gibbs’ shields...maybe he really didn’t like having Tony around and he couldn’t hide it anymore.  _Yeah, wouldn’t be the first time for that one, would it, DiNozzo?_   He thought with a pang.  He knew he was accepted by the rest of the team.  He’d just kind of thought that he’d had a special friendship with Gibbs but maybe he’d been wrong.  So, okay, regardless of how much that thought hurt, there were still other possibilities, right?  What if he did remember but the thought of what he’d done to Tony was so abhorrent that he refused to acknowledge it?  Oh, yeah…that reason was _so_ much better.  But even if Gibbs were ashamed, he was still man enough to at least own up to what he did, maybe apologize…

  

 

Yeah, right…Gibbs _apologize_?

 

Tony rolled over again.  Okay, so what if he did remember and he was so disgusted at himself that he figured it would be better to play like it had never happened.  Maybe that’s why he was being such an ass to him.  After all, how else do you keep a working relationship going with the person you raped? 

 

“Aaagh!” he groaned as he rubbed his eyes. 

 

 

 

Gibbs had gotten out of the hospital several days before but he’d told Tony and the rest of the team in no uncertain terms that he didn’t expect to see them until he returned to work the following week.  And later, as Tony had delayed just a bit to make sure he had everything he needed Gibbs had told him to get the hell out and that he didn’t want him around at all.  At the time those words had hit him like a blow but after he’d calmed down a bit --okay, after he’d cried it out in his car--he finally accepted that Gibbs had been through a lot and that he really needed the space to figure it all out on his own, just as Tony needed to.

 

Tony again felt the sting of tears in his eyes.  God, what was wrong with him?  But he knew what it was.  Regardless of how much he’d wanted to be with Gibbs, he never would have envisioned it happening like that.  He’d begged Gibbs not to do it but he still did, and in front of Kate.  God, he could barely look her in the eye now.  So yeah, technically, Gibbs had raped him.  He acknowledged that fact to himself.  And Gibbs didn’t remember any of it.  He had to deal with it.  And the incident would to be remembered only by Tony and, unfortunately, Kate, which was a whole other mess in and of itself.  God, what was he going to do?

 

The next morning Gibbs returned to work and was warmly greeted by Abby, of course, and McGee and Ducky.  Tony’s welcome back was hesitant and Kate’s downright cold.  Abby and McGee exchanged puzzled glances but if Gibbs noticed he didn’t say a word.

 

Days passed with no apparent change in the status quo except for Kate’s mental state.  Gibbs acted like he didn’t remember a thing, and although he probably didn’t, she couldn’t seem to even look at the man without her stomach curdling up in loathing.  She spent every night in prayer for strength to get passed what she was feeling.  But still she walked into work every morning, steeling herself with every step so that she could make it through another day.  She called out a good morning to the bullpen at large and got her usual cheery ‘morning, Kate,’ from both Tim and Tony and an emotionless ‘morning’ from Gibbs.

   

 

Taking a deep breath she forced down the immediate surge of anger the mere sound of Gibbs’ voice evoked within her.  It was enough to make her stomach ache.  She pulled off the long coat she wore in deference to the recent chilly weather and placed it on the file cabinet behind her.  She wasn’t sure how much longer she could put up with this situation.  She didn’t know how Tony was coping at all.  

 

 

Yeah, so Gibbs doesn’t remember what he did, but that didn’t change what it was probably doing to Tony.  Damnit, she should have said something regardless of what she’d promised.  No one could just ignore a traumatic experience like being raped, especially when you had to face your attacker on a daily basis.  And add to that the fact that Tony had to be dealing with the fact that he _was raped_ , raped by another man, a man he trusted and looked up to.  And as horrible as it sounded, if Gibbs had raped her it would have been almost more understandable.  The possibility of being raped just wasn’t in a man’s mindset whereas women subconsciously accept that the potential exists.

 

But God, it pissed her off.  Tony on tenterhooks, afraid that Gibbs would suddenly remember and probably worried that he’d have to either testify against Gibbs or maybe have to transfer out of a job she knew he loved.   Tim and Abby were worried and Abby had even taken her out to lunch in an effort to find out why she was still angry with Gibbs.  Unfortunately, Abby was under the impression that she was angry because Gibbs had been able to take her down and kidnap her.  Abby even felt the need to remind her that Gibbs had been able to do the same to Tony who was a lot bigger and stronger.  It had taken everything in her to _not_ say what else Gibbs had done to Tony.   In the end she said nothing and Abby had accepted her silence as agreement.

 

Sitting down she busied herself by booting up her computer.  She opened up her email and then opened the application she intended to use for her report.  After a moment her eye strayed to the time signature at the lower right-hand corner of her screen.  It read 8:05 am and Tony wasn’t in, yet.  She had a sudden stab of fear.  What if Tony suddenly realized he couldn’t handle it anymore?  Would he do something drastic? 

 

 

 

She sat frozen with that thought when Tony suddenly walked around the partition headed for his desk.  It looked as though he’d barely tumbled out of bed.  She looked more closely and saw shadows under his eyes but he covered it with a manic grin.

 

“Time?” he bit out and pointed at Kate.

 

“8:05,” she answered automatically.  

 

 

“Whoa, made  it here in seventeen minutes…that’s almost two minutes better than my best time!” he said with a grin but then straightened when Gibbs walked up to him and leaned in close to his ear.

 

“Getting to work on time a game for you DiNozzo?” he said in a deadly voice.

 

“No, Boss…sorry…I just overslept and I was trying…ouch!” Tony exclaimed and rubbed the back of his head but kept his eyes front.

 

“If you can’t be bothered to come in on time, don’t come it at all, understood?” he gritted out in a deadly serious tone. 

 

Tony looked straight ahead as every bit of that manic energy seemed to leech out of him.  

 

 

“Yeah, sorry, Boss…won’t happen again,” Tony said still eyes front, the smile gone.  Gibbs straightened and left spitting out that he was going for coffee.  Tony’s eyes dropped for a moment but then came back up with that smile plastered across his face again and he threw his stuff behind his desk and yanked out his chair.  He sat down with a whoosh and started booting up his computer.

 

Kate stared at him as she tried to fathom what was going on.  Tim just watched, a faint hint of disapproval on his face.

 

“What?” Tony spit out at both Kate and McGee, all pretense of good humor gone.

 

“Why do you do it, Tony?” McGee asked with a shake of his head.  It seemed that lately Tony was trying extra hard to get a reaction out of Gibbs and he just didn’t understand it.  Who _wants_ Gibbs pissed off at them?

 

“Ha!  Probie if you don’t know now, you’ll never understand,” Tony said with a humorless laugh.  

 

 

Kate opened her mouth but Tony turned towards her with a finger raised.  “Don’t,” was all he said and he bent his head to get back to work.

 

Things returned to normal for the most part.  They caught a case that kept them busy and if Kate was rather short with Gibbs he didn’t seem to notice.  If it seemed that Gibbs yelled more than usual at Tony nothing was said.  Tony was, after all, acting perfectly normal, as though he was accustomed to being yelled at several times a day for even the tiniest of infractions and that the repeated blows to the back of his head were expected.  Kate did call Gibbs on it once but was royally chewed out about minding her own business, Gibbs going so far as to say that if she didn’t like how he ran the team she had the option to transfer or resign.  Later Tony also took her aside and asked that she stay out of it for both his sake and her own and reminding her of her promise.  She felt like her hands were tied and she never in her life regretted more the giving of her word.

 

Gibbs strode out to the coffee kiosk.  He didn’t understand what was going on with his team.  And why in the hell couldn’t he get his mind off of DiNozzo?  Again he had the feeling that there was something he should know about him and it pissed him off that he couldn’t remember.  And to top it off, ever since he’d returned to work DiNozzo had been watching him like a hawk, almost shadowing him at times and his proximity was getting on his nerves, made him want to reach out and slap him or _something_.  He’d barked at him more than once to back the hell away and each time he saw a little bit of hurt cross those green eyes that made his chest ache.  And yet, even when DiNozzo was keeping his distance, just like he’d told him to, he found himself watching DiNozzo.  And Kate, she watched them both and whenever he snarled at DiNozzo Kate would fire off one of her pissed off looks in his direction which he didn’t understand at all.  He was sick and tired of not knowing what any of it meant.  

 

 

Ducky kept reminding him that sporadic bits of memories would come back in their own good time but by the same token other bits would probably be lost forever.  All he knew was that something was bugging both DiNozzo and Kate.  He could tell she was mad at him and DiNozzo kept looking at him like he was waiting for something but he sure as hell didn’t know what.  All in all it served to shorten his already volatile temper considerably.  He needed more coffee.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	8. Chapter 8

Abby and McGee again exchanged even more worried glances as the days went by.  But they'd been witness to Gibbs' treatment of Kate and so chose not to say anything while at work.  But, Abby being Abby, she did try to talk to Gibbs one day in her lab and found herself for the first time on the wrong end of Gibbs' glare, something he'd never exposed her to before and it shook her deeply.  So much so that she went to Ducky.

"Jethro, if you have a spare moment I'd like to speak with you," Ducky said as he called Gibbs on the phone.

"I'm in the middle of something right now, Duck.  I'll talk to you later today," Gibbs said and Ducky accepted that.

But the promised talk didn't materialize as the team caught yet another case.  It did, however, accord Ducky a first-hand view of what had both McGee and Abby so very concerned.  Ducky felt it was high time he stepped in.

"Jethro," Ducky said as he approached his friend late one evening after everyone else had left for the day.

"Working late, Duck?" Gibbs asked when he looked up from the circle of light illuminating his desk in the darkened room.

"Actually, I've been waiting for a moment to speak with you in private."

Gibbs placed his pen on the desk and sat back in his chair.  He had a feeling he knew what this was about.

"I have some concerns over your interactions with your team," he began, "and with Tony in particular."

"He come crying to you, Ducky?"

"On the contrary, he hasn't said a word.  I'm referring to the actions I've witnessed with my own eyes over the past two weeks."  
Ducky eased himself onto the edge of Gibbs' desk and ignored the icy blue glare he received.

"I recall your telling me what a fine agent Tony is, `one of the best you'd ever worked with' were your words at the time.  But lately I see that you're treating that young man quite unfairly.  Have his work ethics changed so drastically?"

"How I run my team is not your concern, doctor," Gibbs bit out.

"Oh, I have to disagree with you, Jethro.  How this team interacts is very much my concern, especially when a major behavioral change follows an injury to a member of the team.  Of course I speak primarily of the Team Lead who has been acting quite out of character recently."  Ducky leaned forward a bit.  "Jethro, you are my friend, let me please speak more as a friend here and not as a medical professional," he said gently.

"Damnit, Ducky…" but Ducky raised his hand.  He would have his say.

"I've known you for some time, Jethro.  I'm quite familiar with your moods and how you behave for the most part.  I've seen you when you are angry with a person and also when you are attracted to a person. I've thought for quite awhile now that there was more to your relationship with Tony than you've let on.  But since your return to duty there is tension on your part around him.  He, for the most part, behaves as though everything is completely normal but I'm not fooled by his act for a moment.  And neither, I suspect, are you."

"How I feel about Tony is none of your business, Ducky," Gibbs said, anger tingeing his words.

"Jethro, please…I'm very concerned here.  Something has changed recently and it is causing problems. Tony is extremely wary and Caitlin is angry.  It must be addressed.  I'm hoping you'll speak with me…" he trailed off on the implied threat of up-channeling his concerns despite the increase in problems that action would precipitate.

Gibbs took a deep breath and brought a hand up to pinch his nose.  After a moment he opened his eyes and looked at his long-time friend.  Maybe he could help.

"I've been attracted to Tony for a long time.  You know Rule #12, I'm not about to mess up a damn fine team over a relationship with a co-worker.  You and I both know how that would go.  But besides the rule I'd never act on it because Tony's straight, Duck."

"So what is bringing about this problem, Jethro?"

"I don't know!" Gibbs said rather loudly and then sat back.  It was like he wasn't in control of his emotions when it came to Tony and he didn't understand it.  "I don't know," he said in a much quieter voice.  "I get…agitated…when he's around.  When I was in the hospital he was always there, hovering.  I got the feeling there was something I should know but I couldn't figure it out.  So I sent them away to give myself some room to think.  But it hasn't helped, Ducky."  
Jethro jumped out of his chair and began to pace.  "Whenever I look at him I just want to…hell, I don't know, grab him, hit him…"

"Kiss him?" Ducky asked and Gibbs whirled around to glare at Ducky.

"Yes!" Gibbs spat out.  "I want to grab him and throw him down across his desk and…"  Gibbs stopped and stared at Tony's empty desk before completing that thought as he again recalled that fantasy.

"Ducky, I've never felt this way about anyone…"  Not even Shannon…  Everything had been so easy, so right with her…

"I dare say, Jethro, that your problem is that your deepest desires have somehow come to fore, no doubt due to a drop in your personal barriers as a result of that injection.  And I believe the reason they are so volatile is because you are doing everything in your power to deny them."

"I have to deny them, Duck!  My feelings towards DiNozzo have no place on this team."

"I see.  You said that Tony was hovering and that you have the impression that there was something you should know.  Could something have happened during those two days that you simply don't remember?  Something that Tony is waiting for you to address in some manner?"

Gibbs shrugged at a loss and Ducky blew out a slight breath.

"You are the investigator, Jethro.  I firmly believe you will find the answer.  But it must be soon or you may find that you will lose one or possibly two vital members of your team as well as, I dare say, a very rare opportunity for something quite remarkable."

Ducky stood.  He trusted Jethro to find the answer to the problem.  He looked at Jethro who seemed lost in thought but then he turned to look at Ducky.

"An opportunity for something remarkable?" Gibbs asked with a slight shake of his head.  "He's straight, Ducky," Gibbs said quietly.

"Then, my very dear friend, you will find a way to accept that which cannot be…without penalizing those who have no fault in the matter."  
And with that Ducky walked quietly away leaving Gibbs staring into the darkened bullpen around him.

\---------------------------------

The next morning Kate remained quiet but watched Tony, worry obvious in her dark eyes.  Ever since Gibbs' return to work over two weeks ago Tony had been watching him for some sign that he remembered what he'd done.  But if Gibbs did, he was choosing to ignore it.  That knowledge seemed to affect Tony in a way that she hadn't expected.  She thought he would want to forget the whole episode and let everything go back to the way it was.  But instead she watched as Tony seemed to withdraw just a little bit more every day, the occasional darkness in his eyes matching the weather outside, dark and grey.  But the change was so tiny, so very minute, that if she didn't know there was a problem she would never suspect a thing.  But she did know and she could see those small signs and it appeared that she was the only one who knew things were far from normal.

She bent her head and thought about the last two weeks and try as she might she really couldn't pinpoint any moment where it was obvious that something traumatic had happened to Tony.  He really did act as though there was nothing wrong in his world and she was amazed yet again.  My God, she thought.  Gibbs had said that Tony was one of the best undercover operatives he'd ever worked with and what was happening now really highlighted that fact. But at what cost?

Over the rest of the day she continued her covert surveillance.  Tony's face was abnormally…normal, she concluded.  His expression was exactly what anyone would expect to see on a man deeply engrossed in his work, slightly pursed lips and an intentness that denoted his concentration.  But when you looked harder you could just see the signs of something else going on there, something that gave Tony an air of fragility which was something she would never have associated with Tony DiNozzo.  And, as she watched, Tony's eyes strayed away from his screen and she knew he no longer saw the words there.   Whatever he did see made small lines of strain appear around eyes now darkened by whatever thoughts…or memories…crossed his mind.  And his once-pursed lips flattened into a straight line.  It was only during this slight break that she realized how poorly Tony really was coping and the realization brought tears to her eyes.  What was she going to do?

\--------------------------------

Tony tried to concentrate on his work but he could feel Kate's worried eyes on him.  It made his skin itch.  Let it go, Kate, please let it go…  He just needed some more time to come to terms with the fact that Gibbs didn't remember anything about what had happened and that he probably never would.  He took a deep breath against the tightening of his chest and the lump in his throat as a wave of misery washed over him.  He wished to God it had never happened.  He would have been so much happier never knowing how Gibbs kissed or how it felt to have him buried so deeply inside of his body.  He had to just let it go but it hurt so damn much, seeing him every day and knowing that he'd never have him like that again.  But was this worse than never seeing him at all?  Could he just walk away from the only person he would probably ever love?  He didn't know so he bowed his head and tried to bury himself in his work.

Gibbs walked back into the bullpen and saw his team bent over the files they were reviewing.  Again he felt irritated but he didn't know if it was because they had no cases coming their way or if it was again DiNozzo.  Just looking at the man made him twitch with a desire to get his hands on him and…what?  He kept walking to his desk but he watched as DiNozzo put a hand up to rub the back of his head as he read through some document.  DiNozzo had his hand over his head…he had both hands over his head…   A picture came to mind of DiNozzo standing by his desk with his hands over his head and leather cuffs on his wrists…a fantasy he'd had before but somehow a part suddenly seemed more real than fantasy.  Leather cuffs?  No, metal cuffs…and he wasn't standing, he was lying down and Gibbs was lying on top of him…

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose as flashes of other pictures crossed his mind.   It didn't make any sense.  He knew he never fucked DiNozzo over his desk or secured him with leather cuffs…he couldn't have but everything was getting so confused.  And why was he so certain that he had lain down on top of him…had made love to him?  The pictures were mixed up in his head and try as he might, he couldn't seem to sort them out.  They were just fantasies, right?  His phone rang and he answered out of habit.  He was needed in MTAC and he welcomed the distraction.  He mumbled something about his destination and practically ran out of the bullpen.  He neither noticed nor cared if anyone questioned his haste.  All he knew was that he had to get away from the object of his confusion.

Unfortunately, going to MTAC didn't exactly help matters.  As soon as he entered he zeroed in on one of the chairs.  He could almost see Tony spread out across the chair, his face relaxed and his hair mussed, looking beautifully debauched.  He turned away as Director Morrow again began to speak with the man on screen and he tried desperately to gather his scattered thoughts.  He seriously considered requesting a return to the hospital.  Physical injuries he could deal with but this mental confusion was unacceptable…and it frightened him.

 

 

end part 8  


* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	9. Chapter 9

 

Kate watched Gibbs practically fly out of the bullpen.  Now was the time to talk to Tony.  She got up and walked around his desk and bent down.

"Tony, you can't let this go on…you have to talk to someone," Kate whispered urgently.

"Already did, Kate, or did you forget your psych eval because I gotta tell ya, I remember mine very clearly," Tony bit out sarcastically.  "Just let it go, okay?" Tony asked as he looked up into Kate's anguished brown eyes but he knew she wasn't done.  He suddenly needed to get away.  He looked over at McGee and then abruptly stood up forcing Kate to take a step back.

"Going for coffee," he said and started walking towards the break room.

Kate wasn't about to be pushed away.

"I'm getting some, too.  Need anything, Tim?" she asked with a falsely bright smile.

Tim looked up with his typically confused look.  "No, ah, I'm fine…"

"Great…be back in a minute!" Kate said quickly and followed Tony out.

Tim watched them go and prayed that they could straighten out whatever mess was going on.  The tension on the team was killing him but no one was talking.  He could only hope that Ducky could make some headway.  He bent his head back over the documents he was reviewing.

Kate caught up with Tony as he was leaving the break room.  He rolled his eyes when he saw her but didn't fight when she grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him down the hallway.  She looked up at him and noticed that his eyes were hard in a stoic face.  This wasn't going to be easy so she had to come right to the point.

"You can't ignore this, Tony, and it doesn't just go away…you were r-raped and you need help dealing with that…" Kate almost kicked herself for stumbling over that word, the last thing Tony needed was anything he might perceive as pity or horror.  But this was Tony and it hurt so very badly to see harm come to her friend…especially at the hands of another friend.

Tony closed his eyes and turned away.  God, Kate wanted to help but there was no way she could.  Not with this and it was tearing her up inside.  Steeling himself he knew he had to tell her at least part of the truth.  Nothing else would do.  He turned back to her.

"It wasn't rape…" Tony said through gritted teeth.

"What?"  Kate looked up at him with wide eyes.  "How can you say that?  You can't tell me you wanted what he did to you?" she asked incredulously.

Tony's stomach churned.  Abby was the only one who knew about him.  The only other person he would ever want to tell was Gibbs…but only in his fantasies where Gibbs returned that desire.  But he couldn't see any way around this so he said it again.

"Kate, I'm telling you it wasn't rape," he repeated.

Kate stopped and stared at Tony.  "You're in denial," she said hoping that that was what he was saying but she could see his jaw clamped tight and a slight tick near his eye and she knew then that he was telling the truth.  She couldn't help the horrified expression that crossed her features.  What he had just said completely shocked her and what she said next was more out of habit than anything else, a habit she'd developed ever since Gibbs took them.  Unfortunately, she didn't stop to think what her words would do to Tony.

"No, I don't believe you.  You can't have wanted …that.  It's a sin, Tony," she said fiercely with a finger pointing at his chest.  `That' in her statement was the violent act, the forced intimacy and she couldn't see Tony wanting it.  At least, that was what she'd been telling herself ever since seeing them together.  Oh, God forgive me, she said to herself.  Ever since she'd seen them together, two beautiful men, their perfect bodies pushing against each other, muscles bunched and straining in a need so primal that it took her breath away, she'd been torn.  Her head kept telling her that it was a sin and that what was happening right before her eyes was wrong, but her heart sang at the beauty of it.  But then Tony had cried each time and she damned herself for finding such immoral pleasure at the sight of rape.  It was rape…had to have been…she'd seen Tony's tears.  
Tony closed his eyes in anguish.  Sin…of course that would be what she'd focus on.

"I saw your face…and your tears.  He hurt you and now you're just trying to protect him," she continued angrily.  What was it about Gibbs that had Tony so willing to sacrifice himself?

Tony forced a breath through the tightness in his chest.  God, she had it so wrong.  But yes, he'd cried each time.  The first was at the confession of such pain and loneliness in Gibbs' life that he couldn't contain his sorrow.  The second was because he knew he'd never again have that intimacy he needed so badly from Gibbs.  But he had to tell her at least a part of the truth, the part that was his to tell, but when he did he knew it would put a wall between them that might never be breached.  How could they work effectively as a team then?  She'd said it herself…it was a sin.  But if he didn't that same wall would be between her and Gibbs.  Or maybe she would say something at some point and then Gibbs' career would be ruined, not to mention his own for hiding what had really happened.  It would get back to Gibbs and then he'd lose his trust, he'd lose everything, forever.  `Damned if you do and damned if you don't' never seemed truer than at this moment.  And no matter what he did, the team would fall apart…and it would be his fault, just like always.  He made his decision.

"Kate, I know you saw me cry, but it wasn't what you think.  Despite what it might have looked like to you, Gibbs made love to me and it hurt, but not physically.  It hurt because it was something I've wanted for a long time but not like that, when he wasn't himself, and not when I knew how he'd feel when he remembered," Tony said in a pained whisper.  "Kate, I cried because it wasn't real…and I wanted it to be…" he finished in a choked voice.

Kate stared at Tony.  He was saying that he was gay and that he was in love with Gibbs.

"God, Tony, you're gay?"

"Bi, actually, but just let it go, okay?  I understand if you don't want anything else to do with me but don't blame Gibbs.  How I feel is not his fault and whatever happened while he was drugged doesn't count," Tony said making a decision.  "I can fix this so that it'll be better for everyone.  Just give me some time…"

Kate's shook her head, this was too much.   "Wait, what?"

His confession about his sexuality had shocked her.  She stared at him, examined his face.  It fit him, she realized.  She'd always thought that he was the womanizing frat boy he'd always portrayed himself to be but it was more than that.  He was a man who sought his own pleasure with a gusto she envied and without the moral restraints she sometimes found herself questioning.  That he might find that pleasure in the company of both women and men was almost…logical.  Again she found herself straining against her religious upbringing as she sought to understand this facet of the human psyche.  She was a profiler, damnit, she needed to understand.  But it would take more time than she had right now.  Right now she needed to know what he was planning.

"What are you going to do, Tony?"

"Something I should have done before now," Tony said with a smile.  Now that he'd decided it seemed a weight had lifted from his shoulders.  It had been nearly three years, a record for him, but it was a possibility he'd kept at the back of his mind for quite awhile and now it was time to act.  And right on cue his phone rang.  Gibbs was looking for him.

"On my way, Boss," he said into the phone and then closed it.  "Kate, thanks for worrying about me but I've got it under control," he said while squeezing her upper arm.  He was sure she wouldn't want anything more to do with him since he'd admitted to being a `sinner'.

"Come on, Gibbs is waiting," he said and turned away leaving Kate standing there for a brief moment more before she joined him.

Gibbs call was for another case and they geared up immediately.  Later Tony quietly snapped photos of a young lieutenant who had apparently overdosed on her roommate's medication.  And although this one appeared to be a suicide there was no note or other evidence within the apartment to suggest that the Lt. Jane Dorensen had intentionally taken her own life.

The roommate, Christy Handle, was distraught and Kate was speaking quietly with her in the corner of the kitchen while Gibbs and the rest processed the scene in the bedroom.  While not military, Christy had been good friends with the deceased.  She couldn't believe that Jane had been suicidal.  She was adamant that someone must have forced the pills down her friend's throat and that's why NCIS had been called.

"These were your pills, Christy.  Who else knows that you're on these meds?" Kate asked.  The meds in question were an anti-depressant that had been prescribed to Christy by her civilian psychiatrist.

"My friends knew, and my family…but none of them would have done this!" she cried as fresh tears leaked down her cheeks.

"I'm sure they wouldn't have but we need to find out if anyone else might have.  I need you to tell me who Jane was dating, who her friends were…and who might have wanted to hurt her," Kate said quietly and firmly.  Her tone went a long way in getting Christy to calm down enough to talk.

In the bedroom McGee and Tony were going through everything Lt. Dorensen had.  They weren't coming up with much.  She had a computer system so McGee sat down to look through her hard drive.

"She kept a lot of files, Boss," McGee told Gibbs.  "It'd probably be easier if I took this back to the office."

"Do it," Gibbs ordered.  He was on the verge of having Tony go with him to interview Lt. Dorensen's co-workers but the thought of being alone in the car with him took him aback and he had a vision of Tony next to him, his hands secured behind his back and a gag in his mouth.  He felt his stomach clench and a bit of bile gathered at the back of his throat.  Without a word he left the room and stepped outside.  It was cool and it eased the tension he felt.

That had to have been a memory he realized.  And although he'd fantasized about tying Tony up plenty of times and those thoughts were exciting to him, the circumstances surrounding this memory weren't.  It could have all gone so badly.  The headaches while he was driving, waving a gun around at the blockade and who knows what he'd done to Tony and Kate during that time.  It was still a blank.  But whatever it was, it involved Tony but not Kate.  He was sure of it but Kate knew about it and hated him for it.  He ran a hand over his face and was surprised to feel a fine sheen of sweat coating his skin.  He had to get a hold of himself.  So, after several deep breaths, he returned to the apartment and ordered Kate to go with Tony to interview the co-workers while he and McGee wrapped up the scene.

 

 

end part 9

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	10. Chapter 10

Kate slid into the car with relief.  The warm sun from a couple of weeks ago was long gone.  In its place was the more seasonal weather, namely overcast skies and rain.  She shivered again and then sat back to review her notes.

 

“It seems that every one of her co-workers thought she’d been acting oddly for several weeks,” she said to Tony.  “Almost every one of them described an intensity that was out of character for her.  These moments were often followed by bouts of depression.”

 

“Crying jags in the ladies room,” Tony added in and Kate nodded.  “Classic signs of depression but no one indicated that she’d reached the critical point.  No obvious signs of having made a major decision, no efforts to say goodbye or to give away her possessions.  I don’t know…maybe she contacted her family for some of that.”

 

“We can call when we get back to the office,” Tony concluded and Kate nodded still lost in thought.  

 

 

Seeing that Kate was pre-occupied and way too silent for Tony’s peace of mind, he reached over to turn on the radio.  He needed noise, distraction, anything that would keep the thoughts on Gibbs that continually plagued him at bay.  An old Van Halen song came on, David Lee Roth singing lead.  It was perfect.  He sang loudly tapping his hands on the steering wheel and laughed out loud at Kate’s rolling eyes.  The fun didn’t last nearly long enough so Tony started flipping through channels until he found something else to occupy his mind.  Ozzy came on and he was happy with that and sang along.

 

Kate sat back and ignored Tony, her mind still running along the paths of their latest case.  Something was tickling her brain but she couldn’t put her finger on it.  She was about to yell at Tony to tone down the music but suddenly it hit her.  There were some incredible parallels between Lt. Dorensen’s behavior and Tony’s.  She eyed the overgrown brat next to her and to anyone else it would appear that he was just enjoying himself in the juvenile way that was so typical of him…until you saw the slightly desperate edge to his movements and in his eyes.  She knew that if she hadn’t been specifically looking for it she would have missed it completely.  But here it was, another moment of almost manic intensity and she knew it would be followed by the disturbingly quiet Tony once they got back to the office, once they were back near Gibbs.  And…oh, God…ever since her talk with him in the hallway Tony seemed to have come to some kind of conclusion, he’d even said that he knew what he had to do.  Fear suddenly gripped her and they were pulling into the garage just as her cell phone rang.  It was Gibbs and she felt such a rush of fury she knew there was no way she could talk to him right now.  She needed to talk to Tony so she shut off her phone and tried to figure out how she was going to find out if Tony was considering suicide.

 

\----------------------------------

 

Gibbs returned to his desk and pulled out his cell.  He wanted an update on the interviews.  He was about to push speed dial 1, DiNozzo, but then hesitated and dialed three instead for Todd.  The phone rang but was then cut off.  Irritated, he dialed again but this time it went straight to voice mail.  He felt the fury boil up in him and was about to dial DiNozzo when something stopped him.  

 

 

Gibbs stared blindly at the cell phone in his hand but he didn’t see it.  Instead he saw Tony, bound and gagged, sitting next to him in a car.  Slowly, other moments flashed before his eyes but he couldn’t place them as either fantasy or memories.  Everything was so confused.  He sat back for a moment and closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose.  The headaches were gone for the most part and only really came on him when he tried to figure out his memories, like now.  So how could he figure out whether or not he’d actually had sex with DiNozzo?  There had to be something that would separate the two.  He played out the leather cuff fantasy in his head.  Now he knew this was fantasy because in this fantasy Tony was standing by his desk and there was no way in hell they’d play here at the office.  Still, he let the fantasy play through his head.  When it reached the stage where he slid inside of Tony he realized with deep shock that yes, he really did know what it felt like to slide into Tony.  And the more he thought about it, that memory was accompanied by Tony’s scent…his taste.

 

“Oh, God!” he whispered to himself.  He closed his eyes and went through another one of his fantasies but this time he was sure that most of what he was thinking truly was just a fantasy.  He opened his eyes because he _knew_ he’d never fucked DiNozzo over the Director’s desk.  After a moment he also knew he’d never sucked Tony down in MTAC.  Those thoughts were all cerebral with no sense memory attached making them pure fantasy.  So why could he remember sliding into Tony?  Why did he know how hot and sweet Tony’s channel was around him?  Why did he know how soft Tony’s skin truly was or his scent at his deepest and most intimate spots?  He closed his eyes and he _knew_ he’d branded Tony’s scent into his memory, he knew what Tony’s skin tasted like, and what’s more, he knew the taste of Tony’s mouth.  And the more he thought about it he realized that he also knew what Tony’s tears tasted like, he actually remembered kissing them away.  Why had Tony cried?  

 

 

_“Gibbs, please don’t…not in front of Kate…!”_

 

Tony had said that…he had _begged_ for him to stop…

 

_“Gibbs, NO!  Please… don’t…”_

 

And suddenly Gibbs understood what it was he’d done.  

 

 

 _Oh, sweet Jesus…he didn’t…he couldn’t have…_   But the more he thought about it the more he was sure that what he was remembering was what had happened during those days he lost.  Tony’s behavior since then, Kate’s too.  He brought a shaking hand to his head because he knew what it was that he’d forgotten.  Why hadn’t Tony reported it?  Why hadn’t Kate?   They’d just let him continue to try and regain his memories on his own.  Damnit, how in the hell could his health or his ability to remember be more important than the fact that he’d raped Tony?  And Kate had been forced to watch.  

 

 

Gibbs dropped his head into his hands.  It all made sense now.  And he knew what he had to do about it.  

 

 

\------------------------------------

 

McGee continued reading through Lt. Dorensen’s journal.  He thought Gibbs had said something but he wasn’t sure just what.  He ignored it until, peripherally, he was aware of Gibbs getting up and walking away but he hadn’t said anything so McGee continued his work.  He had started reading her journal from the end and then moving backwards.  He was getting an overall impression of where she was mentally at this point but he knew he would have to take it down to Ducky for confirmation.  Her problems seemed to begin when her mother passed away unexpectedly from an undiagnosed cancer.  From that point on she began to suffer from some bouts of depression but what he read implied that while she was unhappy with her life, she certainly wasn’t at the point where she wanted to kill herself.  So what had pushed her over the edge?  

 

 

He began to note a trend in her writing that implied various changes in her thought patterns. She began to note feelings of anxiety to the point where she listed in detail the times she’d suffered from panic attacks.  She’d written that she felt she should go and talk to someone but that she was worried about her security clearance so had remained undecided about seeking professional help.  He also noted an increased tendency towards drinking.  But sometimes she wrote as though everything was going well.  Her personal plans and relationships were good and her writing was generally very up and happy.  Then that trend would reverse and her writing became very gloomy, almost despondent.  She detailed trouble sleeping and wrote about having a lot of angry and hostile thoughts.  Although the depression seemed a general part of her writing, the emotional mood swings seemed to begin approximately two months prior to her taking her life.  He turned back several pages in the journal.  He groaned when he realized what she’d done and then shook his head.  He needed to talk to Gibbs.  He looked up and remembered that Gibbs had walked out but then slapped himself for not noting when that was.  Instead he decided to take the journal to Ducky for his opinion and by then he hoped Tony and Kate would be back.  With their information and with what he suspected from the journal they’d need to go back to talk to the roommate.  

 

 

McGee was excited as he moved quickly to the elevator.  If Ducky could confirm his suspicions then he was sure he knew what had happened to Lt. Jane Dorensen.

 

\-----------------------------

 

“Who was that, Kate?” Tony asked when he saw her turn off her cell phone.

 

“Nothing, Tony,” Kate answered but Tony could tell she was lying.

 

“Kate…” he said warningly.

 

“Okay, it was Gibbs but if it was important he would have called you right after he realized he wasn’t going to get a hold of me.  Since he hasn’t I’m not worried about it.”

 

“Fine,” Tony said knowing that what she said was true.

 

“Look, Tony…we need to talk…”

 

Tony rolled his eyes.  He thought they’d talked enough as it was.  

 

 

“No, Kate…we _don’t_ need to talk,” he said and then opened the car door and immediately got out.

 

Kate’s eyes narrowed in annoyance but she got out, too, and found that she had to hurry because Tony wasn’t waiting for her.  She rushed up just as he got into the elevator.  She looked up at him but he was pulling a fairly creditable imitation of Gibbs by glaring straight ahead.  Well, she could do Gibbs, too, so she slapped the emergency stop on the elevator.  Tony turned and glared at her and moved to turn it back on but she stopped him.

 

“Tony, please just listen, okay?  I’m worried about you…”

 

Tony sighed and hit the elevator switch before Kate could stop him. 

 

 

 

“We’ve already had this conversation but let me remind you, I’ve got everything under control.  Things will settle down very quickly, very soon,” he said and then turned and looked at her with a bright smile.  “ _Trust_ me.”  

 

 

And with that he stepped out of the now open elevator doors and walked away with Kate hot on his heels.

 

\-------------------------------

 

Gibbs stood ramrod straight in front of the Director’s desk and waited for him to speak.  He was numb; the horror of his realization had left him in a state of shock.  He still couldn’t believe he’d actually hurt someone, anyone, like that -- let alone Tony.  He took another deep breath and forced himself to ease his tense muscles.  He knew that if he didn’t relax the muscles in his legs he’d probably keel over, no doubt right across the Director’s desk.  The same desk he’d fantasized about taking Tony on.  But his fantasies always had Tony begging for more, not begging for him to stop.  The pain of that memory still made him want to curl over in self-hatred but his Marine training wouldn’t allow him to break form.  Instead he automatically moved the necessary muscles in order to maintain blood flow so he wouldn’t pass out.  He had to.  Clinging to his Marine bearing was all he had left because he certainly had no honor, no pride.  He’d wiped away everything even remotely noble with his actions.  And now he needed to pay so he marched into Director Morrow’s office and confessed to the act he now knew he’d committed.  And here he remained, staring straight ahead, still at attention, while he waited for Director Morrow to decide his fate.

 

Tom Morrow stared at his best Agent and very good friend unable to believe what it was that Jethro had just told him.  Gibbs had walked right in and had come to attention and had admitted to a crime against one of his own team members.  A crime that he still didn’t believe Gibbs was capable of although he was very capable of acts of violence.  Yet Tom knew those acts had always been in keeping with Gibbs’ personal code of honor.  Yes, he knew that Gibbs had in the past killed other people.  But it had been in the line of duty or to protect others around him, and yes, he was very capable of killing in vengeance although that had never been proven.  But what he was sure he _wasn’t_ capable of was a direct act of violence as a result of lust or a desire for causing pain to or taking control over another.  And that belief had nothing to do with the fact that the admitted crime was against another man.  No, he refused to believe that Gibbs was capable of deliberately hurting another person in that manner at all.  

 

 

But he still had a request for immediate transfer or, in the event of a lack of available positions, a notice of resignation from Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, the man whom Jethro Gibbs had just admitted to raping.  He told Jethro about the request and then stood up and looked Jethro straight in the eye.

 

“Tell me why you believe this happened.”

 

So Gibbs did, despite how difficult it was to admit to such personal details.  He held nothing back.  The Director needed to know everything so that he could mete out the appropriate action against him and do whatever he needed to in order to help Tony deal with what he’d done.  When he was done the Director called his secretary and asked that Dr. Mallard join them immediately.

 

“Why Ducky?” Gibbs asked.

 

“I want his medical opinion on how that drug might have influenced these events.”

 

Gibbs nodded.  “Are you going to hold me?”

 

Tom looked at his best agent.  Right now all he knew was that Jethro believed he had perpetrated a crime.  However, Agent DiNozzo did not bring forth any charges nor did he allude to anything along those lines in his report.  He needed to get to the bottom of this but he was not about to act on Gibbs’ faulty memory.

 

“Not right now, Jethro…”

 

“Tom…” Gibbs interrupted using the Director’s name for the first time but Tom raised his hand.

 

“There are some medical aspects to this situation that I want Dr. Mallard to look into.  I expect you to cooperate completely with him.”

 

“You don’t believe that I did this.” Gibbs stated.  He wasn’t sure if he was annoyed or grateful.

 

“Jethro, you’ve admitted that you weren’t sure what happened during that timeframe, that you are still unclear as to what’s real and what’s fantasy…”

 

“Tom,” Gibbs said in a slightly strangled voice.  “Tony’s straight.  He wouldn’t have wanted…that…”  He gritted out.  “Definitely not with _me_.”

 

Tom sighed.  He really didn’t know what either of these men wanted.  Hell, he was seriously taken aback by Gibbs’ admission that he even fantasized about DiNozzo.  All he knew for sure was that he needed answers before taking any action that would tear apart his best team or destroy the careers, the very lives, of two of his best agents.

 

“I have complete faith in Dr. Mallard’s ability to determine what’s happened here.  For now, Jethro, you will continue to do your duty until further notice.  Understood?”

 

Gibbs blew out a breath of frustration and Tom snorted while he had Cynthia call for Dr. Mallard.  _Christ! He’s acting like he’s annoyed that I’m not going to arrest him!_  And although he was slightly amused the feeling was fleeting.  This situation was far too serious.

 

Gibbs said nothing, nodding only to indicate that he understood.  After a few moments Ducky arrived and the three men went over everything again.  A short while later Gibbs left to get back to his case leaving Ducky with the Director.

 

“Oh, dear,” Ducky said once Gibbs left.

 

“Were you aware, Doctor, that something of this nature might have occurred?” Tom asked.

 

“I was aware of issues brewing within the team.  I had, in fact, taken Jethro aside just last night over his treatment of Tony.”

 

“What treatment was that?”

 

“Jethro has been very agitated lately and he has been rather hard on Tony.  He admitted that Tony’s presence alone was eliciting some very intense emotions within him,” Ducky said while still thinking.  Jethro had said that just seeing Tony made him want to grab him, possibly hit him, and then he’d asked if Jethro wanted to kiss him.  Jethro’s hissed affirmative made the depth of his feelings towards Tony abundantly clear.  And yet, Ducky was positive that Jethro would never have _raped_ Tony.  

 

 

“Emotions intense enough to have precipitated a rape, Doctor?” Tom asked.

 

“That is very hard to say, Director, without talking to Tony,” Ducky said carefully.

 

“Doctor, I’m asking you point blank.  Do you believe Jethro Gibbs might have raped Anthony DiNozzo?”

 

Ducky sighed very deeply.  “Sir, I am aware of some facts that lead me to believe it is entirely possible that Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo had relations during the timeframe when Agent Gibbs was most unfortunately under the influence of the medication.  However, since Agent Gibbs’ recollection of that time is still very incomplete, I cannot answer the question of forced intimacies without speaking with Agent DiNozzo and, quite possibly, Agent Todd.” 

 

“Very well, Doctor.  I’m going to leave this situation in your hands.  I won’t take any action on Agent DiNozzo’s request for transfer until this situation is rectified.  If this comes to a point where I am required to take official action against Agent Gibbs, I expect to be notified as soon as possible.”

 

“Of course, Director,” Ducky answered and got up to leave.  He would need to talk to Tony first and then Kate.  They had to be made to understand that their only option at this point was complete honesty and he hoped to God that his suspicions regarding the feelings of both men were true.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	11. Chapter 11

 

Kate was pissed when Tony walked away but she wasn’t done, yet.  She was contemplating how she was going to get him alone to talk when she saw that the bullpen was empty.  She didn’t know for how long so she started again.

 

“Tony, I do trust you but I’m not sure you’re thinking is all that straight right now.”

 

“Not thinking straight?  You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tony said seriously.  “I’ve never been thinking more clearly than I am right now,” he stated while trying to decide if he should tell her what it was he’d done but he was saved by McGee returning to the pen and jumping in to tell them of his theory.  Tony threw a smirk towards Kate and she rolled her eyes while they listened to McGee and also shared what they’d learned through their interviews.

 

“Ducky and Abby just finished running their tests.  Lt. Dorensen did die from an overdose of an anti-depressant drug but the drug Lt. Dorensen took can also cause suicidal thinking if not monitored properly.”

 

“She was never prescribed with any anti-depressants,” Tony stated remembering his review of her medical file.

 

“Right.  So we need to find out if her roommate noticed fewer pills in her bottle over a period of time…”

 

“I’ll call her,” Kate said knowing she had the best rapport with Christy Handel.

 

“Where’s Gibbs?” Tony asked while Kate called Christy.

 

“He left some time ago, didn’t say where…”

 

Tony nodded.  That wasn’t like Gibbs, especially when they were on a case so that meant only one thing.  The Director had received his notice and was probably talking to Gibbs about it right now.  He took a deep breath to quell the butterflies that suddenly blossomed in his belly.  Looks like it would soon be show time.

 

“You were right, Tim,” Kate said as she stood up from her desk.  “Christy had noticed that her count seemed to be off for awhile but she couldn’t confirm it.  She got her prescription refilled which she called a real hassle because her doctor monitors her intake.  Since she was doing alright she was able to get a refill early so she knew exactly how many pills she had.  When she discovered there were more missing she went to talk to Dorensen and that’s when she found her.”

 

“Ducky said that particular anti-depressant has to be monitored closely, the dosage is increased slowly to watch for signs of worsening depression.  So here is what I think happened.  Lt. Dorensen began suffering from bouts of depression about a year ago.  It was shortly after losing her mother to cancer.  Because of her clearance she didn’t want to find professional help…”

 

“But getting help wouldn’t have affected her clearance…” Kate said and looked pointedly at Tony.

 

Tony pointedly ignored her and looked back at McGee.  “Go on, McQuincy.”

 

Tim snorted but continued.

 

“Well her thinking wasn’t all that clear at this point.  She was drinking more and with a roommate on anti-depressants, she figured that if they helped Christy Handel they’d help her, too.”

 

“So she just started taking Christy’s pills…” Tony said with a nod which Tim copied.

 

“And because Christy was taking a larger dose the pills worsened her depression which was exacerbated by her drinking.  So yeah, she overdosed but at this point did she overdose as an actual desire to kill herself or was she trying to get out of her depression by taking extra pills?”

 

“So what does Ducky have to say?”

 

“He was called by the Director before we could come to a final conclusion.  Her journal doesn’t support that she was really at the point of purposefully taking her own life.”

 

“Her last journal entry was…?”

 

“The morning of her death and it only stated that she needed to find a real solution.”

 

“That doesn’t answer anything,” Tony said with a frown.

 

“We really need the rest of both Abby’s and Ducky’s findings but I’m sure it wasn’t murder,” Tim concluded.  It was something they already knew, really, but they needed to prove it.  The suspicion of murder came only from the roommate and they’d found no evidence to support that anyone wanted to hurt Lt. Dorensen.  It was now a question of the final ruling, either suicide or accidental overdose.

 

“Good job, Tim,” Tony said surprising both Kate and Tim with the use of his first name.  He slapped Tim on the shoulder and moved to his desk.  McGee might not be ready to be Gibbs’ second but he was becoming a good agent and that thought went a small way towards making Tony feel better about leaving.

 

“Well I’m off to see Abby,” Tim said with a smile feeling rightfully proud of himself and turned to leave.

 

Tony belatedly realized that McGee leaving would leave him alone with Kate again but it was too late to stop him.

 

“I’m…ah…I’m going to go see Abby, too…” Tony said jumping up and taking a step but Kate stopped him with a firm hand on his arm.  She knew he’d try to avoid the rest of their conversation but the topic was too fresh for her to let it go so easily.

 

“Tony,” she said quietly and almost smiled when Tony slumped dramatically and then looked down at her.

 

“Fine…lay it all out.  What do you want to talk about?”

 

Kate debated on how to start with this delicate subject.  Tony was a hard guy to read most of the time and if you gave him too much room to maneuver he could come up with any number of stories to cover what he was really feeling, so she decided on a direct approach that would hopefully take him by surprise and earn her an honest answer.   She looked up at him and then spoke in a quiet but very intense voice.

 

“Decisions, Tony.  Jane Dorensen may or may not have deliberately made one but you have.  I’m hoping you didn’t come to the same conclusion she might have.”

 

Tony stared at her for a moment and then his eyes widened.  Kate thought that he’d decided to kill himself?  Over what had happened?  Damnit, he told her it wasn’t rape!

 

“So,” he answered just as quietly, “just because you think I’m sinning by being bi you think I’d compound my sins by committing suicide?”

 

“But after everything that’s happened, your behavior…up one minute and down the next.  God, Tony, I can’t even imagine the stress you’re under because of what happened!  And now you’re acting as though you’ve made a huge decision…”  Kate’s voice dropped even lower than before and was filled with such intense emotion that it made Tony’s throat tighten.

 

“Tony, I’m frightened for you!  You’re my partner…my friend…”

 

Tony stared at her in shock and tried to swallow against the lump in his throat.  He really couldn’t believe that she thought he’d kill himself…or that she cared about him that much. 

 

 

“Listen very carefully, Kate,” he said quietly and very sincerely.  “I have no intention of offing myself, now or in the future.”

 

“Then what is it you’re planning?  And don’t even try to tell me you aren’t planning something!”

 

Tony looked down at Kate’s now tearful eyes and he felt himself soften.  He was going to miss her.  Tony put his hands on her shoulders.

 

“You’re right.  I’m not handling being around Gibbs very well and I don’t think it’s going to get any better.  So, I’m going to resign, Kate.”   _Handling Gibbs, God, how can you handle loving someone who’s disgusted by a memory of touching you?_

 

“Resign?  Oh, Tony…” Kate moaned.  Although it was better than her fear that he was going to kill himself, she couldn’t say that is was good either.  She looked down and the tears that had filled her eyes slid down her cheeks.

 

Tony moved one hand to wipe away the moisture.

 

“I’m sorry I scared you, Kate, but I think you understand that this is for the best, right?”

 

Kate took a deep breath and looked away for a bit.  She knew that she wasn’t going to be able to work with Gibbs either, especially if Tony left.

 

“So, any ideas on where you’re planning to apply and do you think they’d have two openings?”

 

Tony’s eyes narrowed and he shook his head slightly with a half smile on his face.

 

“No, no, Kate…you’re aren’t thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?”

 

Kate blew out her breath with a small laugh.  “How can you possibly think that I’d let you go _anywhere_ without a chaperone?  I’d be doing every woman and okay, every guy, a disservice if I let you roam free.  Besides, maybe we could find a couple of cute guys and double date.”

 

At that comment Tony choked out a laugh and brought his arms around Kate to pull her into a hug.

 

“I’ll see what I can do, okay?”  And he laughed again at her mumbled okay.

 

He pulled back when his cell phone rang.

 

“I’ve got to go see Ducky.  We’ll talk about this some more, okay?”

 

Kate took a deep breath to still the clenching in her stomach over her sudden decision but she nodded and stepped back, watching Tony as he made his way to the elevator.

 

\-------------------------------

 

Leaving Tom’s office Gibbs slowly made his way down the hallway deep in thought.  He had to wait on Ducky now and that irritated him.  He knew what he’d done and he needed to pay for his transgressions.  Tony deserved justice.  But he knew how to follow orders and Tom had given his so he had to get his head back into the case while Ducky did his investigation.  His only regret was that Tony would have to admit what it was that he’d done to him.  And Kate would have to tell her part of the story.  He deeply regretted the humiliation they would both no doubt experience because of him.  There were no words to express how ashamed he was of himself.  

 

 

 

So besides finishing this case, he had to close out a few other reports and take care of some odds and ends before he turned his desk over to his successor but he figured he had the time.  It would be awhile before they could process him for whatever the verdict was which to his mind was one of two things, at best he’d be out of a job or worst case, some possible jail time.  Either way he accepted his fate.  It was only just.  And his team would be fine.  He hadn’t really been surprised to find out that Tony had requested a transfer or, failing that, indicated his intention to resign.  But with him gone there was no need for Tony to leave.  He gave Tom his recommendation that the team remain together with a new lead.  He’d told Tom that although Tony was well on his way to deserving his own team he wasn’t quite there yet, but that he’d make any senior agent a fine Second.  Tom nodded without saying anything and then dismissed him.  Jethro looked over to a very grave Ducky, nodded once and left.

 

He was almost to the bullpen and had automatically slowed down to listen before approaching all the way.  What he heard made his heart nearly stop.  Kate and Tony were talking and he realized that they were having a very personal conversation, one that just tore him up inside.  It sounded like he’d intruded on a private moment between lovers and even though he had no right, the thought made him angry.  And then what he heard was the confirmation that completely tore open a huge hole in his body…in his heart… _Kate and Tony_ …

 

_“Resign?  Oh, Tony…”_

 

_“I’m sorry I scared you, Kate, but I think you understand that this is for the best, right?”_

 

_“So, any idea of where you’re planning to apply and do you think they’d have two openings?”_

 

So not only was Tony planning on leaving, Kate was going with him and they’d find a job somewhere else…together…  And you’d think he’d be grateful that his actions hadn’t destroyed their relationship but he wasn’t.  The thought of them together was too much.  He stumbled blindly away and eventually found himself alone in the conference room.  

 

 

It would be alright, he told himself once he’d fallen into a chair.  He’d be gone and they’d be together as long as their relationship didn’t break any of their new team lead’s rules.  Would their new team lead even have any rules?  It didn’t matter.  Having rules hadn’t stopped _him_ from fucking everything up.  He dropped his head into his hands and tried not to think about losing the opportunity for something that Ducky had called ‘quite remarkable’.  He resolutely told himself that at least Tony had Kate to help him deal with what he’d done to him and for that he had to be grateful.  Ducky would be there, too, and now all that remained was for him to learn what path his future would take assuming, of course, that he could live with the knowledge of what he’d done to Tony, the only other person besides Shannon and Kelly that he finally realized he truly loved.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	12. Chapter 12

“Ah, Tony, thank you for coming down so quickly,” Ducky said as soon as Tony walked in.

 

“You’ve got more information on our lieutenant?” Tony asked.

 

Ducky looked blank for a moment and then smiled. 

 

“Oh, no dear boy, I’m still waiting on Abby’s tests.”

 

“Okay, so what’s up?” Tony said easily as he looked around autopsy.  Jimmy wasn’t around and there didn’t appear to be any other work going on so he turned and looked at Ducky expectantly.

 

“Come along, Tony, let’s have a cup of tea,” Ducky said and then led Tony to his office.  Tony raised his eyebrows when Ducky closed the door after him.  He couldn’t recall Ducky ever closing the door.

 

“You’ve got me worried, Ducky,” Tony said lightly although his eyes were very serious.

 

“Yes, well I’m afraid I’ve been given a very serious task and you, unfortunately, must take part.”

 

Tony leaned back and crossed his legs.  Rightfully interpreting the importance of whatever it was that Ducky was doing, he didn’t crack any jokes.

 

After pouring two cups of tea Ducky took his seat at his desk.

 

“Tony, it has come to my attention that there may have been an incident of some import that occurred during the time that Jethro took both you and Caitlin.”

 

Ducky took a small sip of his tea showing no surprise at all at the sudden loss of color in Tony’s face and it came as no surprise when Tony immediately denied anything untoward happening.

 

“Dear boy,” Ducky said very quietly.  “Please understand that I’ve been tasked by the Director to ascertain exactly what happened.  I have one side of the story.  I need yours.”

 

“One side of the story?  Have you already talked to Kate…?” Tony asked once he got himself under control but one look at Ducky told him it wasn’t Kate he’d spoken with.

 

“Are you saying Gibbs has remembered something?” Tony asked as he felt his stomach drop.  

 

 

“Yes he has and I’m afraid his version of events is very much a surprise.  I’d like to hear your version.”

 

Tony leaned forward on his chair, his forearms resting on the chair arms while he dropped his head to stare at the floor.  Ducky could see the dark color staining Tony’s neck and he felt a deep remorse for the shame the young man was no doubt feeling.  

 

 

“What did he say, Ducky?” Tony asked quietly without raising his head.

 

“Tony, Jethro believes he raped you.  Is that what happened?” Ducky asked very gently.

 

Tony’s response was to raise a hand to his face and Ducky got the impression that he was weeping.  However, when he raised his face his eyes, although red, were dry.  

 

 

“Let me guess, he turned himself in, didn’t he?” Tony asked quietly.

 

Ducky sighed deeply and again sipped his tea. 

 

 

“Yes, he did.  He admitted to…hurting…you to the Director.”

 

Tony shut his eyes and shook his head hard.  Damnit!  One of his fears had come true.  But he could rectify part of this.  It didn’t matter if they all knew how he felt since he was leaving.  There was just no way that he’d let Gibbs take the fall for something that wasn’t his fault.

 

“Ducky, I want to be very clear on this point.  It. Wasn’t. Rape.”

 

“Are you saying your relations were consensual?”

 

_Shit!_

 

“Well, not exactly,” Tony said and stood up suddenly to pace the room, one hand to his head as he smoothed down his hair, the other buried in his trouser pocket.  

 

 

“Ducky, the only reason it wasn’t consensual was because Kate was there.  That wasn’t exactly something I would have done with an audience…”

 

“So what happened, then, was not an act of violence.  Am I to assume that if not for Caitlin’s presence you would have welcomed Jethro’s advances?”

 

Tony snorted out a breath of amazement at how fucked up everything was.  Sure, he’d have loved to tell Ducky about him and Gibbs…if there really _was_ a ‘him and Gibbs’…

 

“Sure, Ducky, if he hadn’t been drugged to the _gills_ ,” Tony barked out with a half-laugh/half-snarl.  Then he quieted and his hand fell to his side although the other remained in his pocket. “I’ve cared about him for a very long time but he doesn’t feel that way about me.”

 

 _Ahh_ , Ducky said to himself with a sigh of relief at having surmised correctly.  He also noted that Tony said nothing of being bound so perhaps it wasn’t an issue for him.  He certainly hoped it was so.  Having known Jethro for a good many years he almost smiled at the thought of how well suited the two men were.  And yet they were both in such pain, and all due to their being oblivious to one another’s feelings…

 

“How can you be so sure?” Ducky asked noting how Tony held himself rigid as he stared blindly at the wall in front of him.

 

“You’ve seen what’s been going on, Ducky!  At first I just thought that he didn’t remember but I’ve come to realize that he does and that the memory disgusts him.  It’s obvious he either hates me or himself or both.  But I guess that doesn’t really matter since the end result is the same,” Tony said and although his voice was emotionless Ducky noted with deep dismay that his rigid stance had slipped away leaving his shoulders to slump in desolation. 

 

“But what I never wanted to happen was for him to ruin his career over this.”  Tony said as he turned back to his chair and slowly sank back into it.  He wasn’t aware of Ducky moving to his side until a gentle hand touched his shoulder.

 

“Is that why you didn’t report this?” Ducky asked softly, his heart aching for the heartbroken man before him.  _But not for long, my boy_ , he swore to himself.

 

“He wasn’t responsible for his actions and I wasn’t hurt.”  

 

 

“Not physically, no,” Ducky said with such understanding that Tony looked up and what he saw brought tears to his eyes.  

 

 

“Tell me what happened, Tony,” Ducky said soothingly and Tony complied, haltingly at first, but eventually he told his story.

 

“He’s so lonely, Ducky.  I never knew…” Tony cried softly and then found himself enveloped in a warm embrace.  He blindly returned it as he buried his face into Ducky’s chest as his sorrow overwhelmed him and he cried for Gibbs’ pain and his own.

 

Ducky had known of Jethro’s loneliness despite his attempts through three marriages.  It was becoming plain to him, though, that this incident may have been a blessing in disguise.   Ducky held Tony firmly, all the while patting his back softly and running a soothing hand through his hair until he quieted.

 

“I’m sorry…” Tony said after a bit as he pulled back slightly.

 

“No need for that, my dear boy,” Ducky said without immediately releasing Tony.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief and then returned that hand to Tony’s shoulder leaving the other to continue to pat and soothe the tense back.

 

Tony accepted the closeness and wondered if this was what it was like to be held by a real father.  Too soon, though, reality reasserted itself and Tony pulled away completely.  Ducky saw his shoulders straighten.  

 

 

“I need to tell the Director what really happened.  He has my transfer request…did you know about that, too?” Tony asked looking up.

 

“Don’t worry about the Director, Tony, I’ll take care of that and yes, I know about your request.  I do believe it is a bit precipitous, however.”

 

“Precipitous?  Ducky, what else can I do?  I can’t let the team be torn apart by this…”

 

Ducky nodded but said nothing.

 

Tony looked at him for a moment and then sighed.  “You want me to talk to Gibbs.”

 

“I can act as a mediator, if you wish.  It is imperative, Tony, that you make him understand that your negative response was due to the circumstances and not a lack of desire on your part.”

 

"But Ducky, I thought he needed to regain his memories on his own.  Won't my talking to him just make things worse?  He already hates the thought that he touched me at all..."

 

“Are you so very sure of that?” Ducky asked with an inscrutable look.

 

 “What are you saying, Ducky?”   

 

“Jethro has already regained a portion of that memory.  Filling in the blanks would not be amiss.  Plus, I believe that Jethro has found himself ‘hoist with his own petard’, so to speak…”

 

“Ducky?”  Ducky couldn’t possibly be saying what he thought he was…

 

“Rule #12, dear boy.  He instituted it and then learned to regret it when you came to work for him,” Ducky said with a final pat to Tony’s shoulder and then made his way back to his chair and his tea.

 

Tony’s wide eyes had narrowed as he thought about what Ducky said and then he recalled Gibbs’ words about his life.

 

“So all of this is because of Rule #12?”  All this pain, both Gibbs’ and his because of a _rule_ he’d made?

 

“No, Tony, not just that rule but anything more is not for me to say.  Let it suffice that Jethro does have his reasons and perhaps one day he will tell you.  However, at this point honesty is what’s needed here.  What happened during those two days must be discussed between Jethro and you and only then can we move on with whatever consequences there may be…”

 

“Ducky…”

 

“Ah, ah, Tony,” Ducky said with a raised hand.  “I have my marching orders from the Director.  There must be a resolution to this or the Director will take it upon himself to mete out the justice Jethro is seeking on your behalf.”

 

“ _It wasn’t rape, Ducky!_ ” Tony gritted out, his stomach tightening painfully at the thought of what would happen to Gibbs.

 

“Then talk to him, Tony.  I must rely on you for this…Jethro simply won’t believe anyone else.”

 

The words were stern, very nearly an order, and Tony nodded accepting them as such.  He couldn’t let Gibbs be punished for something that was out of his control.  And Ducky’s implication was something that Tony had to investigate for himself.

 

“Are you going to talk to Kate?”

 

“Yes, it’s obvious she is very angry on your behalf.  Her state of mind also rests on your discussion with Jethro.”

 

Ducky saw the resolve hardening in Tony and he felt a slight release of tension.  He was apprehensive over pushing the young man too far but he trusted in Tony’s sense of honor to see this through.  He also knew that he’d planted a seed of hope in Tony and he prayed that Jethro would not be so stubborn as to destroy that seed before it could come to fruition. 

 

“Thank you, Ducky,” Tony said and he stood, a sense of purpose obvious in his carriage.  He looked down at the handkerchief he still held.  “I’ll get it back to you.”

 

Ducky just smiled and waved once.  He watched as Tony walked quickly from his office and closed his eyes for a moment and again prayed for Tony’s success.  He reached for his cup of tea and grimaced when he found it to be cold.  He set about making a fresh cup so that he could return to the review young Timothy had been so very excited about.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Gibbs sat in the conference room for a while longer.  Once he was sure his emotions were back in check he made his way to the bullpen.  Tom had said that he was to continue with his work until further notice so that is exactly what he was going to do.

 

When he got there he saw that DiNozzo was gone but that both McGee and Kate were still there.  That meant that Tony was either with Tom or Ducky.  Both options tightened his jaw.

 

“Status,” he barked and found himself grateful for habits that allowed him to bury his turmoil.  He found he still needed a few moments to get his head back into the game and his people would give him that with their review.  He just needed to work around Kate’s now understandable anger.    _Soon, Kate, you’ll get your justice as well,_ he silently promised.  

 

 

“Boss, I’ve finished the review of Lt. Dorensen’s journal and…”

 

Gibbs let McGee’s words flow over him as he briefed his findings as well as his theory.  Kate jumped in with the results of the interviews both she and Tony conducted earlier.  He ignored her cold tone and concentrated on what she had to say.

 

“McGee, give a call to the base mental health clinic.  I want to know if she made any moves in that direction.”

 

“Boss, I’ve got a call in but I haven’t heard anything back, yet.”

 

Gibbs nodded and turned to Kate but she jumped in before he said a word.

 

“I’ll call Christy’s psychiatrist.  Lt. Dorensen may still have opted to go the civilian route despite the cost…”

 

Again Gibbs nodded.  He was going to miss working with his team.  They were already fine agents and he knew they’d just get better.  He felt a pang of regret that he’d never see it.

 

McGee looked at Gibbs and noted that the man seemed a bit off, like his thoughts were on something other than their case.  It suddenly struck him that he hadn’t demanded to know where Tony was.  

 

 

“Tony’s down with Ducky…” McGee suddenly blurted out but the darkening of Gibbs’ face had him quickly backtracking.  “But you may have already known that…” he continued uncertainly and then just shut up all together and buried his face into his computer screen.

 

Gibbs said nothing but his jaw clenched at the thought of Tony having to relate the details of his violation to someone he considered a friend.  Again his stomach twisted at the shame Tony must be feeling and guilt flooded through him _.  I’m still hurting him._   By reporting the crime Gibbs had forced Tony to admit what had happened to him.  But Gibbs couldn’t see any other way to deal with this.  He needed to be punished and both Tony and Kate needed help to get through this.

 

He tried not to but he found he couldn’t help glancing at Kate and felt no surprise at the look of loathing on her face.  No doubt she felt almost as violated at Tony was.  He felt a familiar streak of pain cross his temple and welcomed it.  He knew it was nothing compared to what he’d done to both Tony and Kate.  He took a deep breath that was almost shaky.  He needed to get out for a bit.

 

“Going for coffee,” was all he said as he started walking out and he suddenly had the feeling that he was running away, something he’d never done before in his entire life.  But the thought of staying in the office and facing Tony with his new-found knowledge literally terrified him.   And on top of that was the way he’d been abusing Tony.  There was no other word for it.  He hadn’t understood why he’d been so focused on Tony but now it made sense.  However, his inability to control his emotions had led him to treat Tony in a manner that was inexcusable.  Damnit, he wished Tom had just slapped the cuffs on him when he was in the office.  He kept walking.

 

“Boss, it’s raining,” McGee called out.

 

Gibbs stopped and looked out of the bank of windows.  He hadn’t noticed when the grey skies had turned dark.  He turned around and got his raincoat and muttered thanks to McGee.  He didn’t see the open-mouthed surprise McGee gave him as he left, too caught up in his stormy thoughts and a heart darker than the clouds in the sky.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Tony left Ducky’s office and detoured into the men’s room.  He washed his face and took a few moments to make sure he was settled but it was difficult.  He found himself very angry with Gibbs.  Ducky had implied that Gibbs did care for him but that he didn’t do anything about it because of that fucking rule.  He didn’t know what history had led to the making of Rule #12 and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever find out.  The only thing he was sure of was that Gibbs was going to know exactly how he felt about him.  So if that didn’t work for Gibbs then he’d be out the door like he’d planned.  He smiled briefly into the mirror at the thought of Kate’s decision to go with him.  He really didn’t think that would work out but it definitely warmed him inside to think that she’d rather take her chances on a new job than to stay here working for Gibbs because of what she thought he’d done to him.  

 

 

Deciding he was ready he picked up the handkerchief that he’d set on the counter, folded it carefully and slipped it into his pocket.  He’d get it cleaned so that he could return it before he said goodbye.  It was going to be so fucking hard to leave Ducky, Abby and Tim behind but he was sure he’d figure out a way to make them understand.  Ducky would, he was sure, but he’d have to come up with a good reason for the rest to believe it was totally his choice and that Gibbs had nothing to do with it.  There was no way he’d hurt McGee and Abby’s relationship with Gibbs for anything in the world.  So with that plan in mind he took a deep breath and headed upstairs.

 

Tony got to the bullpen and noted that Gibbs was still gone.

 

“He went for coffee,” McGee tossed out at Tony’s raised eyebrows.

 

“When did he leave?”

 

“Less than five minutes ago,” McGee answered but didn’t offer anything more as he resumed his work.  His phone rang and he answered.  

 

 

“What did Ducky have for you?” 

 

Tony turned and looked at Kate, saw her search his face for some clue that their discussion was about something other than the case.  He gave her a warm smile which she returned although it was with a bit of concern. 

 

“He’s still reviewing the case,” Tony said for both McGee and Kate.  He saw McGee nod although he was still on the phone.  Tony took the opportunity to speak to Kate.  

 

 

“Things are fine, Kate,” Tony said quietly but she still looked at him closely.  Whatever it was she saw seemed to ease her and she gave him a more relaxed smile.  

 

 

McGee hung up the phone with a look of sad relief.

 

“That was the base mental health clinic.  Lt. Dorensen had an appointment tomorrow afternoon.  She didn’t plan on killing herself…she was trying to get help.”  

 

 

Tony nodded and looked at Kate.  “That’ll help her family cope.”  

 

 

And although the resolution was better than finding out she committed suicide, the end result was still a young life ending far too tragically, much too soon.

 

Tony nodded again, glad that they had a resolution to the case.  He turned to his desk to grab his coat.

 

“Going to do something for Ducky.  I’ll be back in a few,” Tony said and nearly laughed at McGee’s stuttered “Wh-what about Gibbs?”

 

“He already knows,” Tony tossed out over his shoulder as he walked to the elevator.  He could feel Kate’s gaze burning with curiosity but he let it go for now.  She’d know soon enough.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	13. Chapter 13

It was only four in the afternoon but with the rain and now fog mucking up the atmosphere it seemed much later.  None of it really registered on Tony as he walked towards the coffee shop because he was busy trying to figure out what he was going to say.  The only thing he was sure about was that he didn’t want to have this conversation in the NCIS building.  He needed to be away from work for this.  

 

 

Tony looked up and saw the brightly lit coffee shop through the dreary gloom of the late afternoon.  It didn’t take much effort to spot Gibbs doctoring up a couple of the cups in front of him.  It always did seem to Tony that he could spot Gibbs anywhere in a crowd.  He just wished, for the millionth time, that he could spot him sneaking up on him. 

 

He walked through the door and watched while Gibbs gave a look to see who had come in.  It was just Gibbs’ way to keep a running awareness of who was around him.  The sudden piercing look from those blue eyes came as no surprise, neither was Gibbs’ sudden stillness as he approached, sort of like the calm before the storm.  Lately it seemed that Gibbs was always on the verge of some action when it came to him, something beyond the multitude of head slaps he’d been receiving.  He’d often thought that Gibbs just wanted to reach out and punch the shit out of him and now was no different.  Ducky had to be wrong.

 

“DiNozzo,” Gibbs said by way of greeting.  Seeing Tony walk in had shocked him to the core.  He wasn’t ready to face him, yet.  He realized that his hand was shaking slightly but he hid it by stirring some sugar into McGee’s coffee and he was immensely grateful for all of the undercover training he’d received.  It helped hide his emotions from the man next to him.

 

Tony gave him a slight nod.  It was warm in the shop so he unbuttoned his coat.  He looked down at the four cups of coffee in front of Gibbs.  

 

 

“One of those for me?” he asked somewhat surprised.  

 

 

Gibbs grunted.  

 

 

“Two hazelnuts, one sugar.” 

 

Tony gave him a brief smile but he had to get this started or he’d lose the impetus he’d worked up.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Gibbs answered, his face shuttered and his eyes a steady, frosty blue as he capped the finished cups of coffee.  He turned and started walking out of the shop leaving Tony with no option but to follow.  The rain had diminished to just a drizzle but the fog remained to boil around their feet as they walked.  Gibbs seemed lost in thought so Tony started again.  He really wanted to have that talk before they got back although he again told himself that Ducky had to be wrong as he followed Gibbs out into the cold.  There’s no way Gibbs would want anything to do with him, not like that…

 

 “Gibbs…”

 

“You don’t have to resign, Tony,” Gibbs interrupted as he kept on walking.  “I’m handling it.”

 

Gibbs was being typically Gibbs and right now that was irritating the hell out of Tony.  

 

 

“No, you’re _not_ handling it, Gibbs, because you’ve got it _wrong!_ ”  Tony said loudly and then stopped walking.  He’d be damned if he was going to chase Gibbs all the way back like his loyal St. Bernard.  Not this time.

 

The fog swirled around Gibbs as he took two more steps before stopping although he didn’t turn around right away.  Tony had the impression that they were alone in the world.

 

“I know what I did to you…I _remember_ …”  

 

 

Now Gibbs did turn around and Tony saw the depth of sorrow and regret in his eyes.  The amount of raw pain he heard in Gibbs’ voice nearly killed him but it helped to steel his resolve to reveal his deepest secret.

 

“What do you remember?” Tony pressed but Gibbs again turned around to keep walking.  It rekindled Tony’s earlier anger.  He reached out and grabbed Gibbs arm, swinging him around.  Peripherally he noted the tray of coffee go flying off to the side but he was too angry to care.  He grabbed Gibbs other arm and shook an unusually subdued Gibbs.

 

“What do you remember?” he growled into Gibbs’ face but it was shuttered to him, the normally intense blue eyes looking washed out in the fading light.  

 

 

Gibbs’ lack of reaction only served to heighten Tony’s anger and he pushed the older man backwards until his back was against the wet brick of the nearest building.

 

“I need to know, Gibbs,” Tony continued still pushing at Gibbs, pressing in closer in an effort to elicit something other than this weird unresponsiveness.  Right now, above all else, Tony needed Gibbs to be _himself_.  He needed to talk to _his_ Gibbs.  With every push Tony moved in closer until he was right up against Gibbs.  Then he reached up and head slapped him.

 

Gibbs let Tony push him into the wall.  He knew Tony was angry, hell, he had every right to be and Gibbs wanted Tony to take his anger out on him if it would help, although he didn’t believe it would.  Silently he urged Tony to hit him, scream at him, to do something that would ease the pain they were both feeling.  He expected a punch, had left himself open for it.  The head slap shook him and his eyes flashed going from the unnatural faded blue to the intense glare he was known for.

 

That glare was what Tony wanted, what he needed.  He pushed against Gibbs again and felt a puff of warm air come up out of Gibbs’ coat and Tony smelled coffee and sawdust and something light and old-fashioned (Old Spice?) that smelled so damn good mixed with Gibbs’ own natural scent that Tony wanted nothing more than to bury himself in that warm aroma.  But he was angry and he needed his answer.

 

“I’m not going to let you go off on your own a second time,” he hissed in fury as he recalled Gibbs walking alone into the hostage situation and starting all of this.  “So you’re going to tell me, damnit… _what do you remember_?”  

 

 

Tony’s anger was a palpable thing as he leaned into Gibbs and yet the entire time that Tony was in his face, flashes of memories shot through Gibbs’ brain and he damned himself again because even now he wanted nothing more than to grab Tony and claim him again.  He threw his head back against the brick once and then again, the external flare of pain just a shadow to the pain inside his head and in his heart.  

 

“Tony…”  Gibbs began but heard the tapping of footsteps coming their way.  He surged forward instinctively seeking privacy, seeking to protect.  He had one hand on Tony’s chest, the other under Tony’s coat at his waist as he pushed Tony around the corner of the building they’d been leaning against.  Two steps later they were again up against the building only now they were in a narrow alley in between the brick building and its neighbor and Gibbs was pushing Tony up against the brick wall.  Gibbs moved closer as though to protect Tony from the intruders.  He could feel the heat radiating off the younger man and he knew the heat was fueled by Tony’s anger. 

 

Tony wondered if Gibbs was aware that his hand was still encircling his waist but it felt so good it hurt.  Yes, he was still damned mad but it was quickly being replaced by the pain of being so close to Gibbs and not being able to do anything about it.  He remained quiet, as did Gibbs, until the couple moved passed them to disappear into the mist.

 

Gibbs looked over his shoulder and watched until they passed.  Only then did he look back at Tony and then sucked in a pained breath.  Despite the dim light he could still see the anguish in Tony’s eyes.  He needed to answer him.  Tony deserved answers.

 

“I remember you asking me…” ( _begging me…_ ) “not to do that to you…I didn’t listen…” he answered in a low voice.  Gibbs knew he was practically pinning Tony against the wall and he knew he should move back and give Tony his space but he couldn’t.  It was as though he needed the proximity to open up and admit his guilt.

 

“What else do you remember?”

 

“Kate was there.  I hurt you in front of her…”

 

“You didn’t hurt me.” Tony stated definitively.   He made no move to pull away from Gibbs, reaching out instead to grab his coat lapels.  Gibbs looked away but Tony shook his lapels until he looked back at him.

 

“None of your touches hurt me, Gibbs,” he said, imploring Gibbs to believe him.  “You made love to me.  I just didn’t want that to happen in front of Kate.  _But you didn’t hurt me._   What else?”

 

Gibbs looked hard at Tony and then shook his head.  He couldn’t believe what Tony was saying because _he_ _remembered what he’d done..._   He stared into the green eyes inches from his face and he remembered being just that close, no _closer_ , and he remembered that Tony didn’t fight, he remembered the hard body arching up so sweetly under him and low breathy sounds of desire.  But again he was unsure and he hated his uncertainty but he couldn’t trust those memories despite how real they seemed.  Still, Tony deserved his honesty.

 

“I remember your scent…the way you felt under me…”  He had to finish this…  “I remember the taste of your tears…”

 

Tony moaned low, fisting his hands in Gibbs coat but he remained silent.  Gibbs felt the shudder go through the younger man’s body at his words and he immediately regretted speaking of Tony’s pain.  But Tony had said that he hadn’t been hurt.  Gibbs head reeled with confusion and he felt like he was falling.  The pain in his head increased.  He tightened his hold on Tony’s waist as he struggled to put the pieces together.

 

“I gotta know Tony…what parts were real?  Was it all by force?  Did you want any of it or did I just…take?”

 

Tony’s forehead dropped to Gibbs shoulder and felt some surprise that Gibbs didn’t pull away but he didn’t stop to wonder about it.  He had to say something, but the truth was so hard.  _Yes_ , he wanted to shout, _I wanted you…I still do but I need you to want me, too._   He knew he couldn’t bear it if all Gibbs felt was shame and guilt.  How much of the distance between them was really Gibbs not knowing what had happened and how much was pretense for whatever complicated reason he’d come up with.

 

“Oh, God…” he whispered and then dared to turn his head to bury his face into Gibbs neck, taking a deep warm breath of the man who meant everything to him as a knot tightened in his chest.  God, he wanted this man so badly and yet he fully expected Gibbs to push him away.  He prepared himself for it when he felt Gibbs’ hand move from his chest to his nape, thinking Gibbs would throw him off.  Instead he was shocked when that hand began to dig in lightly, warm and strong both petting and massaging.  He pulled back to look into Gibbs eyes, not quite understanding but hoping he’d find his answer there.  What he saw took his breath away.  Fear, longing…and an immense vulnerability, something he’d never thought he’d see in the ice blue eyes.  Ducky had said that honesty was needed.  He had to trust in that.

 

“It was real.  I wanted you…I’ve always wanted you.  I still do.”  He said in answer to that look.

 

Relief flooded through Gibbs’ features and Tony felt his gut clench again.  Was that all he felt?  Relief that he hadn’t raped him?   But as quickly as the relief showed through, Gibbs’ features again hardened, his eyes searching for answers in Tony’s own.

 

“Why the tears?”

 

Tony was in shock.  How could Gibbs ask if he really remembered?  He again fisted his hands in Gibbs coat only this time it was to shake the older man and push him back slightly.

 

“ _Why?_   God, Gibbs…it was all _wrong_!”  Tony barked out but Gibbs remained silent, his eyes intent on Tony’s.  “Okay, here it is…I wanted, no I _needed_ it to be really _you_ loving me.  Not some alter ego that didn’t remember anything from the past three years.  And despite that, I was carving the memory of every touch, every sensation deep into my brain because I truly felt that I would never  have… _any…_ of it again, that I’d never feel you touching me, _loving_ me, ever again, okay?  And it hurt…it hurt so damn _bad!_ ”  

 

 

Then Tony did push himself away from Gibbs.  He took a couple of steps and then stopped.  He ran a shaking hand through his wet hair and took a deep breath.  He had to straighten this out.  Had to…for Gibbs, for Kate and for himself.  But it hurt so much.  He felt like he’d just torn a giant hole in his soul and bared the deepest part of himself to the world.  But it had to be done.  No more lies, no more waiting to see what would happen.  This was it.

 

“So, there you have it.”  He said as he pushed back his shoulders and stood straight.  It was up to Gibbs now.  He turned around and faced him.  

 

 

“Here’s your chance, Gibbs, I can take it.  Go ahead and tell me that it was all the drug and that you’re sorry because you’re straight and then we can pretend none of it ever happened.  After all, there’s no record of it anywhere, okay?  I’m not pressing charges and there’s no need to throw away your career.”  

 

 

Fear that had held Gibbs entire body taut with stress released in one fell swoosh that almost left him reeling.  Tony wanted him, had always wanted him.

 

“It wasn’t the drug, Tony.  All that did was let me live the side of myself that I’d been hiding all this time,” Gibbs said as he took a step towards Tony.  “It was all so confusing.  At first I thought my fantasies were real…”

 

Now it was Tony’s turn as all the air seemed to rush out him at Gibbs’ words leaving him dazed.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  _Ducky was right…_   Then, in a typically Anthony DiNozzo fashion, he keyed in on one particular word and he stilled.  

 

“You _fantasized_ about me?”  

 

“Yeah,” Gibbs said sounding almost embarrassed. “I couldn’t remember anything after waking up in the hospital but then I got these…pictures…in my head only I didn’t know if any of it really happened,” Gibbs admitted and then grunted.  “Some of it I realized couldn’t _possibly_ have happened…”

 

“Like fucking me over my desk?” Tony asked with a flash in his eyes and a quick grin.  He felt a twitch in his cock at the thought.  Gibbs grinned back.  

 

“Among other things,” Gibbs said and then chuckled at Tony’s look of interest but then he sobered.

 

“Tony, I thought I remembered touching you but I couldn’t tell which part was fantasy and what was real.  I wanted it to be real.”

 

Tony stared at him for a moment as he heard his own words to Kate being echoed back to him.  There was just one thing more…

 

“Then why did you treat me like that?  I thought you remembered and that you were disgusted…”

 

“No, Tony.  I don’t have a good explanation, but I never felt disgust.  I was confused and scared and that made me angry.  And every time I got near you I could barely control myself.  I wanted to grab you…do something.  Christ, I thought I was going crazy…”

 

 _You and me both,_ Tony thought as his heart began to settle.  He moved forward to put his hands on either side of Gibbs face. 

 

“Not crazy,” he said as he caressed the skin under his fingers.  “But I need to hear you say the words, too.  Tell me this,” he dropped a hand to gesture between them.  “isn’t just guilt.”

 

Gibbs suddenly smiled and Tony felt his heart flutter.

 

“It’s real, Tony.”  He said as he stepped closer and placed both of his hands on Tony’s waist pulling him close.  “This is real…” he whispered to himself as much as to Tony and then he pulled Tony even closer as he claimed his mouth, sucking lightly on Tony’s tongue and nibbling at his lips.  His mouth slid to Tony’s jaw and he started raining kisses all over Tony’s cold damp face.

 

“I’m so sorry, Tony…so sorry…”  

 

“Gibbs…?” Tony asked as he pulled back in amazement.  Gibbs was apologizing.

 

“I hid myself behind my own fucking rule.  Ducky said everything hit me like that because I was trying so hard to deny my feelings for you.  Not denying it anymore, Tony.  Never again.”

 

Tony’s answer was a brilliant smile that took Gibbs’ breath away before he again claimed Gibbs’ lips in acceptance of his apology.  Sometime later they pulled their lips apart but remained standing together in the now-dark alley, locked together in their little cocoon of warmth, their foreheads together and both of them leaving little puffs of steam in the cold air as they tried to catch their breath and calm raging cocks.  At some point Gibbs realized that his head no longer hurt.

 

“We need to get back, Tony,” Gibbs said after a moment.  “Got a case.”

 

“McGee’s got it figured out, Boss.  It was accidental.  Pretty sure Ducky’ll reach that same conclusion…”

 

“Good.  Still need to talk to Kate.  Don’t know if she’ll forgive me.  And I’ve gotta tell Ducky I was wrong…” Gibbs paused at Tony’s chuckle.

 

“Never thought I’d hear you say that, Boss…”

 

“When I’m wrong I’ll say it.  Just remember one thing… ‘Boss’ only at work, Tony,” Gibbs said in a low voice that sent shivers down Tony’s back.  “I remember you saying my name…”

 

“Jethro…” Tony responded in a sultry voice.

 

Gibbs’ response was to growl and pull Tony closer to rub their groins together.  “Like the sound of that…”

 

Tony dropped his head onto Gibbs’ shoulder, trembling a bit at the lust that was still thrumming through him.  “I still can’t believe this…”

 

“Believe it, baby.  We both have to…” Gibbs whispered into Tony’s ear so enticingly close.  He kissed Tony on the side of his head and felt more than heard his sigh of pleasure.

 

Tony lifted his head and looked into the dark shadows of Gibbs’ eyes, recalling the other time he’d been so close to Gibbs in the dark.  Only this time he knew, really knew, that he finally had _his_ Gibbs with him.

 

“Let’s get back and finish up.  I want to go home with you.”

 

 “’Bout damn time.” Gibbs said with a smile which Tony returned.  Shoulder to shoulder they walked out of the alley.  

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of the story Team Gibbs already knows about Gibbs’ first family without him having to be blown up.

Ducky walked up to the bullpen to give the results of his analysis of Lt. Dorensen’s journal directly to Timothy.  

 

“I found out that she’d made an appointment with the base mental health clinic, Ducky,” Tim said eagerly.

 

“That concurs with my assessment of her state of mind.  She did not intentionally plan to kill herself.  Her death was the result of her usage of a medication that was inappropriate for her.  The side effects did cause her to slide deeper into depression; however, I believe her latest ingestion of medication was a desperate attempt to feel better, not to kill herself.  My ruling will be that was an accidental overdose.”

 

Tim smiled in satisfaction at having been right.  

 

“Where is Jethro?” Ducky asked as he looked around.

 

“He went out for coffee awhile ago…he hasn’t come back,” Tim answered with a slight frown.  That wasn’t like Gibbs.

 

“And Tony?” Ducky asked nonchalantly. 

 

“He, uh, said he was doing something for you, Ducky,” Tim answered in confusion.

 

“Yes, of course he is,” Ducky said with a satisfied smile.

 

Just then both Tony and Gibbs walked into the bullpen.  They were dripping wet and neither man carried any coffee cups but for the first time in what seemed like forever, they were smiling.  Tony had a wide grin and Gibbs wore a generally pleased expression.  Ducky gave a deep sigh of relief.  

 

Kate, on the other hand, looked hard at Tony.  She could see that his lips were slightly swollen and that his clothes were in slight disarray.  Shocked and angry over what she saw as complete capitulation she stood up and walked out of the bullpen without saying a word.

 

Tony watched her go with a look of concern in his eyes.  He looked at Gibbs who simply jerked his head in her direction.  Tony nodded and, pausing long enough to drop off his sodden coat, followed her out of the bullpen.  

 

Gibbs turned back to Ducky and McGee.  

 

“Status?” 

 

With only a few stutters and an aborted look of concern in the direction in which Kate and Tony had gone, McGee filled him in on the new developments and then Ducky added his comments.

 

“Good job, Tim,” Gibbs said and then smirked because that was the second time he’d caused the young agent to gape in surprise.  It was fun.  “Why don’t you call it a night?  We’ll finish reports tomorrow.”

 

“Sweet!  Thanks, Boss!” McGee replied happily knowing that a clueless attitude was his best option right now.  He desperately wanted to know what was going on between Kate and Tony but his own gut was telling him to wait, to let them work it out alone for now.  He gathered his things.  His conclusion panned out and he couldn’t wait to go downstairs to tell Abby plus he needed to tell her that Gibbs and Tony had apparently fixed what was wrong between them but whatever that was it had really pissed Kate off.  Hopefully she’d have some insight because she knew Gibbs and Tony so well.  He wasted no time in getting to the elevator.

 

Ducky eyed Gibbs critically for a moment, noting the more relaxed stance and the easing of the tension Jethro had displayed earlier in the day.  He nodded to himself.

 

“I must return to my office, Jethro.  Would you walk with me?”

 

“Yeah,” Gibbs smirked and took off his coat.  He threw it across his chair and then followed Ducky to the elevator.  

 

Once they were inside and the door had closed Ducky turned to Gibbs.  

 

“It would seem, Jethro, that there may have been a recent development in your relationship with Tony.”

 

“You sent him after me,” Jethro said as he looked at his old friend.  He didn’t bother hitting the emergency switch.  This conversation was better held in Ducky’s office.

 

“Of course I did,” Ducky said with mild affront as they entered autopsy.  “It was my tasking to sort this mess out and you seemed intent on pursuing a course of very near self-destruction.”

 

“I was doing what I thought was right…”

 

“Yes, but without verifying your facts, Jethro, something quite contrary to one of your rules.  That is most unlike you,” Ducky said as he moved to stand in front of Gibbs.  “So tell me.  Are things sorted between the two of you?”

 

Gibbs gave a half smile and let his eyes wander around autopsy but really what he saw were two green eyes and a dazzling smile framed by kiss-swollen lips.  The vision sent a sweet ache straight to his cock.  He needed to get this over with.  He looked back at Ducky with a slightly embarrassed grin.

 

“You tell him what I told you?”

 

Ducky smiled slightly at Gibbs’ expression.

 

“Heavens no, Jethro.  That was not for me to say.  I merely gave him the small push he needed to confront you and, hopefully, have an honest conversation.”  

 

“You took a big risk.”

 

“I had faith in the two of you, Jethro.  After speaking with you both I felt reasonably sure it would work out.”

 

“It worked but he nearly had to beat it into me,” Gibbs said with a smirk.  “The thing I don’t understand is why’d I do that in front of Kate?”

 

“I believe that with the lowering of your barriers due to that drug, your innermost desires were simply too strong.  And that, on top of having Tony laid out before you and very much at your mercy, was simply too much to ignore,” Ducky said with a knowing smile.  Then it faded.  “Unfortunately, the circumstances also allowed you to disregard Caitlin’s presence.”

 

Gibbs nodded.  “Yeah, I’ve got to figure out how to fix this with her.  Have you talked to her yet?”

 

“No, not yet I’m afraid.  Any discussion I had with her was dependent upon Tony’s discussion with you.”

 

Gibbs looked down at his friend and gave him a slight smile.

 

“Still can’t believe it, Ducky.  Even after what I did…”  Gibbs face reflected the awe he felt over not only Tony’s forgiveness, but his love.

 

“Yes, although not at all surprising.  He told me you made love to him and that superseded everything else.”

 

“Still technically raped him, though,” Gibbs said with a grimace of distaste.  “He said no.”

 

“He never reported it, Jethro.  Only you did that.”

 

Gibbs nodded.  “What’ll you tell Tom?”

 

“Why, the truth, Jethro.  That you acted precipitously on an incomplete recollection of events.  Anthony’s version does not corroborate your initial interpretation.”

 

“That’ll only hold if Tom never talks to Kate.”

 

“I’ll speak with Caitlin, Jethro.  After Tony has concluded his discussion, of course.”

 

Gibbs smiled down at his friend and then embraced him.  “Thanks, Duck,” he said quietly.

 

“Just be happy, Jethro.  That would be thanks enough.” 

 

With a final nod, Gibbs turned and left autopsy.

 

\------------------------------

 

Tony followed Kate down the hallway.  He saw her enter the conference room.  When he reached the door he found himself suddenly hesitant.  Kate was inside facing away and looking at the floor, one hand on her hip the other at her forehead.  

 

“Kate?” he asked tentatively. 

 

Tony saw her drop her hand from her forehead and lift her head but she didn’t turn around.

 

“How could you do that?  After what he did to you…and me?”

 

And suddenly Tony felt a huge amount of guilt.  Yes, he’d been the one that Gibbs had touched, but she’d been forced to see and hear everything that had gone on, all the while believing she was witness to a true rape.  And despite that, she’d reached out to him, watching over and worrying about _him._   And he’d been so caught up in his in his own pain he hadn’t really tried to help her deal with her own trauma.

 

 _“Kate…!”_ Tony said again in a strangled voice. 

 

This time the sound of her name made her turn and face Tony who was now moving quickly towards her.  Within moments Tony had gathered her up in his arms and was whispering desperate apologies.

 

Kate was shocked.  What had that bastard Gibbs done now?

 

“What did he do, Tony?” she demanded.

 

“Not him…me,” Tony said as he pulled back.  Only then did Kate see the sorrow in Tony’s eyes.

 

“I don’t understand, Tony,” she said.

 

“All this time you’ve been worrying about me when we should have been taking care of each other,” Tony said looking down.  “But I didn’t have your six.  I failed you, Kate.”

 

“Tony, I really don’t understand what’s going on here.  What happened between you and Gibbs?  And why do you think you’ve failed me?”

 

Tony took a deep breath and then reached out and pulled a chair from the table for Kate.  When she was seated he pulled one out for himself.  

 

“I told you that it wasn’t rape but that doesn’t change the fact that you were forced to be a witness to something that was…is…abhorrent to you.  I know you feel guilty because you couldn’t help me even if I didn’t really need help except maybe with privacy.  Yeah, privacy would have been good…” and at that Tony gave her a tentative smile.

 

Kate rolled her eyes.  “What are you saying, Tony?”

 

“That I’ve forgiven him for how everything went down.  It wasn’t his fault, Kate, you know that.”

 

Kate’s mouth dropped open and then she snapped it shut and her eyes narrowed.

 

“I don’t believe you, Tony!  After everything he’s put you through since leaving the hospital…how can you forgive him?”

 

“I love him, Kate.  Always have.” 

 

“He’s a bastard, Tony.”  

 

Tony dropped his head.  “He is what he is, Kate, and I trust him with my life.”

 

“What about your heart?  He doesn’t exactly have a great track record, three divorces and we don’t even know how things were with his first wife.”

 

“I know that but I’ve got to believe it’s different for him this time.  I know what he is and who he is so yes, I trust him with my heart, too, Kate.”  

 

Kate said nothing for a moment, her own pain and anger warring with her fear for Tony.  But she had to make sure he knew what he was doing.

 

“You didn’t know he was gay, Tony…” she said in her typical near-brutal manner.

 

Tony blew out a breath of shock and hurt.  He looked into Kate’s brown eyes and saw that she was really waiting for an answer, that she didn’t just say that out of hurt or spite.  His jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed.  She was right.  He hadn’t known Gibbs was gay or bi or whatever.  But then he doubted Gibbs had known that about him, either.  It said a lot about just how good they each must be at going undercover if they’d hidden their secrets so well for so long.  But then his own insecurities re-surfaced and he heard his father again tell him how worthless he was, too worthless to love.  

 

 _No!_ he told himself.  He couldn’t let himself fall into that trap again.  So Gibbs hadn’t said he loved him, but he hadn’t said the words, either.  But it was make or break time, he had to go with his gut.  

 

“You’re right.  I didn’t.  But I’ve got to have some measure of faith that it’ll be alright, Kate.  He’s it for me, my one chance at being happy.  I’ve got to take it.”

 

Kate looked away but nodded slowly.

 

“I don’t know, Tony.  I’m finding this really hard to deal with right now.  I can’t just forgive Gibbs that easily.  I guess I have to work though this, but I’m…I’ve…  I need to get out of here for now.”

 

The door quietly opened and Gibbs stepped in.  Both Kate and Tony looked up.  Gibbs saw that Kate was angry and torn.  Tony just looked sad and uncertain.  Gibbs’ jaw tightened with guilt.  It wasn’t over, yet.  But he could make a step towards trying to fix it.

 

“Kate, I’m sorry…”

 

Kate stood up.  She still felt a tight ball of anger settle in her stomach when she looked at Gibbs.

 

“Thought that was a sign of weakness…”

 

Gibbs shook his head.  “Not between us now, and it’s not enough for what I did, back during those two days and all the time since then.”

 

Kate took a deep breath.  She needed to get away.

 

“I don’t know what to say to you right now, Gibbs.  I need to leave.”

 

Gibbs looked at her steadily and then gave a quick nod and watched her quickly leave the conference room.  He turned back to Tony who remained seated at the table.  In two strides he stood in front of him.

 

“Tony?”

 

Tony looked up and Gibbs saw the pain and fear in his eyes.  His gut clenched, his happiness of a few moments before evaporating.  He reached out and grabbed Tony by the biceps and Tony stood up to face him.

 

“I know she’s mad and she doesn’t trust me or this,” he said with a gesture between them.  “And I don’t blame her.  But I’m asking _you_ to trust me, Tony.”

 

Gibbs didn’t beg or plead.  That wasn’t his way and Tony understood that.  But the intensity of his eyes warmed him and eased the fear that had pinned his heart when Kate had made her observation.   He nodded.

 

“Let’s go, Jethro.”

 

Gibbs let out the breath he was holding and then gave him a brief smile and a nod.  Once again together, they left.  

 

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   This chapter contains some religious content.

Kate drove towards home but seemingly without thought found herself parking outside of the church she’d been attending since moving to NCIS.  It was old, reminding her very much of the church her family attended while she was growing up.  The priest here even looked like her priest back home.  Both men, she figured, had to be in their seventies at least.  It was comfortable.  She entered through the large ornate front doors and automatically took a deep breath. The scent of burning candles, polish and old stone eased the tension that was knotting the muscles in her shoulders.  She smiled slightly.  Just entering the church brought a measure of peace to the turmoil inside of her.  Through habit she dipped her fingers in the holy water and made the sign of the cross.  She walked towards the pews, genuflected and then slipped into a pew and bent her head in prayer.

 

When her mind had settled she again thought back to everything that had happened.  In her effort to reconcile her promise to Tony versus doing what she thought she should have, namely reporting everything that had happened, she’d taken to coming to church quite often.  She’d gone to confession and dutifully prayed as she’d been instructed but still couldn’t find the understanding or peace she’d sought.  

 

Her priest had condemned what had happened as well as condemning both Gibbs and Tony for their actions even when she’d stated that Tony had been bound.  When she’d also confessed her initial reaction to what had happened he, in turn, condemned her.  And although it was what she expected, she found herself strangely disappointed that her priest had shown no signs of understanding her feelings.  He’s not supposed to, she told herself as she looked around.  So why are you disappointed?  She came to this church because it was comfortable and eased her homesickness.  She’d never felt a need to attend a church that had closer ties to the secular world around her.  She had wanted ritual and tradition.   But that wasn’t enough anymore.  She looked around noting with sadness that she felt as cold inside as the stone blocks around her.  So, in sorrow and confusion, she left the church and drove home.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“Oh My God!” Abby shrieked when Tim told her what happened.  “This is it, Tim!  I should have seen it.  Why didn’t I see it?  This all makes so much sense now…”

 

“Whoa, Abby, what makes sense?  What do you know about what’s going on and why haven’t you told me?” Tim asked, both confused hurt because it seemed that he was the only one out of the loop.

 

Abby bit her lip and looked at Tim.  She’d known Gibbs a long time and she’d learned a few things along the way.  She’d known of the three wives he’d divorced and had learned, along with everyone else, that there had been a fourth wife and a daughter a long time ago.  She really couldn’t imagine going through something like that but it was just like the Bossman to keep that type of information to himself and it was just like him to keep that kind of pain bottled up.  But that wasn’t all he’d kept to himself.

 

Some friends had picked her up after work one day when her hearse was in the shop.  Gibbs had walked her out of the building on his way to get some coffee.  Her friend, Gerry, had seen Gibbs briefly and said that he’d recognized him.  It took awhile (like all evening and then paying for his dinner) for Abby to convince Gerry to tell her and he did, finally, only to swear her to secrecy.  Gerry had seen Gibbs at Down Lo, a pretty discrete gay club in the D.C. area. 

 

Abby had never pushed for more details and Gerry hadn’t offered any.  She’d just kept that information filed away as Things About Gibbs That Are Seriously Not Her Business.  And although it had surprised her at the time, she could see it.  

 

And Tony, whom she’d already known about, with Gibbs.  Tony and Gibbs together.  _Mmmm._   Now that was hot!  But so right, too.  Gibbs needed someone to lighten him up and Tony needed stability and structure.  Oh, yes, she could _totally_ see it.

 

Now Tim had said that Tony looked kind of messy and that he was smiling.  Gibbs had looked ‘satisfied’ about something.  Kate, on the other hand, seemed really mad and had just left the bullpen without a word with Tony following.  That was a problem.  She had to think for a second.

 

“So, let’s think about this for a bit, Timmy,” Abby said.  “Everything got bad when Gibbs got out of the hospital, right?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Well, Kate’s been mad about something but also kind of worried about Tony.  You could see it every time she looked at him.”

 

“I knew she was mad about something, but I hadn’t really noticed that she was worried about Tony.  I just thought she was mad at him, too…oww!”

 

Abby glared at Tim after swatting him on the arm.  “How could you not have noticed the way she looked at him?  You’ve got to focus, Tim!”

 

“Abby, we had a case.  And if you remember, I was the one who figured it out!” Tim said with a slight whine.

 

Abby pursed her lips and then brought her arms around Tim.

 

“And that was great.  Really great, Timmy!  But this is important!”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Shh.  I’m thinking…yup.  You’ve got to go now.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’ve got to go.”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“Not we.  Me.”

 

“Okay, where are _you_ going?”

 

“To see Kate.”

 

Tim frowned and his lower lip jutted out a bit.  He didn’t understand what was going on and realized he felt decidedly left out.  He’d hoped to go out to dinner with Abby but it looked like that wasn’t going to pan out and he wondered briefly if his friend was going to be online tonight.  Looks like he’d be finding out.

 

Abby saw the pouty lip and again brought Tim in for a hug.

 

“I promise to tell you anything I can tomorrow, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Tim said and even though he wasn’t thrilled with not knowing, he hoped that all this drama would soon come to an end.  He just was not an angst type of guy.

 

\----------------------------

 

Kate wondered who’d be at her door as she looked through the peephole.  She saw a slightly distorted Abby waving and peeking back.  It made her smile.  She opened the door and as soon as it was open Abby threw herself at Kate and gave her a huge hug.

 

“Abby, what are you doing here?”

 

“I needed to make sure you’re alright.  Tim told me that Tony and Gibbs seem to have worked everything out but that you seemed really mad and I had to find out if you were okay.  This has something to do with Gibbs and that drug he took, doesn’t it?”

 

Kate looked down for a bit.  How much could she tell Abby without violating Tony’s privacy?  She gestured for Abby to come in and then she closed the door.  Abby walked in a couple of feet and then turned around to face her.  She was chewing her lower lip and her dark eyes were anxious.  She knew how Abby felt about Gibbs, that she practically worshipped the ground he walks on.  She really didn’t want to say anything that would hurt her.

 

“Kate,” Abby said quietly.  “I think that Gibbs and Tony are together now.  And I think that you don’t like it,” she ventured tentatively.  “I’d like to help, if I can.”

 

Kate looked up at her with a startled expression.

 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Abby said feeling more sure of herself.

 

“Abby, I don’t know what they want to say, if they want to acknowledge it at the office at all.  It could cause a lot of problems…”

 

“No, Bossman will take care of all that.  I’m worried about _you_ ,” Abby said earnestly.

 

“Me?  Why?”  Again Kate was surprised.  First Tony apologizes for not having her six and now Abby is worried about her.  She didn’t know what to think and then the next she knew she was again in Abby’s arms and, to her surprise, there were tears rolling down her face.

 

Later, when the storm abated, Kate realized that she had been bottling up too much.  And, since Abby seemed to have either already known about how Gibbs and Tony felt about one another or at least wasn’t surprised by it (and someday she’d have to ask _why_ she wasn’t surprised…), she felt okay about telling her side of events.

 

“It seemed like rape, didn’t it,” Abby stated as she chopped vegetables.  “But you know Gibbs would never do that no matter what kind of drug he was under the influence of…”

 

Kate bit her lip as she fried the tofu for the stir fry they were making.

 

“You’re right, Abby, but I can’t help the anger I feel over how he treated Tony when he got out of the hospital.”

 

“Gibbs can be a real bear sometimes…”

 

“Sometimes?”

 

Abby giggled.  “Okay, a lot.  But this time was worse.  He even got mad at me.  That has to tell you that whatever was going on really had him torn up.”

 

Kate looked at Abby with a fond smile.  “How can you be so forgiving?”

  “Oh, it’s easy once you understand what’s happening.  Sister Rosita says ‘Man is always inclined to be intolerant towards the thing, or person, he hasn't taken the time adequately to understand...’” 

 

“Sister Rosita said that?” 

 

“Well, actually it was Robert R. Brown, I think, but the point is that maybe you really need to talk to Gibbs so that you can get passed being so mad at him.  Are you mad at Tony?” 

 

“I was at first.  I guess I was really just angry that he forgave Gibbs so easily when I wasn’t ready to.” 

 

Abby nodded understandingly but she was getting ready to ask the one question that had been on the tip of her tongue all evening. 

 

“Kate, does this have anything to do with your personal beliefs?” 

 

Kate stared at Abby and found herself nodding.  She wasn’t quite sure if she was ready to admit what she’d personally gone through that night but then she thought about it as she took in Abby’s warm green eyes.  If anyone would understand it would be Abby.   

 

They talked long into the night even though it was just Wednesday and they both had to be at work the next day.  But it felt so good to be talking to someone that Kate wasn’t ready to let her go.  They both decided that they’d just need extra coffee and Caf-Pow.  They also made arrangements for Kate to meet Sister Rosita and the other nuns.  It was time, Kate decided, for her to find a church that better met her needs.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	16. Chapter 16

 Tony followed Gibbs into the bullpen and then quickly sat down at his desk.  Gibbs looked over as he picked up his raincoat and raised his eyebrow in question when he saw Tony typing. 

“Message to Morrow…pulling back my transfer request.” Gibbs smiled and shut off the light to his desk.  After a few minutes Tony was shutting everything down as well.  Gibbs walked over to his desk. 

“Where…?” 

“Your place, Boss.  I’ve got a bag in the trunk.  I’ll follow you.” 

Gibbs said nothing but his eyes gleamed.  He nodded and then turned and walked out with Tony hot on his heels. As Gibbs drove he thought about the man behind him.  Thinking about Tony made a hot puddle of lust pool low in his belly.  He wanted him like he’d wanted no other since Shannon and he had a momentary pang of regret for the other three women in his life.  The three he’d actually married.  There’d been others who’d never made it even that far with him but not for lack of trying.  And in between them he’d occasionally frequent some of the local clubs that catered to that part of him he’d kept secret for so long. Yeah, he’d kept a lot of secrets in his life.  And he’d hurt his friends and family because of them.  But this he couldn’t keep a secret.  Tony wasn’t something dirty that had to be hidden away but he realized that how it was handled was Tony’s decision too.  

So, how was this thing with Tony going to change things?  Ducky said he’d talk to Tom but Tom wasn’t a fool.  Just because the charge of rape wouldn’t be leveled against him it didn’t mean that Tom would turn a blind eye to the possibility of a relationship between him and Tony, his subordinate.  He scowled at the thought that Tom might insist that Tony be moved to another team.  He’d be damned if he’d let that happen.  He wanted Tony on his six, needed him there.  He’d figure something out, make whatever deal Tom wanted…if he asked.  Gibbs wasn’t a fool either and he wouldn’t bring up the subject unless Tom did.  And that would depend on Ducky.  He smiled.  Yeah, Tom wouldn’t say a damned thing. 

As he got closer to home he began to wonder how this night would go.  Yeah, he’d taken Tony, knew that he’d made it as good as he could under the circumstances although right now he could think of a hundred other things he’d like to do to Tony that’d make him shake and moan.  But that wasn’t all that he wanted.  It wasn’t enough for the long term and long term, forever, was what he wanted with Tony.  The question was…what did Tony want?  And how?  

What if Tony didn’t like to bottom?  No.  He distinctly remembered Tony’s reaction to being filled.  That memory made him groan quietly as his cock gave an interested twitch.  But what if Tony wanted to top?  Gibbs hadn’t let anyone do that to him in a very long time.  He preferred to be in control.  But if Tony wanted it, could he give that to him?  He thought about it as he turned onto his street.  Yeah, he decided, he could.  And it wouldn’t have anything to do with owing Tony for what happened.  It had everything to do with giving Tony whatever it was he wanted just because he deserved it.  And, knowing Tony, it might take awhile to convince him of that.  But if he had anything to do with it, they’d have the time.  Tonight included.  There was no need to rush into anything.  He’d let Tony set the pace.  

Gibbs parked his car in the garage and looked over.  After a few more seconds Tony was right there with him, parking next to him in the large garage.  It was a little tight because of some junk he had stacked against the far wall but he’d get rid of it so that both vehicles fit better.  Gibbs’ lips curved into a slight smile as that thought gave him a deep sense of satisfaction.  Tony walked up to him with a sexy smile on his face. 

"Jethro,” he said as he came up to stand next to Gibbs, bag in hand. 

“Come on,” Gibbs said with a smile and then led Tony into his house. 

“Hungry?” 

“I could eat,” Tony said.  He watched as Gibbs opened his refrigerator to peruse its contents.  Tony was a little surprised that Gibbs was thinking of cooking rather than just ordering out.  Truth was, he was a bit surprised that Gibbs hadn’t just jumped his bones as soon as they walked in the door.  That’s all he’d been thinking about the whole way over here.  So okay, maybe not just surprised, throw a bit of disappointment in there, too.  But maybe Gibbs was feeling a bit off?  After all, the last time they were together he’d been tied to a bed.  Maybe he should just tell Gibbs that if he wanted to tie him up again that’d be okay with him?  And while that thought was exciting, he also realized that he was a bit nervous.  A bit…right.  Try a lot nervous.  He ran a hand over the back of his head as he watched Gibbs pull eggs out of the refrigerator.  He wasn’t sure how things would go with the real Gibbs.  He’d told Kate that he had to have faith that everything would be alright.  Well now was the time to put that into work. 

“Omelet and salad okay?” 

“Mmm, yeah, fine,” Tony said and he turned to the sink to wash up while Gibbs pulled several items out of the cupboard. Tony chopped while Gibbs cooked.  It was comfortable and Tony relaxed, slipping easily into a monologue about movies featuring food or cooking scenes. 

“It’s a great movie, Jethro, not just because it involves Italian cooking although that’s a big plus but it’s a great character movie.  It’s called _Big Night_.  I’ll bring it over someday or maybe _Like Water for Chocolate_.  I don’t think you’d get into _Ratatouille_ …” “Why not?” Gibbs asked as they sat down to eat.   “It’s animated and it’s about a rat who becomes a celebrated chef…” “A rat…” Gibbs said trying to hide his amusement at the thought of Tony kicking back to watch a cartoon.    

Gibbs noted idly that the lust in his belly had cooled but only slightly.  Instead of a molten puddle inside of him it was a warm pool that spread throughout his body leaving him with a deep sense of wellbeing.  

And so they passed their meal, Gibbs letting Tony’s voice wash over him in soothing waves and he realized that he hadn’t had such a relaxing meal in a very long time.   Tony watched Gibbs’ eyes and felt a tingling sensation in his belly every time he saw Gibbs’ lips curl up into a smile.  Yeah, this was good.  He could do this for…well, forever.  And he’d realized shortly after his arrival that Gibbs was just letting it all go with the flow.  He wasn’t going to push anything, probably letting Tony set the pace.  Okay, he could work with that. 

Awhile later they were cleaning up the kitchen.  They spoke quietly as everything was put away, neither man discussing anything beyond the simple day to day stuff.  They moved together effortlessly although Gibbs found Tony rubbing against him every now and then, each touch burning through the layers of clothing he wore and he wondered if Tony realized what reaction he elicited each time.  Then he smirked.  Of course he did.  He looked at that beautiful mouth, watched it twitch and then he looked up into laughing green eyes that were quickly hidden beneath thick lashes.  Typical.  Looks like Tony wasn’t content to let it build slowly.  No problem.  

He stepped slightly behind Tony who was putting up the now clean dishes to reach up to the second shelf to replace the drinking glasses with his right hand.  He slipped his left hand up to Tony’s nape, felt the warm silky skin there and then dipped his head slightly to breathe in Tony’s scent.  That warm pool began to heat again as Tony’s scent wormed its way from his nose down to his cock.  It was time to change the pace.

 

“Tony…” he sighed as his fingers moved up from Tony’s nape to gather in a handful of hair, pulling Tony’s head to one side giving him more access to that strong neck while his other hand slipped around Tony’s waist to pull him in tight.

 

Tony’s hands covered the one at his waist and he groaned into the embrace.  He could so do this every day if Gibbs would let him.  Live with this man, make a life with him, make love with him.  

 

Gibbs turned Tony around in his arms using the hand in Tony’s hair to pull his mouth to him.  Sweet lips opened up under his so he pushed his tongue inside Tony’s hot, wet mouth.  Gibbs felt strong arms come around his back to pull him in hard.  God, yes, this is what he craved.  Tony’s hard muscular body pushing up against him, the hard ridge of his cock pressing against his groin just like his own pressed against Tony.  He dropped a hand to that rounded ass he wanted and pulled Tony even tighter against him, slipping his thigh in between Tony’s legs as he ground his cock hard against him.  He heard a slight whimper.

 

“Too fast?” Gibbs asked as he pulled back from Tony’s mouth.

 

“What?  No, God no, Jethro…want you…”

 

Gibbs looked at Tony’s swollen mouth and dilated pupils.  Tony rubbed his groin up against him again.  

 

“Yeah.”

 

He stepped back and wrapped his hand around Tony’s wrist and led him upstairs.

 

Once they were in Gibbs’ bedroom Tony reached out with both hands and brought Jethro’s face close for another kiss.  God, when Jethro had grabbed his wrist to lead him upstairs it had pushed a lot of his buttons in a really powerful way.  By the time they’d gotten to the bedroom, Tony’s body was practically vibrating with need.  He couldn’t believe they were finally here.  Jethro’s mouth slipped down to his neck and he groaned again deciding that Jethro’s lips should be registered as lethal weapons.  

 

It didn’t take long for both men to lose their clothing.  Now they were on the bed facing one another as lips and hands explored.  Tony gasped as Jethro’s hard calluses rubbed lightly along his cock and, just as he had that first time, Jethro’s mouth laid claim to one of his nipples.  Tony’s back bowed upwards at the twin sensations. He couldn’t do anything but hold on to Jethro’s shoulders, especially when that maddening thumb rubbed across his leaking slit and then pinched the head of his cock lightly.  It took him a moment to realize that Jethro was speaking.

 

“What?”

 

“Asking what you want, Tony.  You didn’t have any choice last time.  Not doing that this time,” Jethro whispered before sliding down and stroking Tony’s cock with his tongue. 

 

“Will it always be my choice?”

 

Jethro looked up at Tony; saw his eyes looking back hard but nothing on the handsome face told him what Tony was thinking.  He realized that this was an important question, one that asked how Jethro saw their relationship.

 

“I won’t always ask but you’ll always have a choice.”  

 

“Would you let me top you?”

 

In answer Jethro moved up and leaned forward to gently kiss Tony.  When he pulled back Tony opened his eyes and looked at him.

 

“We’re in this together so yeah, whatever you want, Tony.”

 

The answering smile automatically brought one to Jethro’s mouth.

 

“That what you want tonight?” Jethro asked as he continued to lightly pinch and twist Tony’s nipples, first one and then the other until they were both hard little peaks.

 

“No, just wanted to know if you’d let me.  What I want tonight is you in me, only this time I want my hands free so that I can touch you back.”

 

Jethro smirked and then proceeded to taste every inch of Tony’s skin between his lips and his cock.  Tony kept trying to return the kisses but Jethro pushed him back.

 

“Let me…” he breathed into Tony’s belly.  It was a request.  

 

Tony sighed and lay back, unaccustomed to being so completely on the receiving end of pleasure.  He looked down at the silvery hair and let his fingers slip through the softness.  Soon, though, his thoughts were riveted on the hot breath fanning across his cock moments before it was engulfed by a molten mouth.  His hands moved down to grasp Jethro’s shoulders as he bucked his hips but he was held in place by one strong hand on his hip and the other hand that held his balls possessively.  He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.  He could only lay there gasping and moaning while Jethro did incredible things with his tongue. 

 

Jethro smiled around the rock hard flesh in his mouth and then sucked harder.  He shifted slightly so that he lay prone in between Tony’s legs.  He now held Tony down with both hands as he worked his way around Tony’s sack, sucking first on one testicle and then the other.  He looked up to see Tony tossing his head.  Not good enough.  He slipped down lower to lightly lick across Tony’s opening and heard a high-pitched squeal.  Oh, yeah…he was getting there.  He spit on his fingers and worked one digit into the tight little hole.  

 

“Nng gah!” Tony gasped and Jethro smirked.  He left his finger inside of Tony while he reached up to the nightstand for some lube and a condom.  He looked down at Tony’s eyes.  He could read what Tony couldn’t articulate.  He slipped his finger from inside of Tony and then soothed the small whimper he heard.

 

“Getting there, baby…” he whispered as he worked his finger back inside of Tony.  He continued to lick and suck at Tony’s cock while petting and caressing the soft skin at the crease in between Tony’s thigh and hip, deliberately slowing things down and pulling Tony back from the edge.  

 

“You said keep your hands free this time.  That mean you like being tied up sometimes?” he asked as he worked a second finger inside of Tony.

 

Tony looked down with a slightly more coherent look and then gave a wicked smile in return and Jethro chuckled.  

 

“Fantasized about that…leather cuffs…” Jethro said in a low voice and Tony groaned.  He added more lube to his fingers as he continued to stretch Tony.  He saw Tony’s eyes slide to the condom lying on the bed.

 

“Didn’t use one last time…” Tony said quietly.  He’d loved the thought of Gibbs’ cum inside of him although he knew it wasn’t wise unless they really prepped beforehand.

 

“Wasn’t thinking too clearly before, now I am.  It’s safer this way, for both of us.  I won’t ever do anything to hurt you, Tony,” Jethro vowed and then gently kissed Tony on the inside of his thigh.

 

Jethro’s words sent a frisson of heat through Tony’s middle and he sat up to kiss Jethro again.  He pulled backwards until Jethro was leaning over him and he ran his hands up and down Jethro’s chest, loving the sensation of the crisp hairs under his fingers.  Jethro had a mixture of pure white and pure black hairs that fascinated Tony.  He gave a breathy little gasp as Jethro’s lube covered fingers massaged his hole and he relaxed into the touch letting his thighs fall open to the sides.

 

“That’s right, baby, relax for me.  Give yourself to me…” Jethro breathed into his ear as he savored the scent of Tony’s arousal.  He nibbled and licked while his fingers did magical things to Tony’s body.

 

Tony looked up at Gibbs with half-lidded eyes.  He loved the gentle touches.  It made him feel cherished.  Something he’d always strived to do for his lovers but that very few had managed in return.  He reached out and closed his hand around Jethro, loving the feeling of his velvet covered hardness.  He slid his fingers up and down the shaft occasionally dropping them down to caress Jethro’s hairy sack.  He wondered if the hair there was the same white/black combination and then smiled because eventually he’d know every square millimeter of Jethro’s body.  He’d know it better than his own and that thought made his throat tighten.

 

“I love your body, Jethro…” Tony said with a little pant.  He didn’t know how many fingers Jethro had inside of him at this point.  All he knew was that there was very little pain because Jethro was being so gentle.  He looked up at the man hovering over him.  He wanted to do so much for him, give so much to him.  

 

“You’re so beautiful, Tony,” Jethro said as he looked down.  Tony was flushed, his mouth partially open as he panted out hot little breaths.  He bent down and kissed the plush lips, dueling lightly with Tony’s tongue.  He continued to stretch Tony, taking his time and enjoying the feeling of the hot, tight channel.  He stroked a finger over Tony’s prostate and was rewarded by a deep groan and an arched back.  He bent his head to lick and suck at Tony’s nipples.  He knew how sensitive they were.

 

“Please, Jethro, please…” Tony pleaded as he again moved inexorably towards that precipice and Jethro remembered that it was him who’d pleaded before, who’d begged for Tony to end his painful loneliness.  He slipped his hand from Tony’s warmth and heard a low sob.

 

“Shh, soon baby…” he promised as he quickly rolled the condom over his dick.  

 

He added more lube and then moved to kneel in between Tony’s widely spread legs, running his eyes over the feast of flesh laid out before him.  He smiled when Tony quickly scooted down a bit and lifted his hips, pulling his thighs up with his hands.  Jethro lined himself up and placed the head of his cock at Tony’s entrance.  Slowly he pushed his way in, pausing at Tony’s in-drawn breath.  He waited for a moment and then Tony opened up his eyes and looked at him with such trust and desire that Jethro’s breath caught in his chest.

 

“Tony…” he said quietly.

 

“It’s okay.  Come on, Jethro…” Tony urged with a smile.

 

Jethro pushed in a little more, paused until Tony nodded and then pushed in again until he was fully seated inside of Tony.  Tony was so hot and so tight that he had to stop, afraid to move for fear of coming right then and there.  He forced himself to breathe deeply and then opened his eyes.  He hadn’t realized they were closed until he again saw Tony looking at him with a brilliant smile on his face.

 

“Move, Jethro,” he urged and gave Jethro a little squeeze.  Jethro groaned.

 

“Don’t do that again unless you want this to end right now,” he ordered and Tony chuckled which ended in a gasp when Jethro reached out and closed his fist around Tony’s cock.  

 

“Together,” he said through gritted teeth and then began to thrust in and slide out knowing he was hitting Tony’s prostate with each thrust.  Tony moaned and Jethro picked up the pace.  After three hard thrusts he slid his hand up and down Tony’s leaking shaft and smiled when Tony tossed his head, moaning continuously now as he fisted the sheets with both hands.

 

“Come on, Tony…” he said and then slammed his cock in hard.  He felt Tony’s cock jump in his hand, felt the surging ejaculate erupt and spill over his hand, hot and sticky.  Tony’s ass clamped down on Jethro’s cock and he pushed in against the tightness just once and then he was coming deep inside of Tony.

 

Together they rode out the last of their spasms.  Gibbs dropped his head to Tony’s chest although the majority of his weight was balanced on his forearms.  Tony had let go of the sheets and moved his hands to Jethro’s head, slowly massaging the slightly sweaty scalp under his palms.  Tony straightened out his legs as much as he could and then placed the soles of his feet on the backs of Jethro’s calves, slowly running them up and down and just loving the closeness of Jethro’s body cradled against him.

 

When he slipped out naturally from Tony’s body Jethro forced himself to get up.  Tony stayed in place with his eyes closed.  

 

Tony heard water running in the bathroom and only opened his eyes when he felt the warm washcloth running softly over his body.  He smiled at Jethro as he cleaned himself.  Jethro tossed the towel in the direction of the bathroom and then had Tony lift himself enough to pull back the covers.  

 

Together they crawled into bed and Tony settled in with his head on Jethro’s chest.  Again he played with the slightly curled hairs under his hand and half imagined himself still playing with them when they all turned silvery white.  Yeah, that’s what he wanted, Jethro in his life from here on out.   He found himself humming a little tune as he relaxed into Jethro’s body heat.

 

“Yeah, I will,” Jethro said as he pulled the covers up tighter around Tony’s shoulder.

 

“What?” Tony asked in a sleepy voice.

 

“I’ll still need you and I’ll still feed you when you’re 64.”

 

Tony chuckled and then sighed.  “You know I love you, right?”

 

Jethro smiled.  “Yeah.  Love you, too, Tony.  Now go to sleep…work tomorrow.”

 Tony sighed and snuggled in.  He was out in seconds.  Jethro lay awake for only a few moments longer, still in awe over what had transpired that day.  He still felt guilty over the way things had gone down but he knew that he and Tony were good and he’d make damn sure they stayed that way.  Now he had to fix it with Kate and Tom.  But he’d do it, no matter what it took.  Decision made, he let sleep claim him.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


	17. Chapter 17 and Epilogue

Kate sat at her desk the next morning never noticing that her eyes had slid closed while she sipped on a cup of strong coffee.   

“Late night?” 

Kate’s eyes popped open to see a slightly worried Tony looking down at her.  She sat up straight and looked around.  She didn’t see Gibbs around and Tim wasn’t yet at his desk. 

“Gibbs is up with the Director,” Tony offered.  He wasn’t sure if she was ready to deal with Jethro yet, but from the relieved look on her face he decided that she wasn’t.   

Kate released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding and looked Tony over.  He seemed very relaxed despite the worry in his eyes.  Great.  He looks like he got laid and I look like something the cat dragged in, she thought sourly.  She took another sip of her coffee. 

“Stayed up talking with Abby,” she said. 

“And?” 

“And nothing, Tony.  We just talked,” Kate answered waspishly.  She knew she was being unfair to Tony.  He was just worried about her.  Her face softened.  “Sorry.  I’m just tired.  Everything will work out.  Just give me some more time, okay?” 

“Okay,” Tony answered softly as he stowed his backpack and booted up his computer. 

Kate watched silently.  He really did look good…happy.  She felt jealous of his happiness, she realized.  Why was she being so petty?  Tony deserved to be happy.  Yes, he was a brat.  He was immature and childish and far too vain for his own good.  But he was also dedicated, loyal and a good agent.  And even though his sense of humor left a lot to be desired, he was definitely fun to have around when the days were slow or tensions were high.  He was, in fact, a lot like her brothers.  So, yes…he deserved to be happy.  But was Gibbs the one who would keep him happy forever?  She just wasn’t sure, not about anything anymore, and she wanted to be, needed to be.   

Everything was off-kilter for her right now.  And not just about Tony and Gibbs, but about herself.  She needed to find her center again, her surety in the world around her and how she fit into it. Talking with Abby last night had helped but she still felt somewhat adrift and she didn’t like it.  She also didn’t know what to do to fix it. 

Tim walked in a minute later and after some friendly banter they all got to work.  It didn’t take long for Tony’s phone to ring and then for him to announce that he was going to see Abby.  Kate shot him a sharp look but Tony raised his hands innocently. 

“She called me, Kate,” he stated unnecessarily as he got up to leave.  Kate just rolled her eyes.  She knew Abby wouldn’t talk about what they’d discussed the night before but she had to wonder just what was going through the forensic specialist’s mind.   

\--------------------- 

Gibbs knocked once and then felt immediate irritation with himself.  He normally just walked into Tom’s office but obviously he was still a bit unsure.  Tom looked up as he entered but didn’t say anything.  Gibbs wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. 

“Jethro,” Tom said by way of a greeting. 

“Morning,” Gibbs responded but then decided to just proceed full ahead.  “You talk to Ducky, yet?” 

Tom just snorted at Gibbs’ usual brusque manner although he’d been taken aback by the single knock before he’d entered.  Tom almost expected Gibbs to come to attention again.  Fortunately, he didn’t.  

“Yes, I’ve spoken with him,” he said noting how Jethro’s eyes narrowed at his deliberately vague response.  He didn’t know why he felt like messing with the man.  No, actually, he did.  He hadn’t quite decided what to do with the knowledge of a personal relationship between Gibbs and one of his subordinates.  The obvious response would be to just move DiNozzo to another team but he didn’t want to break up a damned fine team.  Not to mention that Jethro just wouldn’t let that happen.  He’d worked hard to put together a team he could trust and that worked well together.  Tom just wished he hadn’t thrown a wrench in the works with this issue. 

“Tom…?” Gibbs questioned.  He wasn’t too thrilled with Tom’s answer, nor was he happy with Tom’s over all reticence.  Maybe it was going to be a fight after all. 

“I need to talk to DiNozzo.”   

“Why?” 

“He’s your subordinate, Jethro.  I need to make sure that whatever this thing is between the two of you is mutual.” 

“Damnit, Tom!” Gibbs growled.  “I didn’t force him…” 

Tom raised his hand stopping Gibbs’ response. “I believe you, Jethro.  Hell, I believed Ducky when he told me.  But let me tell you what I’m planning, alright?” 

Gibbs subsided for the moment.  He nodded. “I don’t want to break up your team but if I have to acknowledge this relationship I’d be forced to, understand?”  Gibbs nodded so he continued.  “I haven’t exactly told anyone about this so you should feel pretty honored since you’re the first.  I’m going to retire…” 

“Why?” 

“It’s just time, Jethro.  I’m tired and Janine and I want to be closer to our grandkids in Massachusetts.  I don’t know who’ll replace me, yet, but you have from now until I leave to prove that you can keep this under wraps.  There’s nothing on paper that says any of this happened and I’d like to keep it that way.” 

Gibbs nodded.  He was sure he and Tony could keep their personal lives out of the office.  Granted most, if not all, of the team would know about them which shouldn’t be a problem.  Abby was one of the most open-minded people he knew and McGee, well, he was coming along.  He might need some help with him but he was sure Abby would help out.  No, the only potential problem was Kate if he didn’t straighten everything out with her first.  But he’d get it done. 

“What about you, Tom?  Are _you_ okay with this?”  Gibbs had to know.  Tom was an old friend and he was giving him and Tony a chance.   

“I’ll have to admit you took me by surprise, but yes, I’m okay.  You need to be happy, Jethro, and if DiNozzo does that for you then who am I to naysay it.” 

Tom ended by putting out his hand and Gibbs gratefully shook it and then left the office.  Instead of returning to the bullpen he decided to swing in to Abby’s lab with a quick stop for a Caf-Pow.  He wanted to tell her about Tony himself. 

\--------------------- 

Tony sauntered into the deafening din that was Abby’s lab.  She was obviously waiting for him because as soon as he walked through the door she charged him and nearly broke his ribs with her embrace. 

“Tony, Tony, Tony, Tonneeeee!” she squealed in delight and then shut off her music.   

Tony could only laugh in response once he had enough lung capacity to breathe.   

“What’s up, Abs?” Abby stepped back and then began a slow circle as she looked Tony over.   

“Yes, yes…I can definitely see the difference…” 

Tony cocked his head to one side and waited.  He knew that Abby would explain herself eventually. Abby, with one finger to the side of her mouth, looked very closely at Tony’s neck in search of… 

“Aha!  I knew I’d find the evidence!” 

Tony almost jumped back but stopped himself just in time. 

“Evidence of what?” 

“Evidence that _you_ , my dear step-daddy, got laid last night!” 

Tony tried to shake his head in denial and it took all of his will-power not to bring a hand up to the mark he knew Jethro had left on his neck.  But he’d been positive that it was completely covered by his collar.  How in the hell had Abby seen it? 

“Wha…whoa, wait a minute…what did you just call me?” Tony asked as her words sunk in. 

“You and Gibbs and Gibbs is like a father to me.  So that makes you my step-dad…unless you’d rather be my step-mom?” she added with a smirk. 

“You will _not_ call him step-mom or any variation thereof…” Gibbs growled as he walked into the lab.  He was satisfied by the quick jump both Tony and Abby gave but it was completely ruined by Abby’s giggle and her leap into his arms.  He looked over at Tony and zeroed in on his flush with an intense look and he had a flashback to the night before when Tony had lain under him flushed and panting.  Damnit, he needed to get a firm hold of his thoughts.  He looked back at Abby and her knowing grin didn’t help matters.  She was far too observant for her own good. 

“Aw, so what do I call him, Gibbs?”  

Gibbs almost laughed out loud at her pout and at Tony’s shocked look.  He contemplated saying that just Mom would be alright but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  Instead he leaned in to quietly speak into Abby’s ear. 

“Just Tony, Abby.  Can’t come out here or Tony’ll be yanked from the team.”  Gibbs looked at Tony when he said that knowing that the younger man could hear it as well.  Tony nodded and Gibbs gave Abby a quick peck to the side of her head.  He could feel her emotional letdown but she recovered quickly enough.   

“So just the team, right?  Can I tell Timmy?  And what about Ducky and Jimmy?” 

Gibbs just rolled his eyes and Tony chuckled.   

“Ducky knows, Abs, and I’ll step into autopsy,” Tony volunteered. 

“You can tell McGee, Abby,” Gibbs conceded.  Which left Kate to him.  Just then Gibbs’ phone rang and he answered.   

“Gotta go, Tony,” Gibbs said with a quick squeeze to Abby’s arm before turning to leave. 

“We get a case, Boss?” Tony asked as he waved to Abby and then turned to follow Gibbs. 

“Yeah, Marine fell while rappelling…” was all Abby heard as the men walked out but she wasn’t thinking about their case.  Instead she began to sway to an internal song as she sipped on her Caf-Pow and then giggled to the empty room.  She was happy and she could tell that Gibbs and Tony were, too.  Now if they could make Kate happy again everything would be perfect. 

\---------------------------  

Later Kate and Gibbs were at the victim’s home when Kate literally bumped into a handsome man she assumed had come by to offer his condolences to Denise Johnson, Lt. Richard Johnson’s widow.  

 

“Oh!” Kate exclaimed as she was bumped into.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“My fault,” Kate answered as she looked at the handsome man.      
  


“Hi.  Um… Larry Clannon,” he said offering his hand.      
  


“Kate Todd,” responded and felt the large warm hand engulf her own.

      
“I thought I knew most of Rick’s friends.  I…”

       
“Actually, I’m with NCIS,” Kate corrected him quickly.  “We’re investigating his death.”      
  


“I thought it was an accident.”

      
“We still need to investigate.”        
  


“Oh.  Right,” Larry said sounding a bit surprised. 

      
“How do you know Rick?  

 

“Oh, we’ve been friends for um… we were friends since high school.  We played football together, got in trouble together.  We uh… I can’t imagine life without him.”

 

Kate noted the genuine sorrow in Larry’s eyes and she immediately responded to it, finding herself wanting to soothe away his pain.

      
“Hello, Father.”

 

“Hi, Edna,” Larry answered and then turned back to see the shocked look on Kate’s face.  “I’m a priest at Saint Matthews,” he explained.

      
“Why no collar?” Kate asked although inside she was flabbergasted.  First really good looking guy she’d met in a while and he was a priest.  Figures.

      
“I was out running errands and I got the call.  I just came right over.  Rick was my best friend.  He’s the reason I became a priest.”

 

Larry went on to explain how Rick had helped him recover from a motorcycle accident.  He was in a coma and Rick would sit with him after school.  Against all odds he recovered.  
     
“It was a miracle.”

      
“Not according to Rick.  Rick said it was because he had juice with the man upstairs.  You should come by church sometime.  I get a cash bonus for every person past a certain number.”

      
“You do?” Kate was so enthralled with his story that she didn’t quite get the joke.      
  


“Wow,” Larry said surprised that Kate had believed him.

      
“I’m sorry,” Kate suddenly blurted with embarrassment as soon as she realized what she’d said.  “I’m not used to a priest with a sense of humor.”  _Or one so open and relaxed._

      
“Right.  Well, the times they are a changing.”

      
“They certainly are,” Kate answered feeling hopeful for the first time in awhile.

 

\--------------------------  
     

Kate passed another tissue to Denise Johnson as she told how she’d followed her husband out to Baltimore that weekend.  _Such a sad waste of life_ , Kate thought to herself.  Rick Johnson felt he couldn’t be who he really wanted to be, couldn’t share that part of himself with his wife and refused to embarrass the Navy and his family.  His solution was to take his own life and even then he tried to protect those he loved by attempting to make his suicide look like an accident.

 

Afterwards, Gibbs was silent as he got into the car with Kate and she wondered if he and Tony would ever consider letting their relationship be known to anyone else.  She and Ducky had had a few long discussions and she felt that she was getting to understand just how difficult this whole situation was for them and what might have precipitated his reaction to that injection.  It was all so senseless but until things changed in their society and yes, in the numerous religious groups, people would still feel the need to hide who and what they were.  It was all so sad and poor Denise Johnson would probably blame herself for the rest of her life.

 

But she didn’t need to let Gibbs feel guilty over something he had no control over.  

 

“Pull over, Gibbs.”

 

Gibbs didn’t say anything and they both ignored the honking horns as he cut someone off to pull to the side of the road.  Kate held on and then when she opened her eyes it was to glare at Gibbs but she had to give him points for waiting on her to speak first.

 

“Do you love him?”

 

“Yes,” he said simply but the truth of that single word blazed out of his eyes and she nodded.

 

“If you EVER hurt him, I’ll shoot you,” she said quietly but firmly.  She watched as Gibbs nodded his acknowledgment.

 

“And if you EVER tell him I said that, I’ll shoot you again.”

 

Gibbs turned to look out of the front windshield as he chuckled.  He looked back at Kate and seeing her return grin knew then that she finally forgave him for his actions against her and those she thought were against Tony.  

 

“Understood, Kate.  Thanks,” he said sincerely.

 

“Let’s get back so that we can finish up before it gets too late.  I’ve got church in the morning.”

 

“You got it,” Gibbs said as he pulled back out into traffic.

 

\--------------------------------

 

“I enjoyed your sermon,” Kate said as she shook hands with Father Clannon after the service.      
  


“Because I worked in Mel Gibson?”

      
“It didn’t hurt,” she admitted with a grin but then looked at the young priest very seriously.  “I realized that in the midst of all the things that were going on, I never got to tell you how sorry I was for your loss.”

 

“He was the best man I have ever known.  I just… I tried to help him believe in who he was – and that may not be within church doctrine – but I believe its God’s love.  I feel like I failed him.”

      
“You didn’t,” Kate said firmly.

      
“How can you know?” Larry asked as he searched her eyes looking for absolution he wouldn’t get from most of his fellow clergy or from a majority of his own parishioners.  

      
“I have faith,” Kate answered with a bright smile that said she’d found her own answers and Father Clannon couldn’t help but smile back.

   

Epilogue

 

Kate leveled the sensor so that it pointed at the window where she knew Gibbs’ bedroom was.  She made a couple of adjustments and finally found what she was looking for.  She smiled at how very neat the equipment was.  She’d seen it demonstrated once and was glad to learn that NCIS had it in its inventory.  She pushed away the guilt she felt at lying over why she needed to check out the equipment.  Well, not completely lying.  She was doing surveillance; it just didn’t have anything to do with a particular case.  

 

The fact was that she needed to know the truth for herself, despite what Tony had told her.  Yes, he seemed more than happy and both he and Gibbs seemed…content?  Satisfied?  In love?  Probably all three.  But she had to make sure for her own peace of mind.  Both Ducky and her priest, Father Clannon, had said the same thing.  She needed to lay her worries to rest and this was the only way she knew to do that.  After all, it wasn’t as though she’d be invited back into their bedroom anytime soon.  She adjusted the volume level and sat back, confident that no one could see her as she listened in.

 

 _“…never let you go, Tony.”_   Was that a growl she heard?

  _“Are you saying you love me?”_  

 _“Love you?  Hell yes, I love you.  You’re mine, now and forever, Tony.  Got any problems with that?”_   

_“No way, Jethro.”_ Moan.  _“Oh!   I…ah…love you, too.  Do that again…!”_

 

And Kate sat back to listen a while longer, squeezing her thighs together every now and then as she imagined those two fantastic bodies pushing against each other, her mind conjuring up the details she’d noted before and she swore to herself again that there was no way she’d ever let Tony know she thought he had a great body.  She sat back and smiled and then listened a bit more.

  
 _“Yeah…like that…harder, Jethro…please!”_

Then the only things she heard were groans and other dark, guttural noises.  It didn’t surprise her that it was Tony doing all the talking and she figured the grunts came from Gibbs.  And from the sound of it, Tony was on the bottom again.  _Mmmm…_   She wondered briefly if Gibbs ever tied Tony up.  Again Kate squeezed her thighs together although it did nothing to ease the throbbing between her legs.  

 

That was something else she’d come to understand about herself.  She got off on the thought of two men together.  And neither the fact that it was two men nor the fact that it worked for her bothered her anymore.  With Abby’s help she’d changed and she was comfortable with it.  She accepted her new-found open mindedness with a sense of smug self-satisfaction.  It had certainly opened up a new world for her.  More reading material than she would ever have imagined available on the internet…and a lot of it about some of her favorite TV shows!  She and Abby had some great times ever since she’d mentioned her new interest and Abby had rushed to provide her with some of her favorite fan fiction sites.  

 

She thanked God for Abby who so patiently explained some of the ins and outs of male/male sex.  Not to mention the long discussion they’d had over tops and bottoms, doms and subs and various other lifestyles she’d been very ignorant of.  She almost laughed out loud.  What a great night that had been!  They started with a bottle of wine, shared tons of giggling laughter which ended in a deeper friendship than she’d ever known with anyone.  She’d even gone clubbing with Abby.  She still blushed lightly when she thought of the way she looked before they left.  A long platinum blonde wig and black bustier and Abby had done her nails and makeup.  Abby had wanted to take some pictures but she wasn’t quite ready for physical evidence of her new exploits just yet.  Maybe next time.

 

After the last case both Gibbs and Tony had brought the whole team over to Gibbs’ house ( _their_ house, now?) allowing everyone to finally acknowledge that they were together.  She still chuckled when she thought about Tim’s wide-eyed wonder every time he saw Gibbs and Tony show some intimacy but she believed he was finally getting used to the idea.  It was that night that Abby had shyly told her that she’d known about them for awhile and had secretly hoped they’d get together.  It was obvious how happy their being together made her and Kate was happy for her, too.  But at that time Kate still had some reservations but she’d kept them to herself.  Now, though, all her reservations were gone.

 

Kate listened for a bit longer and surreptitiously rubbed her right nipple through the material of her blouse.

 

“Oh, forget this!”  Kate muttered as she fumbled for her cell phone.  She had her answer and she was content.  She dialed a number and broke down her surveillance set-up while it rang.  No way was she going to be left out in the cold.  

 

“Hi, Steve…Kate.  I was wondering if you were busy tonight…?”  She broke out in a wide smile.

 

 

* * *

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This story archived at <http://www.squidge.org/peja/cgi-bin/viewstory.php?sid=46918>


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